Resolved That Third Party Payors Should Be Abolished

I spend way too much time on the phone with insurance people, hence I have decided that if I were not such a nice person, I would do something very irritable to insurance companies.

Yesterday, I spent over an hour trying to talk to this guy and talking to him. He then proceeded to get all uppity and annoying and said he didn't think he should do what I wanted him to do. I just want the insurance company to pay for some health care for one of their patrons. I mean, hello, did this person not pay into the company for years and years? What's so bad about them using some of those benefits? Isn't that what insurance companies are for? Spending money?

Whoever came up with our third party payor system ought to be tarred, feathered and then forced to find an insurance company that will pay for medical attention to whatever burns they acquired in the tarring.

I know what you're thinking, well, if only the government paid for all our health care like in other countries . . . NO! That's another accursed third party payor system. Furthermore, I work with Medicaid and Medicare on a daily basis and I know for a fact that they are more difficult to deal with than most other insurance companies because they are totally incompetetent. The government overcomplicates these things. Take Medicare Part D for example. It sounds simple enough, Medicare will now pay for prescription drugs. But, wait. Medicare is a Federal and state plan. The Feds give some money, the states give some. In order to come up with a coverage plan for prescription drugs each state contracted with a variety of insurance companies. In Indiana, there are 20 different companies/plans. Each one of those 20 has three or 4 different subplans. Each one of those subplans has a different list of what drugs they will cover. We end up with over 80 different lists of drugs and you get to decide which one you want as your plan. What's more, each one of those lists could be 80 to 100 pages long! Now, tell me that having the government involved in health care is a good idea? I have spent hours and hours making a database of drugs that would only be prescribed in a mental health clinic. I have entered 3 lists total out of the 80 that need to be entered, and I'm damn fast at data entry. Moreover, those lists are going to change every 6 months.

Another major problem of the third party payor system is that instead of health professionals who know the patient or the patient making the decision, we have little insulated people in cubicles, sometimes half a world away, making the decision as to whether that patient needs treatment. How the hell are these people supposed to know if you or I need medical attention? They've never even met us, what's more, they can listen to all the clinical information on the problem and then refuse to write it down and say that they do not think that sounds like a problem. I'm always tempted to go off on these people. They are so outrageously arrogant and they disgust me. It disgusts me that I as a patient cannot decide if I need treatment. I have to wait for the insurance company to say they will pay for it, or suffer the monolithic consequences. It disgusts me that insurance people act like they're in charge all the time. One insurance person once got angry at me because I asked for the last of a person's benefits. "What are you gonna do when the insurance won't pay anymore? Kick him out on the streets?" she demanded. Hell, I don't know, I'll probably come up with an easier way for the guy to pay for his treatment. This woman, on the other hand represented an insurance company that won't pay for his benefits anymore! How did I become the badguy? It's so complicated and so stupid, it just makes me angry.

This is why I propose a solution. Abolish all insurance companies, including Medicaid and Medicare, and start over with health care being in a market system like everything else.

Houston, I Have A Problem

I'm even going so far as to admit. I need a plan. I cannot stand having no plan. This new story idea, which is totally unplanned, is a lot of fun. However, I catch myself every hour or so trying to construct a plan for my new story. I cannot abide having something in my life that is completely unplanned.

For instance, I would like to go visit people back in the 'Dale. I thought graduation would be a good time to do that, however, my friend who thought she was going to be there decided she cannot make it so I'd rather not drive all that way. Anyways, what was my response to this issue? I automatically came up with another plan to go visit people and even had it timed out within 30 seconds of deciding not to go to graduation.

My plans are not just any old thing either. They're detailed and they're usually arranged in steps. I think it's just my personality combined with some mild obsessive compulsive tendencies. But every once in a while it would be nice to relax without any forethought as to what I am doing next. Writing a story with no expectations is fun, but difficult for me. Perhaps I should take this as a lesson and refuse to allow myself the luxury of planning.

You know what would be really funny? If, after all this effort, the story which I have not thought out ahead of time turned out better than the one I wrote with an elaborate plan in mind. Yeah, that would be funny.

I Said I'd Do This, So I'd Better

I've been tagged by Little Cicero. This is what I have to do: List three nice things about a leading political figure in the party that you disagree with.

It took me several days to come up with the name of a "leading political figure" in the Democratic party for whom I have some respect. I'm sorry, I just can't compliment someone I don't respect at all. So, here goes:

1. Joseph Lieberman upholds his understanding of moral values. 2. Joseph Lieberman has well worded, thought out arguments for his ideas. 3. Joseph Lieberman's wife has a good name (Hadassah is Esther in Hebrew).

I also thought I'd be extra magnanimous and compliment John Edwards as well:

1. John Edwards has a lot of hair for a guy his age. 2. John Edwards does a spectacular make-up job on his face (better than any teenage girl). 3. John Edwards sure sounds good when he's talking. ;oP

Don't take me off your blogroll for that one LC, it's just a joke.

I can't tag three people to do this because I don't tag people. But if you want to write something like that up and put it on your blog then go right ahead!

My Muse Just Wants To Have Fun

My muse came back. But it won't concentrate on my NaNo novel. You know, the one I want to get published. Nope, my muse leaves every time I look at that book. Instead, I've started a random book project that will probably end up being a novella of sorts. I guess my muse just needs a break from the difficult stuff. Of course, it had a break while my computer was waiting to get fixed those two times that it threw fits.

This new book idea that just popped into my head isn't so bad, however. It could end up being rather fun when it's all finished. It's kind of an experiment based on something that Steven King wrote in his book On Writing. He suggested taking a few unrelated events or ideas and working them together to make a story. Then write the story, no matter how bad the idea and see what comes of it. So, that's what I'm doing. Here are the unrelated ideas:

1) I've always wanted to have the protagonist in one of my books be a heroine instead of a hero, I tend to come up with a lot of stories about males, I don't know why. 2) I re-watched the episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation where Q loses all his powers, recently. 3) I've wanted to write a story where the main character deals with life in a more realistic way instead of it being a fantasy story, but everything I write has an element of the fantastical. I also have wanted to write something without a political vein in it and this time I may have succeeded in finding such a story. 4) My memory was jogged about that book The Boggart by Susan Cooper recently.

What does all this make? Hmm, perhaps it's my Mouse Soup of stories, but it's fun for right now. I intend to place no expectations on this story idea and see what comes of it. After that, I hope my muse is up to the more important work again.

Muse

My muse went on vacation. It did not ask for any time off. In fact, I was just getting back into my writing, when I noticed that my muse was gone. All the usual tricks have not brought it back yet. Usually if I listen to Les Miserables my muse makes a reappearance from wherever it happened to be relaxing. Not so these days. The muse just went awol. I really wish that I did not need a muse. But like most writers, I am plagued by the peculiar problems of a muse. When the muse is gone, I have writer's block. The only way to fix that is to, well, to sit around until my muse comes back. I'm a lot less ambitious when I have writer's block. I do not even feel like reading. I try watching dvds and that does not work either. I feel like I'm drifting around listlessly and I do not want to do anything. Stupid muse.

At least it does not wake me up at 4am every morning like Milton's muse did while he was writing Paradise Lost. That would suck. You know, I read some interviews by Brian Jacques (author of the Redwall series). He never has writer's block. I'm so jealous. I've never heard of a writer who never had writer's block! I guess his muse is happy most of the time. Must be because it gets a vacation every year when he goes on tour to do book signings. That's the problem. I need to start going on tour and doing book signings! Then I will not get writer's block. Oh yeah, first I need to get something published. And second, whatever I get published needs to be popular enough to warrant book signings. This could be a lengthy process. In the meantime, my stupid muse needs to come back from whatever tropical island it's hiding out on.

"We're Not As Bad As Them . . ."

The overdose of presidential approval ratings and polls has merited another rant from me. I'm sick and tired of bringing up my favorite news site to be confronted by the latest approval rating or poll on why Bush sucks. It's not because I think he's that great of a guy. I have respect for the President, but I do disagree with some of his decisions. Yet I digress (as usual). This is not about my opinion of the prez, it's about my opinion of poll headlline tactics.

Polls as headlines are, frankly, ridiculous. For one thing, all they mean is that some idiot got paid to call a bunch of people and ask them questions. How many people? I don't know. What group of people? I don't know. What, specifically, were the questions and did they force you to answer in a negative manner? I don't know. In essence, polls mean absolutely nothing!

More than this however, I am disappointed by the fact that polls should help the party which is not in power. Dems spend all their time pointing out why Republicans are worse than they are. That's not positive and it certainly does not make one think our country is in safe hands. Why would I want a bunch of un-constrctive naysayers in power rather than people with a few problems? I want to know what Dems can do that will be an improvement over Republicans. I want to hear an argument made instead of see a finger pointed.

Ah, but politics has been wrenched from the great minds of Aristotle and Plato and placed into the small, unimaginative brains of people, like our Congress, whose only desire is a fleeting sense of power.

Shell Shocked

Recently, I have read back over some of my earliest attempts at writing. Some of it is pretty bad, in fact, some of it is nearly blackmail worthy material. Fortunately, I'll not be going into politics anytime soon, so there's no longer any reason to blackmail me. While reading through this stuff I've come across some issues regarding myself that I really ought to flesh out a bit more. As usual, writing helps me to accomplish more when it comes to figuring things out, so I'm going to write for a while.

Several of my characters from older stories are much deeper and more dynamic than the characters I create now (in my NaNoWriMo novel, for example). These past characters have a consistency that recent ones lack. Some of them refuse to allow changes in their lives that would be unrealistic in that particular character. Others hide behind masks and refuse to allow their true motives to be seen. Yet their actions, and their disatisfication with life betray those motives. All in all, they are more realistic and specifically more human than the characters in my NaNo novel. They contain the strange contradictions that can be noted in every soul.

Why was I better at character portrayal when my writing, frankly, stank? I keep asking myself that. I think it is because I was more honest with myself at that time in my life. Because I let certain things bother me, instead of shoving them away and hiding behind the disguise that I'm okay with whatever. I think it is because I addressed problems in my life and tried to deal with the incongruities that would have harmed my faith in God.

Yeah, faith in God. That's a toughy. I tend to assume that I have a faith in God, and I do, but I forget to examine that faith. I have forgotten to examine that faith for years, I think. Going to college gave me a wonderful excuse. I had no time. It's not that I've become un-Christian. It's not that I could ever stop believing in the awesome God I believe in. It's just that I've failed to confront myself on the issue of examining my own thoughts and how they apply to that faith. I've ignored a minor problem until it became a big problem.

I feel like I'm inarticulate here. I can't fully explain what's bothering me. I just know that I've forgotten some very important things and that it was more because I chose to forget than anything else. I need to stop being the intellectual with all the answers and start realizing that I'm as weak as any other person. Yeah, it's difficult for me to face the fact that I do not have all the answers.

Strange how writing draws out important issues in me. It's not something I'm perfect at, and I know it. Writing forces me to think about deeper issues. I must face my own life and shortcomings in a more thematic way, so to speak. Because when you write, if you're really serious, a little bit of yourself goes into that writing. And then you see what you are and you realize that you cannot hide from yourself and your better judgement any longer.

I'm getting over the shell shocked part of all this and starting into the part where I put all this into perspective and kneel to pray.

Easter Post

I suppose that I am one of the few people who accidentally writes her own name when writing the word Easter and then has to go back and fix it (nearly every time). Such similar words! But, on with the post.

By the time I turned 18 I had been to 12 funerals. As of this date, I have been to 16. You know, I didn't realize this until I counted them all up and mentioned it to other people, but most my age have not known that many people who died. Some have known more. As the world grows darker and the horrors of war expand, many have known more. Death and sorrow are a major part of human existence. I sometimes think that I know this more than most, because I remember so much about the people who have gone out of my life. Some of them, like my aunt who died of cancer almost two years ago, I will see again (God willing). Others, I will most likely never see again. In some ways, it makes one feel special to know that those you knew are waiting for you on the other side. That some have made it through this trial that is life and come out in a place we can only begin to imagine with our finite minds. It is a comforting thought, that one that leads us to remember we will not always be without our loved ones.

But Jesus did not come to die so that we would not always be without the ones we care about. He came for such a different reason. And when I too enter the place He has prepared for me, it is not those I have known to go before me who I will be thinking of. I will think on God Himself, and all His infinite mercies. Sometimes, with my limited perspective, I forget that God's grace is the most important reality in my life. I forget that all this trying, striving and effort to live up to the laws of God should not be my focus. No, really, it shouldn't. The fact is that I can do nothing to make up for what God did for me. Suffering and dying is a human thing, yet Jesus suffered and died and then conquered death so that I would not have to face that human thing.

Easter is a time to put that into perspective. It is a time to focus once again on the awesome mercy that came down and walked among us. So once again, I take my eyes away from myself and my inner struggles and I remember that Jesus has already won the war, and I need not worry and fret anymore.

Those are my belated thoughts.

Democracy!

My computer is back and so am I! Before I write a real post, I would like to post this article link. People always think that democracy, by definition, works and is good. In actuallity, it takes people who know what they're doing to make it work. I thought this article appropriately addressed that problem.

Out Sick

That is, I presume, the message my home computer (The Heart of Gold) meant for me the other day when it refused to boot up for the umpteenth time. On Saturday it goes for repairs. Do not expect to hear from me until next week.

My little friend of a computer has been such a pain these past six months or so. I can only hope this last set of repairs will fix what it needs.

Not Much of a Poster

I just don't have much energy for posting right now. Too many things going on in my home life. I also am in deep thought, which means I am spending minimal time on the internet.

In my absence, I would like to post another article I found to be insightful. Thomas Sowell has a good head on his shoulders. Some of what he says makes a lot of sense. And he is so far from politically correct, yet so able to be polite. It is refreshing.

Tax Time

April is a month of allergy problems and taxation trauma. Taxes and why we hate them become very clear right around now. Here's an interesting opinon on the matter.

Why can't we just have a simple tax system? Like a flat tax? Is this the government's way of making us more compliant and nice. We won't start a revolution because we're so busy filling out our tax forms the idea won't occur to us. Maybe if we showed our tax forms to all the illegals in this country they'd get so freaked out that run back to where they came from. Yeah, that's a great idea.

"I Am Not A Number!"

Recently, Craig's buddy lent us his copy of "The Prisoner" on dvd. It's the entire one season of what can be called a rather campy, British television series. The first two episodes left me perplexed and confused. A few episodes later I started to understand the series. Now, I can only say that it is a thought provoking show, with some interesting insights and really hokey, evil weather balloon that chases the hero every chance it gets.

The premise of the show rests on the idea that once a person enters society he or she becomes a number. We're all just faces in a crowd to everyone else. The protagonist is a man who resigns from his office -- we're not sure what the office was, but it's high security -- then is kidnapped and placed in a village where his identity becomes "Number Six." The village is simply called "The Village" the streets are not named, and there is no way to tell where in the world it is located. Number 6 spends his time in The Village attempting to escape. He protests his anonymity to no avail. Whenever he makes an escape attempt, Rover, the giant weather balloon hunts him down and brings him back. The weather balloon was a last resort when the original, high-tech robot vanished during it's first underwater shooting excursion. However, other than the balloon, the show makes an interesting commentary on the postmodern (don't you hate that word?) world. It is a place where anonymity is given, and yet not given. Where we are all faceless numbers who have chosen to allow ourselves to be integrated into that system of faceless numbers, yet inside we still reject the way things are.

Like Number 6 most people want to escape the confines of society and go on to bigger and better things. That is why we dream when we are kids and often still dream when we reach adulthood. But we also hem ourselves in to the paraemeters society has set for us. It is our own efforts that keep us in our place, so to speak. Just as Number 6 learns when he discovers that the whole time he has been trying to escape he has been having himself put back into The Village (confusing, I know). We accept the roles society tells us we must play and many of the lies it feeds us as well.

I'm not talking about being a social deviant in an offensive way. I'm just talking about the fact that we control our dreams with fear and often refuse to try to make our lives better. It takes a special type of person to work within society and better it for the rest of us. Most are afraid to be that person or afraid to trust others. They might mock us or laugh at our dreams. Looking for support can become an obsession that pushes away all visions of grandeur. The conventions of society, the fact that as humans we cannot open our hearts to others since they might hurt us or say something stupid. It is all in "The Prisoner."

Perhaps, those conventions and the manner in which they are ilustrated is the most intriguing and entertaining part of the show. The clothes that Number 6 is forced to wear, the stupid pin with his number on it that he continually tosses aside, his little house, the umbrellas that everyone carries, the fact that no one asks questions. All of these things represent examples of the strange requirements of society to which we all cling and ever will. For instance, to shake someone's hand, is, in itself a conformity with the way our society works. Even to look someone in the eye when we speak. No one ever stops to question the simple things like that. In fact, few pause to question larger things, like the meaning of life. Number 6 asks questions of everyone he meets and quickly learns that questions will get him nowhere but shunned. Why is it that people like that always bother us? The different ones, the ones who don't take to convention and tradition the way we do? Those types of people unsettle us: people who speak out and say things that we don't like to hear or phrase truths in such a way that we cannot ignore them.

But then, it's quite simple to go on and forget that the question was ever raised or the truth ever spoken. Quite easy.

The Day Of The Sleepy

April 2nd will bring something new and strange to my current state of residence. Indiana has, for 130 years or so, managed to avoid this new thing, but now, alas, it has come. April 2nd begins Daylight Savings time for states all across the continent. Until this year Indiana refused to participate in the program. But it has been decided that our status quo of stately independence is not to be tolerated any longer. We will conform with everyone else and woe betide he who fails to set his clock one hour ahead on the eve of April 2nd. In a way, it's like a late April Fool's Day joke.

All my life I have been subject to Daylight Savings. Each spring I set my clock one hour ahead and lose an hour of sleep. I then proceed to feel like I cannot be on time for anything for one full month post clock change. To add to my depressive struggle, my internal clock -- which works so well that I almost always awaken before my alarm clock -- becomes utterly confused and proceeds to waken me at strange intervals. It then decides that I cannot be trusted anymore and becomes so erratic that I start sleeping lighter than normal and am fatigued for the next two months. All for the change of an hour's time! Putting the clock's back to right, only annoys my internal timekeeper even more. Yes, the extra hour of sleep was nice, but no thank you, it can't trust me anymore than it could in the spring, thus another two months of being overly tired and dreaming weird dreams in light sleep ensues. That one hour of sleep lost grows into a monster of many hours lost that cannot be made up for by gaining one hour 6 months later.

Farmers are great. I mean, I grew up on a farm. I have every respect for farmers and their work. However, we're not an agrarian nation anymore. Changing the clocks during the summer to preserve daylight has become an outdated nuisance. Our economy is fueled by industry rather than vegetable markets in every village or long hours of tilling the land. Furthermore, farmers are high tech individuals these days. Most tractors have headlights as do combines and other large, scary pieces of farm equipment. People can work with artificial lights as they could not when Daylight Savings began. Labor saving devices make it possible for farmers to get more sleep at night or have leisure time these days. They do not rise as early as they did in the past, nor do they spend every waking moment laboring in the fields.

In essence, Daylight Savings has become the dead dinosaur of a bygone era. It is nothing more than the leftovers of horse and buggy days. Like the crooked, winding streets of the East Coast -- where driving cars is next to impossible -- this concept should be modernized to reflect the technological age. Join with me, my fellow Americans, in throwing off the bizarre shackles of Daylight Savings. Vote yes on Proposal YTBD (yet to be disclosed).

Breaking News

Someone else knew that 9/11 was going to happen, and he's finally enlightening the rest of us.

Viewpoints

I am always interested to read the opinions of others. Especially when they are well informed and intelligent. While I may not agree, it at least gives me something to think about.

On the other hand, rude, disrespectful idiots can take their opinions and bury their heads in the sand somewhere because I'm not going to listen anyway. I have no example of this phenomenon since if I found one I wouldn't finish reading it.

Writer I Am

. . . or am trying to be.

My novel is in the beginning stages of editing. This is a crucial time for it, a time when I will decide what is crap and what is actually decent. While I have found some good bits in the story, most of my current discovery is somewhat disappointing. At least, it's disappointing to me. Here I will find a thought in my character's head that is incongruous with his current state of being, there I will find a conversation that no longer ties in to the overall plot. You know, important stuff. Right now I am considering a virtually unsalvageable conversation. I must have stuck it in for filler. It sucks.

Considering my work is more discouraging than I thought it could be. Hence, to bolster my mood I'm going to link to one of my blog entries that I thought was pretty good at the time that I wrote it. There, now I feel better.

To be a good writer, I think that I have to hard on myself and the things I have written. It is necessary to re-work my writing style until it becomes the best that it can be. At these times I doubt that I will ever be a published author. It is no small feat, you know, to become a well reputed author like Steven King (whose only book I have read was his "Memoirs On Writing"). Then again, I do not intend to be that good. I only intend to be as good a writer as I can be. I only hope that after a few publishings I will at least have a small following that includes some of my friends. It does not matter if my books are overwhelmingly popular, it only matters that the people whose opinions count enjoy them. And one of those people is me. So, I better get back to editing or I am not going to enjoy my own story.

Proof That Movies Affect One's Brain

The one thing I really like about Hollywood stars is their stupidity and their honest willingness to display that stupidity whenever they open their mouths. So out of touch, so hilarious and so insane.

"Rome Wasn't Built In A Day"

Tempers have been piqued over the fact that in Afghanistan a man named Abdul Rahman is facing charges for converting to Christianity. Reading up on the issue I've noticed a general focus on the fact that we gave these people democracy and now they're not living up to it. Refusal to uphold one of the fundamentals of a democratic society bodes ill for the fledgling, um, democracy. Or so they say. I have a couple points to make on this. First, as Craig pointed out to me earlier today, "Rome wasn't built in a day." You cannot expect democracy to take hold in a hostile environment in so short an amount of time. Why are we so afraid of giving these countries time to develop democracy? Second, while I am impressed that the world has focused its attention on a Christian man in jeopardy for his faith, I would point out that persecution for that reason is nothing new.

I'm not going to say that the Islamic faith and democracy cannot co-exist, because I do not believe that. Furthermore, I am no expert on that particular faith. Yet, it is true that until recently democracy in the Middle East -- an overwhelmingly Islamic area -- has been unwelcome. The ideas that Americans and other Western countries cleave to in democracy are many and complex. While these ideas do not necessarily reflect the dictionary definition of democracy they still exist and are still associated with that theory of government. One of them happens to be freedom to choose one's religion and worship as one sees fit.

In Islamic nations this freedom has not been supported for a majority of the time. Afghanistan has only recently been given the chance to decide the issue for itself. It should be considered unrealistic that the inhabitants will immediately be open to freedom of religion. It's a new thing in a place that has not even considered such a notion until now. It will take time to acclimate such ideas to that country's people. Right now the door is open for debate and liberalization. That means the deal is not over and done with. Women have enjoyed more freedoms in Afghanistan, thus, bringing about a major step in the movement toward liberalization. To think that Afghanistan, or Iraq, are immediately going to cling to these new liberal ideas is unrealistic. It will take time.

Now that it is possible to introduce new ideas and freedoms we have the hope that Afghanistan may adopt freedom of religion within a few years. That hope was all but nonexistant before democratization occurred. Consider the fact that religious freedom did not take hold in the United States until some years after the Constitution had been ratified. James Madison fought for religious freedom in the Virginia legislature because the U.S. Constitution did not keep states from establishing their own religions at that time. If people who already understood concerns of choice could not adopt this liberty immediately how can we believe that those who have never yet been faced with the decision will arbitrate for it without first giving it some consideration?

I know, I know, a man's life could be on the line for this. I'm a hardhearted freak to be saying such things. Okay, point acknowledged. I'm sorry that this man might die. It's a terrible thing to have happen. There are always costs involved in change and the loss of life is one of the most disheartening and shameful costs. I am removed from the situation, but I still feel sympathy for Rahman and his family. Moreover, I am impressed by his unwillingness to denounce the Christian faith despite the pressures he faces. His own people are asking him to convert back or die. That guy is made of amazing stuff.

Interestingly enough, there are others all over the world who are made of the same stuff. Christians still face persecution in many countries. For example, I heard a South African man give a speech once. His name is Pastor Wally. He was once the most wanted person in Saudi Arabia because he started several underground churches. After receiving the death sentence, Wally was kept in solitary confinement in a tiny cell for many days. By nothing less than a miracle he was released from solitary and eventually from prison. He now travels the U.S. speaking his message to others. Yeah, this stuff happens to people. Some, actually do die for their faith. It is not a new thing. It encourages me that for once it is important in the public eye. But I really doubt that will last very long. Nor do I think this is important for the right reasons.

I think that the only reason this particular case is important is that it concerns Afghanistan -- a country where the U.S. introduced democracy. It's just another reason to get mad at Bush. The fact is, religious persecution did not begin when Bush entered the presidency, nor when 9/11 happened. It has always been a problem and especially so in Islamic countries. There are many other countries where religious persecution still exists (e.g. China), sometimes it is deadly, sometimes it is merely restrictive. It is an ongoing problem that will probably never change. It did not develop because Bush got elected, nor will it end after we finish chastizing him for the trial in Afganistan. The persecuted church exists for another reason: people are sinful.

My Stomach Hates Me

Yes, I have finally heard back from the doctor. All my blood tests, x-rays and ultrasound were normal. There's nothing wrong with me. So, why do I have this excruciating pain in my stomach? I don't know why. I guess it's not really there.

There is some speculation going on, however. The nurse told me that the doctor thinks I have IBS, to which I was going to respond that IBS is a load of bull. I mean, really, it's a symptom, not a problem. Tell me what's really wrong with me. Apparently there's some weird thing where food doesn't go through one's digestive system quickly enough and it causes pain. It's not IBS, so that makes me happy. The answer to the problem can be found in a high fiber diet and lots of exercise. Well, at least it's not a ton of nasty medications.

I think the moral of the story is that my stomach hates me.

Weakness

Thinking about my decision to become an artist has a somewhat humbling effect on me. I can remember standing in sculpture class watching my professor tear the arms off my sculpture and, in a few quick motions, build up it's rib cage the way it was supposed to look then put the arms back on where they belonged instead of where I had them. The humiliation of the first two weeks of class got me every semester. I would walk into class get out a notebook, set my things in a corner and then I was forced to make drawings. I draw stick people and they don't look right. But in sculpting class I was expected to draw proportional people in poses so that I could understand what it was I would be sculpting. I'm sure my face burned the entire time and my drawings never approached normal looking human beings. Surrounded by people who could draw a realistic image of a person in under 5 minutes I would struggle for some thirty minutes to turn out a strange outline that appeared to be the likeness of some mutant. If you could see my drawings you would laugh, others have and I do not resent them for it.

The end result of my sculpting efforts have been good. One even made it into a competitive art show. It beat out 250 other art works to get into that. I often found myself staring at my sculptures and wondering that I had done that. It could not possibly have been me. But very often it was. My professor gained enough respect for me by the middle of my third and final semester in sculpting that he no longer tore apart my sculpture without notice. He asked me if I would allow him to change something on it and then he only made minor changes. Or he simply told me what I had to do to make it look right. Still, I need a lot of instruction.

My main problem is that I do not see things properly. Seeing proportions is not difficult for me, however, seeing the shape of something and how one muscle changes the surface of a limb and likewise the sculpture is never simple. I inevitably design them wrong and must be corrected. How am I ever supposed to do this?

There is one thing that sits better in my understanding, however, than politics ever did. It is exactly that weakness that I have described. My lack of an artist's eye. My left brain that has conquered my right brain so that I do not see things the way I should to work creatively.

I always knew too much or too well about politics. In class I would sit listening and I never had questions because I either understood the material or would understand the answer to any question if I thought about it for longer than 5 minutes. Sometimes after class one of my friends would say to me, "I didn't understand a word the prof said." I never told them that I understood everything. I sound so arrogant, but I was good and I knew it. That felt somewhat wrong to me. It gave me no reason to need God in my chosen profession. And since that profession often leads to an accumulation of power it would give me no reason to refuse the corruptions inherent in the American political system.

We often think that we are well intentioned beings who will not allow the things that destroyed others to destroy us. But we see in such strict parameters that by the time we have been destroyed by exactly the same thing as another person it is too late. We are all weak, despite our efforts to avoid knowing that fact. The follies of human weakness are great and many, yet they are all the same. They all come from the same flaws of human nature. Still, we define ourselved down so that we only see a few distinct things that are bad. And we lose to something that is just as bad as the things we saw, but went unnoticed. In short, we are often so obsessed with avoiding one downfall that we walk right into another.

I have never understood art, nor being artistic. Much of art still puzzles and humiliates me. That especially goes toward my own work in it. In that fact I rejoice. The apostle Paul wrote that in our weaknesses God is glorified. Then I say, let my life's work be from the weakest side of my being and not from that at which I excel.

Somebody Wrote My Opinion For Me

This is what I think of the whole port fiasco.

More Ralph Peters And Thoughts On The War

He was a hit last time, so here he is again dispelling more myths about Iraq.

I think it is important to note that Peters does not say everything is perfect in Iraq. He acknowledges U.S. mistakes and problems with the conditions in Iraq. On the other hand, he does not give in to the "civil war" hysteria of the past few weeks. Of further importance is the fact that he spent a lot of time observing average Iraqis and touring so that he could understand what normal life in Iraq is like right now.

Perhaps I should say a little bit about my view of the war. I disagree with it and I agree with it. How ambiguous can I be? I think that Saddam needed to be ousted, and that has nothing to do with discussion about whether or not he had WMD or is connected to 9/11. Those facts are somewhat irrelevant at the moment. More relevent is the fact that Bush was not certain about the WMD. Bush first believed they were there, when they were not found he backed away from that assumption, and now that evidence of their existence and/or programs for existence has turned up Bush has not said anything about that. It strikes me as odd that liberals do not jump on the fact that the Bush administration will not speak about this evidence. Rather, liberals keep right on denying any possibility of WMD in Iraq before the war. Strange. But that's a rabbit trail.

Back to the main point: the fact that a regime that scary was willing to allow us to believe they had WMD and were hiding them is enough for me. However, the timing was off on the whole thing. If we had waited for Europe to realize the danger they were/are in then we could have gone to war with less dissent later on. We're on the other side of the ocean and the best thing we could do is protect our borders and build up defenses until we have real allies across the seas. Kind of like World War II. Now, this would not have stopped some of the real crazies. The fact is that Vietnam made any extended war a traumatic and unpopular thing to do. Since then we have feared defeat so much that we have only entered wars that we could win in a heartbeat. We will probably think like that for another generation or two, until all the bitter ones have died out.

And those are my more rambling thoughts on that. I haven't made up my mind on everything yet, so maybe I'll distill it all later and write a post that makes more sense another time.

I Changed My Blog Title

. . . in case you didn't notice.

The title comes from a song by my favorite singing artist, eLi. I enjoy his music because the lyrics and the very sound is human. It is human in a sense that the Pharisees of Jesus' day would have mocked, if they understood English, which they did not. His music relates the depth and lostness of our own souls. It also reflects an awe of the one whose grace and mercy saves. It reminds me of two Bible passages: the parable of the Pharisee and the tax collector, and the thief on the cross. Every song of eLi's has the same heartfelt repentence exemplified by the tax collector in his prayer for mercy and the complete faith represented by the theif's desire to be remembered in Jesus' kingdom.

I chose to change the title, because the old one no longer represents my path in life nor my dreams. I have finally laid down my desire to be a politician and pushed it away. A wise man once spoke to me in the time of my utmost need. He said, "Esther, God gave you the desire for politics and He will either use that in you or remove it from you, there is nothing wrong with you having that desire." No, there is nothing wrong, and a part of it remains, but it is the better part. I fully intend to keep talking politics on this blog; to promote Mike Pence for president everywhere I go; to make my views known. But I'm not compromising any of those views ever again because I am worried about what people might say later in life when they read my prior opinions. That burden has been lifted from my shoulders and I am overjoyed. I do not have to worry about what I say anymore. Why don't I have to worry?

Because I want to be an artist and artists can say anything they want to say. Yup, I'm getting back into sculpting. I am also going to be a writer of fiction, and perhaps a political treatise or two. But it's all going to be point-blank me, none of it will be dumbed down because people might freak out later on. This change is the culmination of my thoughts recently and my inability to find any happiness in the walk I have been walking. There is a place in me where politics never made happy. But sculpting and writing make me excited to be alive. I feel freer than I have in ages, like a bird that had its little wings tied for so long that it had all but forgotten how to fly.

If you're worried, then I'll just say that by now you should know I am not a rabid, freaky conservative. If you haven't figured that out, then I'm sorry for you and you can go find a lake or something to dip your head in and cool off.

So, I changed my blog title.

Wearing Faces

Take it or leave it, that's how I feel right now. I apologize if I start to sound drama-queenish in the next few paragraphs. So, why am I writing. More or less to get some thoughts off my chest. I was working on a really spectacular post, but chose to log it away because I just feel like I'm one big farce at the moment.

There are a couple of things about me that may surprise my readers, aside from the fact that I try not to take myself too seriously. I'm not very tough and I often try to make myself look bigger than I am. Those are the two things that bother me about myself the most.

I want to be tough, but I've got this little, tiny voice that does not sound very loud even when I'm angry. People always think it's funny when I'm mad too, so I pretty much try not to lose my temper at all. Also, I am more sensitive to hurting words than you might think. Most things bounce off of me, but a few do not. If a close friend proves to me that he or she does not know me at all, it usually hurts a lot. For example, asking me if I acted in a certain way for a really stupid reason that I would never have even thought of myself. That makes me livid with anger. But I very often do not even tell my friend how mad I am at him or her. That's how un-tough I am. I don't say anything because I don't want my friend to feel bad. Because I just want people to get along and stop getting mad at each other. It doesn't do much good though, because I often never regain the respect I had for the friend and the friendship is never the same. I try to talk things over, but I just do not like to explode at people. I like things to be good.

I'm a little, tiny person, also. I mean, I'm of average height, but I'm small in all other respects. I wear baggy clothes quite often just so that people will not realize how small I am. Many have been fooled by this. Some of my friends have just freaked out when they saw me in something form fitting, "You're tiny! I never noticed how small you are before!" Yup, fat clothes kinda work. It's also because I do not like other people feeling bad about themselves. A lot of girls feel bad because I'm so thin. Dude, it's not like I try. I just can't eat anything fattening. If they went on a diet and did not eat any sugar other than fruit sugar they'd probably get a bit smaller too.

Putting up a face, that's what it's all about. Sometimes I feel like such an act. I put on this face, it looks tough, it looks big, but it's not. I'm really just a fuzzy, little person who wants everyone to be happy. There are moments when I find that I just hate wearing faces. This is one of them.

You know what I really want to do. I want to help children. I get so angry at people who hurt children. Even though children are often maniacal monsters, I want them to be functional and happy maniacal monsters. Er, strike the last two words there. I hate seeing kids get hurt. I remember when I was a happy little kid. I remember this one time when I was about 7 years old. I was sitting on a rock in the sun chewing on a timothy weed. The wind blew at my hair and the light of the sun played over me, warm, but not too warm. I drank in the air in great big breaths. I had never felt happier to be alive. I'll remember that moment for as long as I live as my Rosebud. The moment when I was just a pure and happy kid with no faces, no shows, no defenses, nothing but me. Me, sitting in the pure joy of life, dressed in muddy clothes with messy hair. That's the kid I really was and the kid that I still am, buried somewhere under the faces I wear. That's why I want to help other kids. I see in all of them the lack of a "face," that adults always wear, that even I wear. Kids can't hide who they are, they can't put on the act. The strain shows through and tells on them, often for the rest of their lives.

I often wonder why adults are so full of bluffs. Then I remember that I am no different. Why do I wear my faces? Why do I pretend? All I really want to do is help kids, help them to be kids and not pretend who they are or develop some face to put on so that everyone else will be happy and not weirded out by them. But I never say that. All I am is a kid wearing a face.

Civil War

We are all asking the same question: Is Iraq really going to Hell in a handbasket?

Here are some thoughts on that.

Out Of Oscars

So, who all watched the Oscars? I sure didn't. Aside from the fact that no movie I had watched was nominated for anything good, I don't have cable and I live in a broadcasting hole (i.e. you can only get public television here with an antenna). I do feel obligated to post a link to the results and perhaps talk about the awards just a teensy bit.

It looks like "Brokeback" took in three awards, but it didn't get best picture. That went to "Crash."

I am surprised that "Revenge of the Sith" did not get nominated for visual effects. The volcano fight scene was masterful. I haven't seen "King Kong," but I'm sure the effects were excellent considering that Peter Jackson directed it. I'm not saying it should not have won, just that Episode Three should have been nominated.

My last disappointment goes to Tim Burton's "Corpse Bride." It was far better than "Wallace and Gromit" although I enjoyed both films. What gives? Does everyone hate Tim Burton or something? He's never even received an Academy Award. In fact, this is his first every nomination for one. That appalls me.

And that's my take. Oscars suck, they usually go to movies that don't make any sense. I am convinced that the people who nominate are so befuddled by the movies they choose that they assume they must be good. The thought in their heads must be: "I don't understand this movie at all, therefore it must be really good."

Stomach Update

I suppose you might want to know how I'm doing and all. Or not. But I will tell you anyway. I really don't know. I went to see a gastrointerologist yesterday and he seemed very optimistic. My lifestyle is a rather healthy one and gives little reason for worry. His main hypothesis centered on a weird stress reaction that can cause spasms in the stomach and then be very painful for a number of days. Optimistic doctors make me worry less.

Haha, he also told me to eat salad every day and to avoid fried foods. I can do that. You know that somebody is for real when they don't prescribe all kinds of painkillers. It's funny, it's usually foreign doctors who start out suggesting dietary changes and care about real healthy living. Americans like to get pumped full of drugs and most American doctors pander to that. Personally I hate putting weird stuff into my system. On a side note, I was prescribed a drug for preventing nausea when I was in the emergency room last week. When I read the side effects on the container it said "nausea." What's the point of using something to get rid of nausea when it actually causes more nausea? I thought that was pretty funny. Back to the rant about American doctors, I wonder if they're afraid to tell people to live healthier or something. They also always want to do the more evil tests that include sticking little cameras down your throat or something that sounds painful. And then there's the number one cure-all for women: birth control pills. For some reason those get prescribed for any number of reasons. I also hate it when they ask you if you could possibly be pregnant three or four times over. It's like, duh, I think I'd be the one to know this. They always think you're stupid and do not give you all the information even when you ask them very direct, specific questions. I hate that. I asked the ER doctor if she did a blood test to see if I had pancreatitis and she said she had. Then yesterday the gastrointerologist called the hospital with the phone on speaker-phone and asked them while I was sitting there listening. They had not checked for pancreatitis. Why the hell did they lie to me? I really hate hospitals and doctors and being treated like I'm stupid or something! Okay, okay, I'll stop now.

I still have to go back in for another test. It's nothing invasive, which also makes me happy.

Modernization

In a college town one would expect to be able to find just about anything. Apparently that reality did not make it this far inland. Here we have a university town that has no understanding of cinematic history. Some movies don't even make it into the theatres here, while others occupy every screen for three days at a time. This complaint will focus on the inability to locate two specific movies on DVD: "The Incredible Mr. Limpet" and "The Ghost and Mr. Chicken."

You may have noted my husband's post on the lovely little town where we live and it's shortcomings. I wish to add more to those shortcomings. Let's talk about old movies for a minute here. Wait, they're not even that old, they're from the sixties! In color! You know! But do they exist here? No.

I intended to memorialize Don Knotts by watching the two movies in question back to back. So I sent my hubby off to rent them. When he returned, he had some interesting news. He had been to two major movie rental businesses and even asked at the counter, with no luck. At Blockbuster the girl at the counter started laughing when she heard the titles. She was then surprised to hear that Don Knotts had passed away. After much searching she said that they did have "The Incredible Mr. Limpet" on DVD. However, someone had borrowed it a year earlier and never returned it. My guess is that person was a student and moved out of town taking the movie with them. The next place said they had a very old VHS copy of "The Ghost and Mr. Chicken," but as we have no VCR that did little good. The one nice thing about that place was that the clerk had actually heard of Don Knotts. Craig went to buy the movies or a season of "The Andy Griffith Show," but the local Borders does not stock any of them. Not even a season of the tv show! I would think that'd be a staple in any store that sold DVDs, it was a very popular program.

Upon learning this sad news I decided that I would just buy the DVDs off Amazon.com. I found the first film without any trouble and put it in my Shopping Cart. When I searched for "The Ghost and Mr. Chicken" I met with another unexpected surprise. You can buy it on DVD, but it's anywhere from $54.99 to $199.99 and there are only three copies on Amazon. Now, as much as I enjoy that movie I am not paying that much money for it. Imagine my joy when I discovered that if you ordered a set of four movies on DVD for $11.99 you could obtain that one. So, yeah, you can buy the movie by itself for a modest $200 or you can splurge and spend twelve bucks to get that movie along with three other Don Knotts movies. Whatever. The good news is that I will get to see the movies eventually.

The bad news is that I wanted to watch them last night and couldn't. I don't usually care about instant gratification. I was willing to wait however long it would take to go to the store and rent the movies. But the results were somewhat ridiculous. I come from a sleepy town that doesn't even have a dot to locate it on a map and the local library has these two movies. A great big, university town with everything modern you could imagine has a bunch of people who have never even heard of Don Knotts . . . may he rest in peace.

I'm Like Drudge, Except That I Tell the Truth

Not that many people read my blog or anything. But I thought I'd make a better case for my previous post on Saddam's WMD. I've always wanted to join the blogger news force and help break a story that is not getting out there because no one will talk about it, including the White House.

One mainstream news article after all.

Up to the minute.

UK news article, it's not just us.

Here's the story on O'Reilly.

Here's a summary of the summit to discuss the whole thing.

What will happen to the mainstream media? Or who cares, they suck anyway.

The argument is not so new after all.

Don Knotts Died

I'm devestated! Don Knotts was one of the funniest actors ever. If you've ever watched reruns of "The Andy Griffith Show" you know this truth.

I'm going to go rent "The Incredible Mr. Limpet" and "The Ghost and Mr. Chicken" and watch them back to back to console myself.

I Can't Believe It . . .

. . . or maybe I can. For those of you who still think Bush lied, go ahead, eat your heart out.

A General Update and A Tagging

Of course, it's worse than I thought. After ending up in the emergency room and having the doctors there be unable to diagnose me I have come to that conclusion. I'm going to see a specialist this week to find out what is wrong with me, but I suspect ulcers. Anyway, lots of pain, no fun and not much ambition to write. So, I'll participate in a little survey that I got tagged to do and leave it at that for now.

1: Black and White or Color; how do you prefer your movies? It just depends on the movie. Some are better in color, some black and white. For example, "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" would not work as a black and white film. One needs the rich colors to imagine the flavor of all that candy. On the other hand, the point of "It's a Wonderful Life" is very immaterial and deep. Color would take away from that aspect of the movie and cause one to focus more on the visual aspect than the thematic.

2: What is the one single subject that bores you to near-death? Listening to music majors/people talk about music. (Note: it is not music that bores me, it is listening to people who know too much about music go on endlessly about intracies that no one else cares about and criticize other people's singing or music because most of them have really big egos and do not believe that anyone else could possibly be good at what they do.)

3: MP3s, CDs, Tapes or Records: what is your favorite medium for prerecorded music? CDs, they're cheap and any song I want to hear is going to exist on CD.

4: You are handed one first class trip plane ticket to anywhere in the world and ten million dollars cash. All of this is yours provided that you leave and not tell anyone where you are going … Ever. This includes family, friends, everyone. Would you take the money and ticket and run? So what you mean to say is, "your money or your freinds?" Thank you for the kind thought, but I'll keep my friends.

5: Seriously, what do you consider the world’s most pressing issue now? Terrorism and nuclear proliferation are near the top of the list, so is the utter disregard for human life exemplified throughout the world. But as a Christian I try to remember who is really in control and it's not us. The most pressing issue might actually be something very different than my ant-like perspective can identify.

6: How would you rectify the world’s most pressing issue? When I find out I'll tell you.

7: You are given the chance to go back and change one thing in your life; what would that be? You can never change just one thing. Changing one thing would have a ripple effect on every other event that came after the one you changed. You never know what would have happened. Even if I regret something in my life, I would not want to change it because I learned from it. Besides, life is too short to live it on regrets.

8: You are given the chance to go back and change one event in world history, what would that be? Nothing. You never know what would have happened. Killing Hitler might not have prevented the Holocaust, there were others who believed what he believed.

9: A night at the opera, or a night at the Grand Ole’ Opry –Which do you choose? I enjoy opera, so that's what I would choose. A good Mozart opera.

10: What is the one great unsolved crime of all time you’d like to solve? I don't know. Unsolved crimes are usually surrounded by myths and weird crap. I'm reminded of the movie "8mm" upon hearing this question (don't worry, I only saw the edited for tv version). Some things are better left alone and truth is always stranger than fiction. Now, if you want mystery, who are the workers in Willie Wonka's chocolate factory?

11: One famous author can come to dinner with you. Who would that be, and what would you serve for the meal? Brian Jacques, of course. I would serve Deeper'n Ever Pie and pasties with strawberry fizz to drink and some rhubarb crumble for desert. And I would ask him to talk mole speech and talk like a hare. We would have a hilarious time and I would tell him that he is my inspiration for becoming a famous author one day.

12: You discover that John Lennon was right, that there is no hell below us, and above us there is only sky — what’s the first immoral thing you might do to celebrate this fact? Nothing. It is not the fear of hell that makes me what I am, it is the fact that God changed me. Of course, it would be fun to return to my alma mater and demolish the awful classroom building that caused me so much allergy pain for four years. I don't think that's an immoral act however, I think it would be an act of kindness.

Illness

Yup, I'm sick. Really sick. So, don't expect to hear much from me for a few days or a week. I'm in hiding. To be precise, I'm asleep. At the moment I am only half asleep, which is why I can write this coherently. In a little bit I will be completely asleep. You won't get anything out of me then.

Being sick hurts. All medicines have something in them that make me even sicker due to my favorite sulfite sensitivity. So the only thing I can really do to get better is sleep and drink water and orange juice.

I'm sure you all wanted to know this.

Skipping Those Ones

Why is it that I have only ever seen maybe two movies nominated for Oscars? I consider my tastes in movies to be better than most people's. I only go to see the ones that get good reviews or the ones my friends tell me are really good. Still, of this year's nominees I have only seen "Pride and Prejudice," "Batman Begins," "The Corpse Bride," "The Curse of the Were Rabbit," "Cinderella Man," "The Chronicles of Narnia," and "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory." And those ones got nominated for really crappy awards (other than the two animated ones).

I'm never going to respect the people who nominate for Oscars. For example, let's talk about "Lost in Translation." That was all the rage. I watched the movie. I went through the entire movie wondering when it was going to start and then it ended. Maybe I missed something, but it didn't seem like much of a masterpiece to me. It's always like that.

Explanation

Here's why he printed the cartoons. I apologize if you have to be registered with Wash. Post to get the article, however, since it is free it will not take you a moment to register and then you can read the article.

Upon further research, I have learned that it is not and never was against the Islamic religion to depict Muhammed in pictures. It is an influence of the Wahhabi sect of Islam and many Muslims still disagree over the idea.

Plugging Away

The more I look at this, the funnier I think it is. So I had to post a short plug and tell other people who might appreciate the humor.

Whatever

I haven't rambled on this blog in a while. It is always so serious, or so seriously funny. I never just let my thoughts go wherever the wind will take them. So, here goes nothin'.

I like my new job a lot. It's nice not to have to deal with jerks all the time. Nobody cusses me out over the phone. Most of what I do is intricate, makes me think and includes staring at computer screens. I have a lovely little office where I can lock myself away and be all alone during lunch time. It's nice to get some all by my lonesome time every day. I like having a little space now and again. The one thing that differs between this job and the one I lost is the friendship factor. The people back at City Hall were my friends. I enjoyed hanging around with them and chatting. I miss having work buddies.

Furthermore, I have found that wherever I go I meet and make friends with the oddball people. The ones who no one else take seriously. I have never worked in a job and not had a "weird friend," as I call them. I enjoy hanging out with the people no one else understands. I do not make these strange friends because I pity them. Rather, because I see the good in almost every person and I think that every person can teach me something about life in general. Here, everyone is taken seriously and everyone likes everyone else. There are no oddballs.

Actually, I take that back, there is an oddball: me. I'm the one without friends. I'm the misfit who's happy to be here but does not make sense in this place. I'm a poli-sci major working in mental health. I do not think like anyone else here. But there is no other person like me who makes friends with the weird one out. So now I'm all alone. I'm not sad about this. It's a great job and I enjoy it. Yet, I do wish that I did not have to be the weird one. I guess I know how it feels now. I miss my weird friends. They've all been left behind and I just do my job without any funny interruptions by people who will never make sense to those more normal than me.

Stupid, Just Stupid

People are nuts. That story should be one of those here and gone things where you kind of notice it, shrug and then forget it. The one about Cheney swearing at a Senator is almost more newsworthy than this one. If this story does get noticed it should be because Cheney had done an exemplary job making up for his mistake. Instead people are acting like Cheny shot his hunting buddy on purpose or something. I mean, come on, if I was gonna shoot my hunting buddy on purpose I'd sure as hell use something other than a shotgun with birdshot in it at long range! The national media is all upset now because Cheney did not immediately get on his cell phone to let them know he'd accidentally shot his buddy. He actually rushed over to make sure his friend was okay and then got him to a hospital. Man, Cheney's got messed up priorities. He made certain that good health care was provided for the man who he hurt by accident instead of talking to every damn newspaper in the country.

If I wasn't jaded before . . .

When I Least Expected

At the moment and in the place where I least expected it, I found a job. This one looks feasible, workable, good and my style of job. I started today. I enjoyed my first day immensely. Even orientation was a bit fun. One of the company CEOs talked to us and he made it clear that the company is honest with its employees and seeks to treat them well. The atmosphere seems right for me. The people are very friendly. I started getting to know several of the other new hires right off.

Basically, I am working in a mental health facility, dealing with insurance coverage for patients. It's an area where confidentiality is key, but since I will never see the patients that will be easy. My work is complex and most of it is done by computer. It's kind of fun learning new programs and systems.

Thank you for your prayers. They are much appreciated. I will not call this the end of my employment journey, but for the moment I am content. If this is what God had in mind all along then I do not know why I complained so much in the beginning.

Engler Why Did You Leave?

Because he was going to be term limited anway. I know, I know. I'm talking about Michigan. In the early 1980s when Blanchard was governor the state motto changed to "Last one to leave, turn out the lights!" Then we had twelve years with Governor Engler and I never could figure out why people did not like him. I mean, jobs were plentiful and the state government was not too intrusive. My state scholarship was well funded too. Now it's Granholm and the motto is quickly going back to the one we had under Blanchard. Granholm is charismatic and nice. But Michigan needs something more than charisma, it needs economic help. I don't usually agree with George Will (I think he's a weirdo), but for once he made some good points in an article.

I feel for my former home state. In a sense I will always be a Michigander, it's something that I can't change. I will always be proud of American made automobiles. Flaunting your Honda at me may always be a hanging offense even though it gets better gas mileage and most of the parts in it are American made anyway. I will always love snow and wind and cold weather during the wintery part of the year. That goes without saying, despite the fact that my weakened constitution cannot take the cold anymore and I am frequently ill during the winter months. Trees and cars, that's Michigan.

Sadly, Granholm has sent it into a major decline. She also tried to take away my state scholarship (which never made sense to me because she's a liberal and aren't they supposed to be for free education?). I really wish she would go back to Canada, not that I have anything against Canada, it's just that many of her policies would be more welcome there. Of course, now I've moved and I have no say in the gubernatorial race that's starting to get competitive. But I still care. I hope DeVos wins, because he knows the importance of business and employment. His plans are also much more feasible.

Creative Protesting

A citizen has launched a creative protest in response to the Supreme Court's recent decsion on eminent domain. He plans to take Justice Souter's land for public use as a hotel (the Lost Liberty Hotel) and to build the justice's house into a cafe (Just Deserts). I find this to be an utterly hilarious gesture, although I doubt it will go anywhere soon. On the other hand who knows? While it is kind of mean for this guy to pick on the poor, old justice, it was also wrong of Souter to vote the way he did on that case. The right to property is important and the Constitution clearly indicates that it should be protected by government and not violated. More information here.

Three Ways To Lose A War

1. Completely ignore all philosophic and religious underpinnings, especially as regards the enemy's view of you. Check.

2. Spend way too little money on the war in the first place and pull your troops out before they can finish disarming the enemy. Check.

3. Never reprimand your really stupid press about leaking important, secret information to the entire world until it has leaked something that is way too sensitive to ignore (allowing the information to reach the press is part of this one). Check.

Sometimes I Feel So Blonde

I apologize, everyone. I had my comments set to moderate and I really don't know how that happened. Anyway, since I have not put any email address into my blog settings the comments were not sent to me. Therefore, I have no way of finding and publishing any comments that may have been left for me. I'm sorry about that. I just thought you would all like to know why I have not moderated my comments. I just had a blonde moment I guess.

EDIT: I found them! I found them! It's like Christmas! I found all the comments. I feel terrible. I didn't even know comment moderation was turned on. You know what's really funny, my husband left a comment and he's heard me complaining about the comment thing for a week and half and he never told me that comment moderation was working. I finally got an email from one of my blogosphere friends informing me of what I had done. Thank you Rinceoir.

And what's even funnier. Not two weeks ago I told my friend Isaac that comments were not working on his blog. Then he found out that he had comment moderation on by accident. You'd think I would have checked that if I knew all that.

All Or Nothing

That fragment describes Americans. That's what we are: an all or nothing people. We choose extremes, only extremes, nothing in between will do. We will have something one way or not at all. I propose that we have not always been this way. That we, in fact, once allowed compromise and partial agreement to win the day. Some may not have liked the compromises, but they understood the fact that such things had to be. Now, however, we accept no compromises and thus none of us are content with the way things are. Perhaps a few examples would clarify the discussion.

The Constitutional Convention of 1787 brought enormous disagreements to the forefront of American politics. Delegates from different regions wanted the new country to be shaped according to their own agendas. Thus, it was only through discussion, debate and eventual compromise that anything could be accomplished. One common example of this would be the issue of representation in the legislature. Large states wanted to be represented by delegates chosen according to population, while small states wanted each state to have one or two representatives. In the end they agreed upon a bicameral legislature that chose representatives in both of the desired means of choosing.

Another example, that is not often given much weight, would be that of slavery. Northern delegates to the Convention did not want slavery (I do think it was an unconscionable wrong, so don't bother me about slavery, okay) in the Constitution at all, period, nada. Some southernors like James Madison, Patrick Henry, George Washington and (yes, even) Thomas Jefferson agreed. However, many delegates felt slighted that they would not have representation for part of their population. These men would have refused to vote for a Constitution at all without some recognition of their region's way of life. In the end a way was found to mention slavery, give representation to that segment of the population and still not put the words "slaves" or "Negroes" into the document itself. There are three compromises on the issue of slavery within the Constitution. First, the Three Fifths clause allows each state to include "three fifths of all other Persons." (Article 1, Section 2, Clause 3). Many people assume that this clause means the founders believed an African American was three fifths of a person. It does not. It means they were acknowledging without acknowledging because they hoped that this part of the Constitution would become obselete before long. The second compromise on slavery can be found in Article 1, Section 9, Clause 1. Here the Constitution states that the slave trade cannot be stopped until after 1808. This was simply to reassure southernors. Congress did outlaw the slave trade upon January 1, 1808. The third compromise on slavery is that of the Fugitive Slave Clause from Article 4, Section 2, Clause 3. This, as we probably all know, provided that a person could not escape "Service or Labour" in one state, by moving to another state that did not have the same laws. Many believe that these compromises show the framers' unwavering support for the institution of slavery (these many not being students of history). However, they show that the framers knew they had to compromise on a terrible injustice which existed in America. If not for those compromises our country would not be one country today. The founders chose between union or an end to slavery. Since many of them believed that slavery was utterly wrong, they assumed that people would grow wiser and would allow it to die out over the next 50 years or so. While this prediction turned out wrong, there was no way for them to know that. Thus, you can see that on a very serious matter the founders were willing to agree on some things so that much good could be done in one way and perhaps more good could be done further down the road. They took a small step by not including the word "slave" in the Constitution, in the hopes that a larger step could be taken without bloodshed. Furthermore, they built a country with the belief that they could make that country better as they went along. Rather than do things the "all or nothing" way, they chose to take important issues one at a time.

Major polarization over the issue of slavery led up to the Civil War. You could read entire books on the sectionalism that preceded the Civil War, so I will let you do that. Suffice it to say that things got ugly. In the meantime, the great compromisers died. One of the most well known of these great thinkers was Henry Clay. An eccentric southernor with much influence and eloquence, he presented the Compromise of 1850 which took a lot of debate to pass. Not long after that Henry Clay, Daniel Webster and John Calhoun died. The three of them were, to my mind, the last great thinkers and compromisers left in the United States Congress. Their death left no men of influence who had been alive long enough to have witnessed and fully understood the birth of our country and the principles set up at that time (not that Calhoun understood that stuff anyway). Then we had the Civil War and since that time compromise has been a thing of the past.

Today we are faced with many important issues upon which neither of the debate can we find a willingness for compromise. Two explosive domestic issues are abortion and homosexual marriage. One polarizing foreign policy issue is our response to terrorists and rogue nations who harbor terrorists. On each side of these issues we find people who want all or nothing. Preferably all. But we cannot have all. That is the way of it. We must either destroy one another and our own country or agree upon a compromise. No amount of agreeing to disagree will solve the problems at hand. Only a concerted effort to agree upon a midway point will have any effect. And yet we will not do that, because we no longer understand the art of compromise.

Perhaps some more concrete example would help you understand my meaning. Pro-lifers want no abortion whatsoever. They want Roe v. Wade overturned, although many of us never stop to realize that since states have changed their laws to allow for abortion now, overturning Roe would have little effect. On the other side, pro-choicers (or pro-abortionists) want a woman to have the full right to choose up until the day her child is coming through the birth canal. America actually has liberal abortion laws compared with most of Europe because we are unwilling to accept small changes in the laws. By we, I mean, especially pro-lifers. We try to push for the big change, the one that's going to be the magic wand to solve all of our problems. We do not recognize those who make small victories in our case because that's not what we want. But the fact is, small steps are the best way to change this. Small steps are the best way to show people that the unborn child's right to life is more important than anyone's right to choose. It sounds radical when phrased thus because my words do not express that small change nor the passage of time that gives the small change weight. First, make people understand that an unborn child is a human being. Then move on to change some minor laws, finally, watch the big laws become unpopular and die out. That is the way we should think about this issue. Killing one another over the issue will not solve the problem, it will only make us hate the other side more.

Next, consider the problem of homosexual marriage. It has come before the national spotlight and will not go away if we ignore it. On either side compromises could be made. What is wrong with civil unions? Homosexuals consider them to signify a sort of second class citizenship. On the other side, many against homosexual marriage revile civil unions. They see homosexual marriage as an affront to their beliefs and faith. You notice I have not given my opinion on this issue yet. That is because no one can understand compromise anymore, so if I state my full opinion, everyone will be insulted. It sucks, doesn't it? I'm going to lose no matter what I say, so I will just go for it. I believe that God intended marriage as something to exist between a man and a woman for many reasons. I believe that it makes the most sense biologically speaking because the procreation of the species is important. I also believe that civil unions would give homosexuals the legal benefit of marriage which is all the government can really do. Marriage itself is something beyond the laws made by man, thus it cannot be redefined or cheapened in God's eyes no matter what we do. The real issue is legal recognition, and that can be compromised on. Or at least, at one time it could be. There, I said it, shoot me.

Third and finally, I pointed out the issue of terrorism and our response to rogue nations. I have talked long enough, so I will not digress too deeply into this point. We seem to believe that we can either destroy all those who stand in our way or hide under tables waiting for them to bomb our cities. A greater emphasis on defense and collaboration with other nations facing this threat might be an excellent compromise here. One side of the dialogue (for it is not a debate) wants to destroy all threats, the other side wants to allow the UN to do everything for us (these are just examples and may not represent all views on the matter). And each side wants everything to be their own way, but there are no two ways to do this. Not now, not ever.

In conclusion, I realize that I have said some shocking things in the eyes of both conservatives and liberals. I have expressed opinions that undoubtedly offend. Many will misunderstand my words. "How can she be a conservative?" you will ask. And I will answer in the immortal words of Daniel Webster, "Liberty and union, now and forever, one and inseparable!" If the man who could say that could see his way to compromise then so can I.

Give Me A Break

I paused to read some news today and the first thing I read was this story. I had heard a whisper about the whole Danish cartoon thing before now, yet I had no idea it was being blown so out of proportion.

Okay, would I like it if somebody drew a picture that depicted Jesus wearing a turban in the shape of a bomb? No. But I would also probably laugh at the poor fool who drew the picture and shrug my shoulders. Such is life. There was a play made awhile back which depicted Jesus as a gay man who sleeps around. If that's not offensive to Christianity I don't know what is. Take the Mormon belief that Jesus traveled around the Americas and you've got some really weird affronts to Christianity. But Christians don't say things like this about people who offend our religion: “Whoever defames our prophet should be executed,” and "Denmark must be blown up.” Any Christian who rattles of a remotely extreme sentence is publicly humiliated for weeks on end.

This whole mess does not make Islam look like a happy religion. Freedom of religion is necessary, and each religion should allow for other religions to co-exist as well as viewpoints against their religions. Attacks on one's beliefs are to be expected. Many do not understand the faith of others, no matter what that faith may be. One journalist drawing a stupid cartoon should not send so large a portion of a religious sect into turmoil. After all, if that religion has truth in it then it will survive the stupidity of an offensive cartoonist.

I do not condone the drawing of offensive cartoons. I think it was very wrong of newspapers to print those drawings. However, I do not believe the answer to the problem is to kill the person who drew the picture and destroy their country. If anything, that gives weight to the nature of the drawing. It would be far better to point out why Islam is a peaceful religion by admonishing the newspapers that printed the picture and giving them reasons why their ideas are false. Tell people why the drawings are nonsense, don't threaten to destroy the entirety of Europe. After all, throwing one's cities into turmoil over a few offensive drawings is akin to the message pro-lifers send when they bomb abortion clinics.

Even so, some more moderate voices do speak in the crowds and it is good to hear them:
"Al-Sistani, who wields enormous influence over Iraq’s majority Shiites, suggested militant Muslims were partly to blame. He referred to 'misguided and oppressive' segments of the Muslim community and said their actions 'projected a distorted and dark image of the faith of justice, love and brotherhood.'"

EDIT: Here is the link to the Danish cartoons that started it all. I include this for clarity's sake, not for any malicious reason. I know that the media in the U.S. will refuse to reprint these cartoons anywhere, and I believe that people should know the whole truth of the matter. Here, also, is a link to another blogger who paid closer attention to detail than I or most others. If my posting of these links makes you suddenly want to kill me and destroy my cities (not that I have cities yet) please pick up your telephone, dial the operator and ask for the nearest psychiatrist in your location. Then go see that person. Thanks.

Moods and Lobbyists

Right now I am trying to get over the sad feeling that losing my job has given me. Next week will be my last week. Monday will be the last Monday there. My co-workers have all become very dear to me and I will miss them. Some of the people there want to help me find a good job and that's great because I plan to stay in touch with them. I have thought about leaving pranks for the less than qualified individual who will replace me. I have considered writing random things in his calendar to freak him out and placing thumb tacks or gum in strategic locations. Maybe a random bottle of something nasty disguised as ink or maybe I should break all the lead off from every pencil there and bust the pens so that he will get ink stains all over himself. There's all kinds of things I could do if I put my mind to it. But really, I don't care. It's not his fault he stole my job, it's the stupid, corrupt Mayor's fault. Anyway, I'm not meaning to rant. It just kinda hurts, you know. It's hilarious when you stop to think about it. I mean, how many people can say that the Mayor of a city took their job and gave it to a homosexual alcoholic with a criminal background? Not too many, I'd guess. So then, moving on. I am also trying to get over the fact that no one has commented on my blog in freaking two weeks. While I do not live for comments and I write for myself alone, it is sometimes nice to read other people's thoughts and to realize that someone out there does care. Oh well.

Now, I have given some thought to the whole Abramoff scandal. This brings me to another reason as to why I like Mike Pence so much. I watched him being interviewed on C-Span about a week and a half ago. The interviewer had a fetish for talking about the lobbyist scandals and he said something to this effect: "People are very upset about the fact that lobbyists can get the attention of Congresspeople when their own constituents are powerless to have an effect on their opinion." The interviewer further suggested that we put an end to lobbying on Capitol Hill.

Pence shot the guy down in 30 seconds. He pointed out that not every lobbyist is evil. In fact, most are not. He also stated that lobbying groups are more often than not made up of constituents with similar interests who want their voices heard. Pence thinks that one bad lobbyist should not be enough to destroy the entire system. And I agree.

I worked in D.C. for a while and I met a lot of very nice, very concerned lobbyists. Often they were nicer and more down to earth than the staff people who take constituent calls in Congressional offices. That is probably because they are not always stuck in the bubble world of Washington, D.C. where constituents can become annoyances just because they can't read the mind of the person answering the phone. Not that all Congresspeople are horrid, they're not, they tend to have staffers who do not think highly enough of their constituents, however. I digress. The fact is, lobbying is a workable system that does not need to be scrapped because one guy got some bribes in. I think that those who accepted the bribes should be punished as should that lobbyist, he really took advantage of a lot of American Indian tribes. But I digress, on with the rant.

People need to realize that lobbyists are not a bunch of wealthy weirdos who want to screw everyone over. They are frequently groups of concerned citizens who pool their resources and take their common cause to the Federal government for help. While I do not believe that this is what the Founders meant for things to work, I do believe that it could be one of the best systems possible when you consider the way Congress has outsourced their power to agencies. The fact is that someone has to see the laws that do not make sense and point them out or try to change them. Congresspeople do not have time to do that anymore. But lobbyists do have time. Furthermore, who is going to bring people's concerns to the government? Most people are apathetic about government on the whole. Thus, we need someone who is willing to be more energetic in the voicing of opinions. Why not lobbyists?

Really, lobbyists are not a whole bunch of jerks who bribe public officials. One is for sure, and he's getting his comeuppance. So get over it.

The Tangled Web, or Corruption In A Town

I know, I am supposed to talk about the State of the Union Address. Don't worry, I might. Right now, my own problems are hitting home a lot harder than those at the national level. I learned something today, something that makes me both angry and triumphant.

Most of you know that I was trying to get a job at City Hall where I have been temping for the past month and a half. That's the backstory. The current situation is that I am the althernate for the job and the new person will be arriving on Feb. 13 to fill the position. I have agreed to stay on as a temp until then. That's more so that I have time to say goodbye to all the friends I've made than anything else. Today, I learned something noteworthy.

My co-worker turned to me and said, "Esther, for what it's worth, you were the first pick for this job." I was astounded. I knew that the Mayor sometimes dictates who gets jobs. However, I understood that he only did that when the job was something higher up, like a program director. Everyone I spoke to told me that the Mayor would not handpick a person for a secretary position like the one I wanted. But no, the Mayor put pressure on the department to hire this one guy. Guess who the guy is? Well, he's the Deputy Mayor's gay lover. I'm serious. I got passed over for someone's love life. Needless to say everyone in the department already hates the new person because they wanted me to get hired and they know the reason I did not get hired. Okay, can I say discrimination?

It all makes sense, you know. When the hiring manager called me into her office to tell me that I did not get the job she was practically in tears. She could not give me a real reason as to why they did not pick me. She just kept saying that I am such a strong candidate and it was a difficult choice to make. In fact, it sounded to me like she made the choice because someone told her what choice she had to make.

On the one hand, I feel elated. I know now that I am good enough to be hired. I know that I did nothing wrong. I know that these people were not choosing against me for any technical reason and that they took all my efforts into account. In the end, they had to keep their jobs. And the Mayor would have replaced them if they did not do what he said.

But I am also very angry and upset. I cannot help but cry foul and point out the fact that this administration is a very liberal one. People go on about Republican corruption and ignore the corruption in their own backyard. The ones who called for progressive reform are the ones who defy and corrupt it this very day. Honestly, a part of me wants to make that stupid, foul Mayor pay for this a hundred times over. But I'm not like that, and I know that I would be shooting myself in the foot if I did that. He would never allow anyone to hire me and he would probably fire half the people in that department if he found out that I know this. Don't get me wrong here, if the Mayor's appointee was worth hiring I would be fine with the situation. But apparently this fellow has no credentials, he stunk in his interview and he has a criminal record. Great.

So yeah, keep it on the down low.

I'm gonna find someplace to sit and cry now and construct campaign strategies for electing a new Mayor.