I've Moved!

In case anyone is still reading I just want you all to know that I have moved and sort of morphed into a more family type blog. Come and see me: http://thepoopdalek.wordpress.com/

Moving Right Along

I continue to press onwards toward my goals in life. I keep trying to decide if I want to stop blogging entirely or return to writing a couple times a week. I think I'd like to blog, I just run out of time. I am a thinker and an observer and don't always wish to tell the world what is on my mind. We'll see where that gets me.

I recently finished a couple classes to become a nurse's aide. I am looking for a job working with patients. It's an exciting time for me. I estimate that I have two more years before I can start medical school. Another two years of that and I'll have my career as a physician assistant.

I think I want to specialize in surgery once I get to med school. However, I might also emphasize cardiology. So far it is my strongest interest in medicine.

Life has been crazy busy for the past several months. I thought I'd have a nice summer break, but instead I've been busy most of the time. Next week I'll be starting my classes for the fall. I'm kind of shocked at how fast this year has flown by.

I've been reading a lot of blogs and ideas and stuff lately. I'll try to incorporate some of my thoughts into later posts. Frankly, it's difficult to write sometimes. I feel as if I know so little and so much at the same time. But I'll try. I think.

My Brain Never Tires

There's this phrase that I don't like much. It goes: "You've got your head in the clouds." I think it means that I am a thinking person. Which is why the phrase strikes me as ridiculous. It would be more accurate to say that I have my head cerebrally located -- perhaps differing from the bodily locations where others sometimes keep their heads? Another meaning of the phrase "head in the clouds" is the notion that I'm not here on earth. I do not understand why it's not possible to be a thinker, a dreamer, and a realist at the same time. There are so many false dichotomies that seem to persist in day-to-day living.

I like to think about dichotomies sometimes -- true or false. I took a logic course a long time ago and I remember reading the tactics for challenging statements of this sort. A dichotomy sets up a sort of "if" . . . "then". . . scenario. For example, "If God created the world, then evolution is false." Or vice-versa. I know that's a big can of worms and I do not wish to get into a debate at the moment. But why is so little merit given to the notion that God creating the earth and evolution could co-exist? Why are so many things considered offhandedly wrong just because we want something else to be right? The best way to challenge the argument seems to mean that you must take one side or the other. I kind of like to consider the possibility that both might be true or both might be false.

There are so many things that exist in tandem. You might say the world is much more gray than it is black and white. But it is comforting to see the black and white more clearly than the gray. For example, villains should be like the ones in cartoons, or like Voldemort: all evil. But then you get heroes who are not completely good. Face it, none of them are. Peter Pan was kind of a self-righteous snot; Harry Potter rarely trusts his friends; Odysseus got all his friends killed and made up stories constantly. I could go on. If the heroes can have flaws, even traits we would consider "evil" then why can't the villains have some good in them?

Or is it that fear of the unknown that people wish to avoid. That fear that if you look into the eyes of the villain and see that he's only human then you won't want the hero to take him out anymore? And what does it mean for the rest of society? It appears to mean that bad can exist in the shape of good. Which means that it takes work to tell what is right and what is wrong. It's easier just to pretend that all things operate on extremes. Isn't it?

Spring Is Here

Every season change brings something new. For me that usually means a sinus infection, a cold, or bronchitis. I think it's just a nasty head-cold this time around. I was thinking today that had it not been spring break I might have had to miss class a few times this week. Lucky for me it is spring break and I can just go ahead and sleep in. And totally waste my spring break week on stuff that isn't fun at all.

The real question, of course, is: am I back to blogging? I don't know for sure. As usual I have many ideas on stuff to blog about. My running commentary on life has little to no outlet without the blog. It's kind of upsetting actually. I miss the therapeutic aspect of typing away my thoughts into an angry or comic rant. Whichever fits my mood.

I think that part of the reason I don't blog much anymore is that constrictive feeling of knowing that so many people I am personally acquainted with will read my writing. Not to say I mind that. I kinda like it that people I know think my stuff is worth reading. On the other hand, I do have to temper it a little. However, there is this thought that I would probably temper my writing even if people I know didn't read it. The fact is, someone I know will likely come across my words and I would not wish to be unkind.

What's the big deal about anonymous blogging anyway? Why is it so frightening for people who know us to know what we are thinking? Yes, it's easier to be honest when you're talking to faceless names on a computer -- who have no nonverbal communication to boot. But is that right? Or is this one of those things that goes beyond right and wrong and is defined more by personal preference, attitude, and ability to assert one's real personality?

You tell me. If you've a mind.

Good At Math

The color green is said to be soothing. It's true, it is. I always feel better after gazing at lush, green trees. What better color to use to write a rant then?

I suppose my faithful readers must be wondering if I still exist. Yes, I do. I have had very little time to write in the past few months. I am working part time and doing school part time. Which brings me to my subject.

My stupid trig teacher gave me a D-. This means I have to retake the class. I always thought I was good at math. Now I am not so sure. Of course, it is difficult to tell when the teacher can only speak (very) broken English and fails to teach anything about the subject. All he really said was "Is easy for you!" or "Need more practice" or "More practice, good for you!" None of these sentences helped me understand what the sine of 45 degrees is.

Other students told me that they had failed all the man's tests and not done all their homework yet they still got an A or B+. His curve was described as "wicked." I guess I was at the bottom of the curve then.

I am pretty much spitting mad now.

So, I'll write more later about what's going on in my life. Maybe.

Too Much Time

Lately I have discovered I have a problem. It's called free time. I listen to other people talk about free time and how they don't have enough of it and they always want more of it. I just can't identify with that mindset. I have way too much free time. Growing up my Aunt P. would have "found" me "something to do" if I had complained of being bored. She was not a fan of the word "bored" or any form it can take. That was one of those quirks that I loved her for. However, the problem is not that I am bored or that I do not have enough to do. I cook, I clean, I job hunt. I hope against hope that I will be able to afford classes this semester.

No, the real problem is that I think too much. My brain cannot stop ruminating. It can get intense. The longer I have no intellectual pursuits the worse it becomes. This is certainly not that I condemn thinking or being an intellectual. Just that when I spend too much time alone with no intellectual pursuits I begin to lose some of my logic and rationality. It makes it more difficult for me to write (blog). I won't use the word crazy, but sometimes I feel like climbing walls. I simply cannot be tied down for any reason. Left to my own devices I need something to keep my mind occupied. I often fall into the realm of the past.

I will go over and over the same memories scouring them for more information. This is both helpful and not helpful. I have managed to accept a few of the tragedies that occurred during my lifetime. For example, the death of my friend C. whom I used to work with when my husband and I lived in Indiana. For a long time I could not face the fact that C. was gone. One of his favorite shows was My Name Is Earl. I have watched that show religiously for the past two years. It got canceled at the end of last season. When I realized the show was gone I felt like my friend had died all over again. I think I had put off accepting his death as long as I had a little memorial of him to hang onto. At first I thought I would be devastated. Yet, after a few more weeks I realized that I remember him joyfully. I am still sad he's gone, but I have accepted that it happened. Somehow putting my grief into something he cared about helped move me forward on that issue. So, that's just an example. It's minor compared to some of the other things I've been through (deaths in the family and more personal issues that I do not feel comfortable sharing in this rather public forum).

I have an overactive brain and when it doesn't have enough to do it seeks out all sorts of notions to churn over. On the one hand, it's good to have the time to process things (like C.'s death) that I put aside when I was too busy. On the other, I just feel like I have way too much free time. I really need a job again . . .

To Whom It May Concern

I have never let my blog slide for this long before. The last month and a half was extremely busy and in some ways difficult for me.

I started working full time at an enormous company. It was a temp job though and they ran out of work for me. Now I am back to sitting on my bum, doing homework, and cleaning the house until they can find me some more work. Boredom is frustrating for me, so I hope I start working again soon. The job schedule I was working was about perfect for me. Hence, more frustration at losing it.

My grandmother passed away during my first two weeks of working full time and I was unable to attend the memorial service, it being in another state and me just starting my job and all. That was a bummer.

I had a wonderful vacation in Michigan for one week. It wasn't all fun and games since I was the matron of honor in a friend's wedding. Actually, it was all fun. For our anniversary Craig and I swore off doing wedding prep work and went to Lake Michigan for a day. It was great.

Now I am back home and working on a relatively huge decision. I am thinking that I might go back to school full time and work some sort of evening shift. I have put together a tentative class schedule. Of course, I take forever to make important decisions like this. So, that's where I am right now.