Too Much Time

Lately I have discovered I have a problem. It's called free time. I listen to other people talk about free time and how they don't have enough of it and they always want more of it. I just can't identify with that mindset. I have way too much free time. Growing up my Aunt P. would have "found" me "something to do" if I had complained of being bored. She was not a fan of the word "bored" or any form it can take. That was one of those quirks that I loved her for. However, the problem is not that I am bored or that I do not have enough to do. I cook, I clean, I job hunt. I hope against hope that I will be able to afford classes this semester.

No, the real problem is that I think too much. My brain cannot stop ruminating. It can get intense. The longer I have no intellectual pursuits the worse it becomes. This is certainly not that I condemn thinking or being an intellectual. Just that when I spend too much time alone with no intellectual pursuits I begin to lose some of my logic and rationality. It makes it more difficult for me to write (blog). I won't use the word crazy, but sometimes I feel like climbing walls. I simply cannot be tied down for any reason. Left to my own devices I need something to keep my mind occupied. I often fall into the realm of the past.

I will go over and over the same memories scouring them for more information. This is both helpful and not helpful. I have managed to accept a few of the tragedies that occurred during my lifetime. For example, the death of my friend C. whom I used to work with when my husband and I lived in Indiana. For a long time I could not face the fact that C. was gone. One of his favorite shows was My Name Is Earl. I have watched that show religiously for the past two years. It got canceled at the end of last season. When I realized the show was gone I felt like my friend had died all over again. I think I had put off accepting his death as long as I had a little memorial of him to hang onto. At first I thought I would be devastated. Yet, after a few more weeks I realized that I remember him joyfully. I am still sad he's gone, but I have accepted that it happened. Somehow putting my grief into something he cared about helped move me forward on that issue. So, that's just an example. It's minor compared to some of the other things I've been through (deaths in the family and more personal issues that I do not feel comfortable sharing in this rather public forum).

I have an overactive brain and when it doesn't have enough to do it seeks out all sorts of notions to churn over. On the one hand, it's good to have the time to process things (like C.'s death) that I put aside when I was too busy. On the other, I just feel like I have way too much free time. I really need a job again . . .

The World Turns

Craig and I finally have a house. Yes, to friends and family, I will send photos as soon as I get myself motivated. Move in will not be until August, most likely.

I do live in an area of Iowa where we have had flooding nearby. I am safe and okay. I live above the flood levels.

Ron Paul has ended his presidential bid. However, there are more things to come. Updates on that later. I will be changing some of my blog to reflect RP dropping from the race.

J'onn J'onz died in a recent DC Comics story arc. I am pretty darn ticked and very sad. Martian Manhunter was/is my all time favorite superhero. They had better bring him back from the dead soon. That's all I have to say. I am now going to put that into a strongly worded letter and mail it to DC Comics.

Hooked On NaNoWriMo

NaNoWriMo starts in a few hours. I am bouncy with anticipation. I do not intend to stay up until midnight and then begin writing. That's just not how I work. Instead I will get up in the morning and write and write and write. NaNoWriMo is such a great time of the year. I think I prefer it to hunting season when I was a kid. I do not hunt anymore, I do not like killing animals. It's just a matter of personal preference. I will eat them, but I will not kill them. In a way, NaNoWriMo has replaced my need for something fun and solitary yet not solitary to do during the month of November. That sentence could use a nice overhaul, so let me explain. When hunting one tries to find a place alone, however, when the sun rises above the trees one can always see glimpses of orange not too far away. Those are the other hunters who are also trying to find a place alone. As the day wears on you will hear gunshots from all around you. Sometimes it's like a war zone or something. Eventually you will return home to get on the phone with your neighbors and ask who got a deer and then your relatives call.

NaNo is similar, it just takes longer to get your novel written and -- in my case at least -- you are more assured of winning. I write alone, but there are hundreds of thousands of people all over the world writing at the same time. They can talk to me and I can talk to them via the forums at the NaNoWriMo website. I am not afraid to write a book the same way that I am afraid to shoot an animal. I think I liked hunting best because I could just sit there outside in the quiet. If I saw a deer I did not actually have to kill it. I could just tell everyone that it was an impossible shot. Of course, that never happened, but it was an idea that crossed my mind. Not so in NaNo. I never even think of losing, let alone doing it on purpose! I would not do NaNo if I was not absolutely certain I could win.

This year I have decided to dedicate this month of writing to my friend C. who passed away a couple weeks ago. I worked with him back in Indiana and I am pained at his passing. He was also a writer, not published and he liked sci-fi. It's a very sad story. Of the friends I made back in Indiana he was not the closest, but he was one of the few at my workplace who got to know me when I was just a temp instead of waiting for me to be a permanent employee. Most people do not talk to the temps because we do not stick around. So that meant a lot to me. I never took the time to tell him that. I was unable to be there at his memorial, in fact, I did not find out about his death until after his funeral. So, I am going to give him my own memorial by basing a character off of him. It's the least I can do.

I guess I better get to work on my last few plot notes and character sketches. The big day is tomorrow! Wish me luck!

Larger Than Life: A Tribute

I interrupt my regularly scheduled award post in order to say something else. Something more important is on my mind right now.

Sad news came my way yesterday. My cousin B. passed away. He had non-Hodgekins lymphoma. He fought it for about two years if memory serves me. Now he's gone. And I never got to say goodbye to him. But that's not the point. He was survived by his wife and two children. I hope you will offer a prayer for their comfort, I know I will.

My cousin was the one person I have ever known whom I believed to be invincible. I figured I would go before he did. He was the type of person who walks into a room and everyone is automatically drawn to him. Even if they did not know him. That's just who he was. He did not try to be the center of attention or anything. But he was so steady, caring and funny that you could not help but like him and gravitate toward his conversation. The best, the only way to describe B was that he was larger than life. He stood out from the crowd for all the right reasons.

My cousin was a cop and a youth pastor. I know, those two jobs go together, hand in glove. Um, yeah. He was always very good with kids. Kids of all ages. He could make them comfortable and have fun with them. In his thirties he still did not seem awkward around kids. It was like he was a kid. He just fit right in with kids. I mean, some people when they get to their thirties they have that kiddie voice. You remember that voice. It was like they thought kids were too stupid to realize it was a kiddie voice. B never did that. Never. He was just himself. He would laugh and make a joke and his jokes were always funny. He did not try to be cool around kids, because kids just knew he was cool being himself.

B was a role model. When I grow up I want to be just like him. He put his beliefs and ideals before everything. He told the gospel wherever he went. I remember his wedding very clearly. The ceremony lasted for two agonizing hours because he could not stop telling the gospel. It was not the best experience of my life, but I will always remember it with a laugh now. He had a real heart for evangelizing. At the same time he was not annoying about it. You wanted to listen to him tell the gospel. More than that, you wanted to go to the heaven that he has already gone to.

I will miss you B. More than anything. I wish I was half the person you were. I am glad you're not in pain anymore.

The News Popped Up This Morning To Reveal . . .

Gerald Ford passed away. I am very sad. I met Mr. Ford once, several years ago. It wasn't a real meeting, I guess. He was riding on a golf cart and his security people would not stop to let him talk to people nearby. He waved at me and made eye contact. I like to consider it a meeting. I also heard him give a very inspirational speech that I have never forgot. He was not the best speaker (better than GWB), but his heart was obviously in the right place. His message was simple and clear. He was a very hopeful person. With his passing a little bit of goodness has gone out of the world. *sniffle*

Crikey! That's Sad!

If any of you haven't heard the news, Steve Irwin the "Crocodile Hunter" is dead. I honestly think it's very tragic that a creature killed him. It is somewhat ironic that sting rays kill almost nobody. This is sad and almost as bizarre as Fidel Castro's death would be. I thought for sure, Steve Irwin would live to a ripe old age and no creature would ever get him. He was crazy and fearless, like one of those people who jumps down volcanoes or runs into hurricanes. Except that he almost got eaten by scary animals or bitten by venomous snakes. As weird as the guy was, I did enjoy watching his show when I got the chance and I'm very sad for his wife and kids.