Searching For Esther

You may have noticed my recent disappearance from the blogging world. I have kept up a bit more on my livejournal. But not much. I ought to receive some sort of corrective treatment for my long absence.

The truth is I haven't much to say. My life has been a whirlwind, mostly revolving around work. I find it is best if I do not talk about work on my very public blog. You know, it pays the bills and that's all anyone need know. I can still afford to have the internet. Enough said.

I have not been writing much. Every once in a while I try to edit, but my editing is not going so well. I have kept the house cleaner than normal. So I'm not a total bum. I've even taken up cooking, more often. I also got some books to read and I study more often for my class.

We all go through these times of low inspiration. Actually, it's not that my inspiration is low, it's more that my inspiration centers around ideas too personal to put on my blog. I try to be more honest on this blog than I once was. But some things are still not meant for cyberspace.

Furthermore, I'm putting more effort into being a leader at my church. That takes up a bit of time. We have an event coming up and I seem to be rather in charge of a few things for it.

That leads me to an actual subject in this useless ramble. I tend to get put in charge of things a lot even though I do not consider myself much of a leader type. I'm fairly confident. But I do not like to be the face of an organization. Once a week I have a short meeting with about 15 therapists at my workplace. Let me tell you it gives me nerves. I have to go in there and talk to a whole bunch of people who analyze other people for a living. Agh. Why couldn't one of my co-workers who's a better talker do that? Well, because it's my job and not anyone else's. It's the same with being in charge of stuff at church. That means I'm the face of the organization and I don't like to be the face. You can see why I never enjoyed acting or singing. Performance oriented stuff is not my thing. I like to be behind the scenes. The idea of doing a more obvious job sounds fun to me, but I do not think I would enjoy myself very much. I am not sure what the point of all this is. Perhaps it will get my creative juices flowing and I will write something real again sometime this week.