This Am I

Taking a different angle on my life than the usual serious note you get on my blog, I have decided to tell you a few stories about myself that may shock. I am not always the cool headed, political analyst you read about on here. So, I will begin with a story from yesterday and go back through the years to reveal a few more incidents in my life that may surprise my noble readers.

1) Craig and I went to the mall on a whim last night. It was already 8:30pm and I was not sure when the mall would close. I was banking on 9pm as we live in that kind of a town. I paused after passing through the door of the mall to scrutinize the hours. Of course, they were on the outside of the door, so I was reading them backwards. I muttered to myself as I did this, "10am to 9pm Monday thru Saturday."

Suddenly Craig said, "Why are you staring at the man?"

I was surprised by this, because I had seen no man at all. As we walked away I asked Craig what he was talking about and he told me I had been staring at a homeless man who was standing right in front of me as I looked at the door. I guess the guy was eating a sandwich and started to look surprised at my concentrated stare. So, yeah, apparently I accidentally ogled some homeless guy with a sandwich. Out there somewhere, is a person who might recognize me the next time he sees me, but I will never know what he looks like. All I saw were the store hours and tell me, how would this guy know I was reading store hours? Who reads store hours backwards through a door?

2) I lived in Washington, D.C. for a while and I worked in one of the House Office Buildings. One day as I was on my way home from work -- keep in mind this was not my first day -- I got on the elevator and pushed the first floor button. When the door opened I got off and started walking. I arrived at the place where the outer entrance should have been, but it was not there. I started wandering around the floor searching for the entrance. I began to panic after 20 minutes or so. I was trapped inside a building, would I ever get out? I noticed the red exit signs and decided to follow them. They took me to the elevator and stairs. Yes, indeed. I had got off on the third floor instead of the first (of a four story building, mind you).

3) Craig, myself and my roommate went to Wal Mart one time near Halloween during my senior year of college. We were just walking into the entrance when I noticed something moving to my right, out of the corner of my eye. My peripheral vision is extremely good, my reaction time is even better. I turned to face a monstrous, dancing, singing skeleton and I screamed for all I was worth. Then I realized it was not real. There was a woman mopping the floor nearby and she just about ended up rolling on the floor with laughter.

So, there you have it. Three stories that illustrate the fact that I am not perfect. Are you disillusioned?