Friday, July 21, 2006

Someday I'll Write A Good Post Again

. . .I promise. Not today, however.

Here I am, it's the end of a rather disappointing week and I am ready to move on to the weekend. This week I have wanted to eat chocolate on a daily basis (somewhat aggravated by the fact that I watched the movie Choculat for the first time ever). I have wanted to eat really good cheese again. I have not slept well. My coffee addiction has grown worse. Nobody has returned paperwork to me in a timely manner. I have been generally fatigued and annoyed. I have come to the realization that I have no close friends in this town other than my husband (not to demean his role or anything, he's a wonderful man). I have just wanted to go to Hawaii all week long. People have been angry with me on several occasions due to their own unwillingness to see reason or attempt to understand what I tried to tell them.

In short, I had a crappy week.

What do I do when I have a crappy week? If you were expecting something inspring, then I'm sorry. I pretty much want to curl up and cry or something of that nature.

Okay, okay. I'll try to be inspiring. It's in my nature. When I have crappy weeks I tend to get very emotional whenever something good happens. For example, driving in this town is a mess and usually, if you let someone go in front of you they do not know what you are doing and just sit there, or they do something totally unexpected that could get them killed. I used to be a polite enough driver, but here, I am the biggest bum, annoying driver you can imagine. I paused on Monday to let someone out of a parking garage in a sticky area with some construction blocking most lanes. The person turned out and waved at me. That made me feel like a human being again. Today, one of the people who work here actually asked me if I needed her to do something to get an authorization. I cannot believe it! That made me feel wonderful. Someone was considerate and wanted to know if I needed help. Focusing on the little, good things often helps me see my day in a better light. You know, you have to push those big annoying things aside and try to see the world on a happier note. That does not always make things completely better, however.

Honestly, I think one of my biggest problems will always be that I take myself too seriously. No matter what I do, I eventually get more self centered than I ought to be. Another problem is that I like people so much. I'm not especially outgoing all the time, but I really just want people to be happy and I want to join in the fun. Having so few friends around puts a damper on that ambition. I also like to have my alone time, and this weekend I really want to stay home and write a lot.

The fact is, however, that I have a hard time remembering that God is providing for and caring for me. When something small and good happens I take it as a reminder that God is good and He is looking out for me. That, in effect, helps me to have a better day than I thought it would be -- a genuine thankfulness for the good details that point to the big picture.

3 comments:

little-cicero said...

I think the solution to your sulfite-allergy-related-depression may lie in finding other foods in which to find pleasure. Speaking for myself, I get more pleasure than you can comprehend from spicy foods- such as pickled jalapeno peppers and Scotch Bonnet Salsa. I don't believe sulfites are found in spicy foods like these. I'm also assuming that your Hispanic roots may give you further tolerance through genetics (that's my only explanation for how Mexicans are able to pop habaneros in their mouth like candy), but mostly, knowing that like chocolate, hot peppers cause the emission of endorphins (also released during sex). So if you replace chocolate with peppers, you might long for them when you can't eat them (as am I at the moment, whilst I suffer with a sore throat), instead of chocolate.

Esther said...

I like spicy foods, but they are not chocolate. I prefer to eat peppers with other things. Those really hot ones do not have much flavor and I don't like that. But in a recipe they're good. Definitely a fan of spicy food! It just doesn't have the texture and flavor of chocolate, which is what I miss, sometimes. Anyways, I only get bummed about chocolate when I'm bummed about something else. Much of the time I think that chocolate or any candy sounds kind of gross. Probably because I know it will make me sick.

little-cicero said...

So sad. If you weren't so far away I'd hand you a tissue. So what you're saying is that it is only when you're unhappy that you think about that which you once loved. I'll remember than when I write a post about happiness.