Friday, November 03, 2006

Making A Fashion Statement

It's time for me to come out of my shell and make a fashion statement. One that the whole world will notice. Well, maybe not the whole world, maybe not even anyone outside my general acquaintances. In reality, I hope that some people in my own community will notice. Every female in the area needs some desperate fashion help. I hope this is not a country wide problem. Oh, you haven't noticed? Hmm. Four words then:

The '80s are back.

I realize that I may have lost a significant portion of my audience to heart attacks and the like after that statement. Sorry, but I'm talking truth here. It must be said. So, here is my fashion statement (this is for the ladies and for the men who care enough to let the ladies know when something bad is happening to them):

1) Leggings/leg warmers/whatever the hell you call them were never, ever, ever cool in your wildest dreams or nightmares. They're still not cool.

3) Opaque tights are for 5 year olds and younger, there is no way around that.

4) Turned up collars are wrong and are also for 5 year olds.

5) Wearing dirty sweat clothes is gross and makes me think you need to take a shower and that you stink.

6) Oversized sweaters with enormous buttons/bows zippers/etc are horrific, simply horrific.

7) Vests were not meant to be worn except for when wearing a tuxedo or suit and then they need to match the suit. Wearing a vest over an old t-shirt is not and never has been cute. If you think it is cute then you should probably be very worried about getting a job because no one is going to hire a 1980s freak.

8) Big hair is morally wrong. You should be ostracized for having big hair.

9) Ruffled blouses ought to be dragged out into the street and run over by a dump truck then buried in a landfill or flushed down the toilet.

10) Skinny pants are not skinny pants. They are tapered leg pants and they have always been ghastly. Do not wear them.

That is my fashion statement. I hope someone listens to me. I hate being on a campus again and getting to see all the sheep who go along with the styles that are supposed to be cool but are actually dreadful. I firmly believe that the '80s have returned because those who lived through the '80s feared to show their embarrassing photographs of their awful clothing to the younger generation. The younger generation does not know better because the older ones failed their duty. It's a sorry state of fashion.


Anonymous said...

Nos. 1 - 7, 9, 10 are fine

Please elaborate on big hair. Just because my brother used all my hair gel and I have major fluffage in the top of the crown department is no reason to insult me!


Esther said...

Big hair is more like the frizzy, poofy hair of the 1980s. It's everwhere and it's all you see when you look at the person who has it.

Mel Chickk said...

Leggings and turned up collars....gag me with a spoon!

My biggest fashion complaint? Large women, (yes, I am one) who dress like they don't know they are large women. I've seen women who wear a size 26, wear styles meant for a size 6. Wrong and gross!

Sorry, didn't mean to jack your post, just putting my .02 in.

Amber said...

Yeah...the 80's have been butting back in for a little while now.

While not ALL 80's things are horrible (I was forced to admit it after finding something I like that come from the 80's) most are scary.

I hate skinny pants. And leggings. And those weird sweater things that open to the waist and hang down to your knees...

For myself, I miss the huge bellbottoms already. The shopping trips where I liked everything I saw are over...It took me four hours today to find a simple turtleneck sweater/top.

Esther said...

I've taken to ordering my clothes out of catalogs (or online). Shipping is a bummer, but at least I don't have to trek all the malls in a 100 mile radius to find what I want.

All the same we should go shopping sometime when we're both not swamped.

Esther said...

Oh yeah, and when we have money.