Not In Control

If you know me well then you know I hate not being in control of my own situation. Of course, probably very few people know that. I generally hide that fact. It's a fear thing. How many of us run around proclaiming our fears to others? Ha, just me and I know it's probably a bad idea.

So, today I was driving to work. I was watching far ahead of myself and traveling toward a green light. I suddenly realized the car in front of me had stopped. I braked. I stopped in plenty of time with almost a whole car length between me and the stopped vehicle. I am not a tailgater. Woot for defensive driving tactics. Anyway, I thought it was strange that so many cars were lined up behind a green light not moving. I checked my mirror and saw that the car behind me had managed to stop as well. I thanked my lucky stars. Suddenly I heard a crunching sound behind me. My car was still, but the crunching sounded loud. I looked in my mirror again and saw that three cars back some idiot had not been able to stop in time. He rear-ended the next car which rear-ended the car behind me. Which was coming straight at me. I quickly moved forward to give the guy room. Lucky again. I didn't get hit. Traffic started moving. I thought about stopping even though I was one minute late to work. I saw a cop pulling over to the accident. Plus all three cars were pulling onto the side of the road to get out of the way of traffic. I guess nobody could have been too hurt.

It was weird. I've been very shook up all day. It just reminded me of how little control I have over people around me. My reflexes are good. But I always think there will come a time when they won't be good enough. Or maybe, when I'll be the car right in front of the idiot who couldn't stop. I have always been able to avoid car accidents -- lessened the impact of the one I was actually in by acting quickly. What will I do when I can't stop something like that from happening? Knowing me I will replay it in my head until I become OCD about the fact that I couldn't do anything to prevent it. I'm like Superman or something . . .