Spring Is Here

Every season change brings something new. For me that usually means a sinus infection, a cold, or bronchitis. I think it's just a nasty head-cold this time around. I was thinking today that had it not been spring break I might have had to miss class a few times this week. Lucky for me it is spring break and I can just go ahead and sleep in. And totally waste my spring break week on stuff that isn't fun at all.

The real question, of course, is: am I back to blogging? I don't know for sure. As usual I have many ideas on stuff to blog about. My running commentary on life has little to no outlet without the blog. It's kind of upsetting actually. I miss the therapeutic aspect of typing away my thoughts into an angry or comic rant. Whichever fits my mood.

I think that part of the reason I don't blog much anymore is that constrictive feeling of knowing that so many people I am personally acquainted with will read my writing. Not to say I mind that. I kinda like it that people I know think my stuff is worth reading. On the other hand, I do have to temper it a little. However, there is this thought that I would probably temper my writing even if people I know didn't read it. The fact is, someone I know will likely come across my words and I would not wish to be unkind.

What's the big deal about anonymous blogging anyway? Why is it so frightening for people who know us to know what we are thinking? Yes, it's easier to be honest when you're talking to faceless names on a computer -- who have no nonverbal communication to boot. But is that right? Or is this one of those things that goes beyond right and wrong and is defined more by personal preference, attitude, and ability to assert one's real personality?

You tell me. If you've a mind.

Too Much Time

Lately I have discovered I have a problem. It's called free time. I listen to other people talk about free time and how they don't have enough of it and they always want more of it. I just can't identify with that mindset. I have way too much free time. Growing up my Aunt P. would have "found" me "something to do" if I had complained of being bored. She was not a fan of the word "bored" or any form it can take. That was one of those quirks that I loved her for. However, the problem is not that I am bored or that I do not have enough to do. I cook, I clean, I job hunt. I hope against hope that I will be able to afford classes this semester.

No, the real problem is that I think too much. My brain cannot stop ruminating. It can get intense. The longer I have no intellectual pursuits the worse it becomes. This is certainly not that I condemn thinking or being an intellectual. Just that when I spend too much time alone with no intellectual pursuits I begin to lose some of my logic and rationality. It makes it more difficult for me to write (blog). I won't use the word crazy, but sometimes I feel like climbing walls. I simply cannot be tied down for any reason. Left to my own devices I need something to keep my mind occupied. I often fall into the realm of the past.

I will go over and over the same memories scouring them for more information. This is both helpful and not helpful. I have managed to accept a few of the tragedies that occurred during my lifetime. For example, the death of my friend C. whom I used to work with when my husband and I lived in Indiana. For a long time I could not face the fact that C. was gone. One of his favorite shows was My Name Is Earl. I have watched that show religiously for the past two years. It got canceled at the end of last season. When I realized the show was gone I felt like my friend had died all over again. I think I had put off accepting his death as long as I had a little memorial of him to hang onto. At first I thought I would be devastated. Yet, after a few more weeks I realized that I remember him joyfully. I am still sad he's gone, but I have accepted that it happened. Somehow putting my grief into something he cared about helped move me forward on that issue. So, that's just an example. It's minor compared to some of the other things I've been through (deaths in the family and more personal issues that I do not feel comfortable sharing in this rather public forum).

I have an overactive brain and when it doesn't have enough to do it seeks out all sorts of notions to churn over. On the one hand, it's good to have the time to process things (like C.'s death) that I put aside when I was too busy. On the other, I just feel like I have way too much free time. I really need a job again . . .

Days Of My Lives

1) I watched Wolverine about a week after it came into theaters. There is one good thing about this movie and it's really more for chicks than for guys. Hugh Jackman makes an awesome action hero. Too bad his lines and character totally sucked. Actually, most of the movie sucked. The storyline was roughly nonexistant, characters who should have died came back to life, Wolverine angsted his life away over mistakes he did not actually make, and a few random characters had a few lines each. Not to mention Wolverine was a complete moron. He seemed incapable of anticipating his brother (Victor). From the start Victor was insanely jealous, unstable, and ruthless. Wolverine persisted in believing he was a decent guy all the way to the end of the movie. It was dumb. I could not suspend my unbelief while watching the movie.

2) Star Trek was perfect. The cast did a wonderful job portraying the beloved characters from the original series. They had all the mannerisms and personalities down to a t. The plot was exciting and the action kept me on the very edge of my seat. I was happy to see that Hollywood can still make a good epic type action movie once in a while. I also enjoyed some of the additions to characters. For example, the relationship between Spock and Uhura was a great touch. I also enjoyed the fact that Chekov was more than just a side character. Dr. McCoy was great. He may in fact have been the most well cast character in the entire movie. I only wish he had been in a few more scenes. I definitely loved the part where he gets Kirk onto the Enterprise. It was classic. I cannot recommend this movie enough to fan and Star Trek ignoramous alike.

3) I did okay on my finals. I got an A in the class that I thought I would get an A in. In my other class I passed. I will need to take some more preliminary math courses before I go on to Calculus, but I got a higher grade then I expected. I would like to know for sure that I understand what's going on when I get to Calc, however.

4) I have an algebra course to take this summer and wedding to be a part of. It should be a good summer. I am planning to do a lot of work on my yard and garden areas. Landscaping, you know. It seems kind of mundane and domestic, but I am excited to have a pretty yard. I have never had a yard of my own before.

5) There are loud people in my house playing Risk right now. I wanted to hang out with a friend or two this evening, but everyone is busy. It is kind of impossible for me to see friends lately and it's getting totally frustrating. I suppose that's life, but I keep trying and trying and getting nos for answers. It's old. That's all I have to say. Maybe I should stop being so nice or something.

6) I am doing some writing in my spare time. It's okay. Not going along as well as I hoped, but any work is good.

Finding Myself

As usual I have many ideas to write about and no time to write them. In fact, right now I should be studying. My finals are next week. However, before finals I have a chapter exam in each class. That means I have four exams in the next two weeks, three of them are in one week. I remember a time when this would have seemed like a drop in the bucket to me. But things have changed. I have a life now. Going back to school is quite a challenge. Still, it's what I want and I want to excel. Or, at least, I want to get a C. My pre-calc course is tough, but I think I'm going to pass. As for my other class, it's kind of a breeze. I have hardly felt challenged at all by it and have spent most class periods enjoying the discussion among the other students. God bless them, but they are not like the kids I knew during my first undergrad. Community Colleges just don't bring in the super intellectuals. Which is okay. I should learn to co-exist with average, typical people.

I ramble.

As I was saying, I am here amid piles of homework and other nonsense. I have picked up an old hobby I used to enjoy. Namely, I find myself baking many, well, baked goods. I perfected a gluten free scones recipe. I have finally made a good gluten free pie crust. I made some cookies too. And yes, I have gained a few pounds. I am also a happier person. There are many reasons I dropped my baking hobby over the last ten years or so. One of them was the difficulty involved in gluten free cooking and baking. Lately my interest in making gluten free baked goods that taste good and have good texture has grown. If I did not want to be a Physician Assistant and if I was totally crazy I'd try selling bake goods to coffee shops. But, like, I'm afraid that people would like them too much and I wouldn't have time for anything else. I want to finish my education (again).

Let me just say that in two weeks I will have some breathing time. I hope to post on several subjects of interest. I knew school would interfere with my time and blogging desire. Bear with me. In the meantime, The House Between is a great independent web tv series I have enjoyed. You have to download Veoh tv to watch it, but it's worth the effort. I expect The House Between will find it's way into my links list on the sidebar (which needs updating) as soon as I get a chance to do some blog maintenance.

Out Of Touch

I found this article about the media's response to religion to be enlightening and interesting. Perhaps that's because it is a more moderate view than the one often taken by evangelicals. The writer does not argue that the media hates God and religion. Rather, he argues that the media fails to understand the influence of religion in our society and dismisses it because they believe religion is quaint. It just got me thinking.

Such A Long Time

This post is just an update with more intellectual stuff to follow (seriously).

1. I had a job interview a few days ago and it went well. For me, that's spectacular.

2. I did win NaNoWriMo with 60k words and counting. I plan to finish the draft.

3. I had a wonderful Thanksgiving visiting friends down south a ways.

4. Christmas is going to be a Grinch this year for me and mine. I only hope I can get gifts out to friends and family in January.

5. I continue looking for a job with a lot more focus than I have ever had before.

6. Happy Thanksgiving a little late.

7. It looks like I'll be taking a couple tough classes come January. I'm kind of excited to be moving on with that.

8. I was on CNN. Too cool.

9. Here an Obama, there an Obama, everywhere an Obama. Obama.

10. Why don't people remember Ebenezer Scrooge for his generosity after he redeemed himself?

In Theaters Near You

I decided to post my inflammatory thoughts on the movie Twilight since I went to see it yesterday. I had no good reason to see this movie. I have not read the book . . . However, I am a fan of Buffy and Angel and other things of the vampiric fiction genre. Somewhat.

First, if you think Twilight is going to be anything like standard vampire fiction prepare to be disappointed. There is no garlic, holy water, stakes or coffins. In fact, it attempts to mock those ideas. I say attempts because while it did get many titters from the giggle squad (i.e. vast host of teenage girls), it was actually pretty lame in the jokes arena. Sometimes I think the giggle squad were laughing at things the rest of us did not notice. Not to criticize them. I was once a teenage girl and had impossible crushes -- Mr. Darcy -- and a need to giggle. Come to think of it, I only chuckled. Giggling is impossible for a female tenor unless I try to giggle in a falsetto. Back to the subject now. To add to the attempt to turn vampire fiction on its head our vampire -- Edward -- has shiny skin when he's in the sun. He calls himself a vegetarian because he only drinks blood from animals. Don't think too hard about that one. That's about as much background info as I can stomach to write.

Things I did not like about the movie were these:

-All of the characters were flat and impossible to know.
-It seemed the theme was a praise of obsessive love or obsession, yet the villain of the story also carried an obsession for the object of Edward's desire (Bella). Confusing? Methinks so.
-The conversations were interminable. I mean, interminable. If you look up interminable in a dictionary you will see a picture of Edward and Bella talking. Yawner.
-It m o v e d a s s l o w a s m o l a s s e s i n J a n u a r y.
-Cliche after cliche after cliche after cliche. I cannot begin to name all of the cliches.
-It was very predictable.
-Big, gaping plot holes. For example, Edward tells Bella that he can read minds, except for hers. He never explains why or even theorizes on that subject (despite the interminable conversations). Also, Edward tells Bella that he has been waiting for her for many years. The wtf of this moment is never clarified.

Things I did like:

-The soundtrack was beautiful and kept the movie flowing.
-The cinematography was gorgeous.
-The landscapes were beautiful.
-Damn good special effects for not being, well, special effects. They did not use any CG.
-It turned some of the vampire cliches on their heads in a humorous manner (by using other fantasy cliches unfortunately).
-It was enjoyable to watch but not intellectual enough for me.

In short, it's up to you if you want to see it. I am no fangirl, but I did not hate it.

Ways To Save #1

I have decided to start a new series. I call it "Ways To Save." You know all about the poor economy right now. This is one of my small contributions to people who need to find ways to help with budgeting in these down times. So, here goes my first post.

You can save money if you do not buy vitamins. Read this. The neurologist writing makes the clear point that a healthy diet is all you need. Supplements do not do anything (except in specific cases which he describes) for the most part. Supplements are also freaking expensive. My recommendation: avoid them.

Note: Calcium is not mentioned in the article or the studies described and as far as I know it's a good idea to take calcium supplements if you're unable to have dairy (like me).

The Vote Is In

I voted this morning. It is my right to keep a secret of who I voted for. So, I will.

I have taken the tact of sitting back and watching this election. I still cannot predict the outcome and I am not going to try. It has been fun and somewhat depressing. Rest assured, this is a great country and we will get through no matter who our prez happens to be.

As for me and mine, well, let's just say the man in the White House does not decide whether I enjoy my life or not. So, I'm gonna go out there be happy and try something fun today.

What The Halloween?

I learned recently that Iowan children do not go Trick or Treating on Halloween. No, they go crawling all over lawns begging for candy and telling dumb jokes the night before Halloween. Here we have an absolutely perfect week weatherwise and Halloween is on a Friday evening. Not even a school night. What more could you ask for?

I don't know. I'd like to ask the little beggars to stay away from my house while I'm trying to watch my Smallville. This season is a gem so far. A gem. But no, I'll have my tv on and I'll be handing out candy to small children with sticky fingers. Plus this is the flu season. Maybe I should dress up as a mad scientist and wear rubber gloves.

The other odd Iowan tradition is that children tell jokes instead of saying, "Trick or treat!" I thought this sounded like tons of fun. Until I found out that Iowans hand out candy the night before Halloween -- a Thursday this year. Now, I'm not cruel enough to shutter my windows and sit in the dark house all evening. Especially since I risk getting my house egged or saran-wrapped before morning . . . I'll give out the candy. No problemo. I think I'll take a page from my buddy Tracy's book, however. In short, I could give bad candy for the stupid jokes and good candy for the funny jokes.

I'll be going to the store tomorrow morning to get the candy. I guess I'll decide what to do for sure at that time.

Check In, Check Out

I forgot to write about the third presidential debate. It was fun and funny. I'm still not voting for either of those guys though. It didn't change my mind one bit -- if you take into consideration that I have yet to make up my mind about the presidential election.

In the spirit of healthy political humor I would like you to check out this youtube re-cut of the first debate. Enjoy.

Me, At A Party, Sort Of

So, I've told you how I drive my car in the snow. I am darn good at that. I know all the tricks of the trade. For example, shift into neutral if you're trying to stop and you start to slide ominously close to the rear end of the car in front of you. The wheels will stop turning and believe it or not you will stop. Note: this trick does not always work with 100% success; once I had to shift into neutral and steer into a snowbank on the curb to avoid rearending someone. Not to digress. Okay, wait for it . . . I have never told you about how I am at a party.

I don't really go to parties. That's probably the main reason I don't talk about going to parties. Did you know that in my entire college career I never attended a party? Did you further know that I have never been intoxicated from alcohol use? Did you further know that one of my friends used to tell me I had obviously escaped from a nursing home and had some really good plastic surgery done to make myself look younger? Okay, so, one of those lines is only half true, but I'm not going to tell you which one. Suffice it to say if you ever find me at a party I will have to put the blame on quantum tunneling. I would never knowingly go into a situation like that.

So, I was going to say, since I am a social oddity I don't do too well at large events with lots of people. Recently, I attended a church picnic with my husband. It was fun until I decided to tell a joke. Our new vicar from church was leading a short devotional to close the evening's festivities. He asked a simple question: "What is the meaning of life?" I responded by shouting -- twice, because nobody got it the first time -- "42!" Of course, nobody got it the second time either. Then one person started laughing and confirmed that no, Esther is not crazy, she's just the queen of obscure references.

Boy, I felt stupid. Yeah, I'm here all week. I don't even need alcohol to make jokes like that.

Now I Get It Part 2

I would like to finish my thought from the previous post. I watched the first two seasons of Buffy the Vampire Slayer on Hulu.com. At first I thought it was cheesy because it had the typical good vs. evil fantasy element going on. There was the Chosen One: Buffy. She had her mortal and completely evil enemy: the Master and company. All the vampires wanted nothing more than to destroy humanity so they could have their "old earth" back. Every few episodes we got what I like to call a "monster of the week." In short, some random character who would likely never show up again came into the show to kill off a few people and then get slaughtered by Buffy. It was always the same. You knew who the bad character was within the first ten minutes of the show. Believe me, I am good at sniffing these things out. The excellent horror elements and cinematography kept me watching through most of the first season.

Then I saw the episode entitled "The Puppet Show." I thought it was a monster of the week episode and it was obvious who the bad guy was: the live puppet. Like, duh. Lo and behold, Joss Whedon surprised me. The puppet character was a good guy. I won't give anymore info away, but that episode kept me watching into the second season. At that point the characters began to develop. The Buffy and Angel relationship became extremely interesting. Then Spike (played by James Marsters) showed up. And here, for once, was a vampire who didn't want to destroy humanity. Finally, I saw Joss Whedon's brilliance come to fruition.

You see, despite some of the cliche, Whedon does manage to make likable, intricate characters. Their dilemmas are not just melodrama. It may take a while to see that (e.g. Buffy's feelings about not wanting to be the Chosen One). But the complexity does show up and when it does it is worth the wait. The humor was a bit forced in the first season, but in the second it makes me laugh at almost every joke. The show can be so irreverent. I love it. At first I said I would never buy any Buffy. Now, I might. I would also like to watch Joss Whedon's Angel. And, frankly, I have a better appreciation for Firefly and Serenity. At the same time, those last two pieces of Whedon's creativity needed more time for development. Great concept, not enough time to discover anything more than the intrigue of the ideas.

I like substance in story telling. I would say Joss Whedon has that. It just takes him a little time to get comfortable with his creations. That's why Firefly got cancelled. That and it should have been aired on the sci-fi channel not Fox.

Now I Get It Part 1

I have often wondered why so many people adore everything in television or cinema which Joss Whedon had anything to do with. Many of my friends and acquaintances were big Buffy and Angel fans back in the day. They probably still are. Then there is Firefly and Serenity. People attend conventions dedicated solely to the Firefly universe. Yeah, I enjoyed the series when I watched it. It had excellent characters and concepts. It was intriguing and scary. But, you know, I can only watch the same 14 episodes so many times before I have to put them on hold for a while. The problem with Firefly is that it didn't pick up. It's a cult classic. I repeat, cult classic.

Up until recently Firefly and Serenity were my complete exposure to the mind of Joss Whedon. I saw two episodes of Buffy when I was a sophmore in college. They were from the first season and I didn't care for it that much. Recently a friend of mine mentioned Hulu.com as a good place to watch tv for free. I'm a sucker for cheap tv and movies -- no money spent on cable or direct tv here. I watched Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog on the site. It is amazingly well written and surprisingly poignant for a comedy short. Intrigued I decided to check out some Buffy. I pushed through the first few episodes which were mildly entertaining. You know, that show really picked up in the second season. I find myself caught up in it. I might have to rent or buy more seasons (only two are on Hulu).

I always try to avoid going in for fads. Hence, I waited until J.K. Rowling had written the 6th Harry Potter book before I read any of them. Of course, I didn't like them, so I turned out to be correct about that fad -- I think. With Joss Whedon's stuff I might have been wrong to ignore the fad. I enjoy a good story and he is a good storyteller.

Still, the discovery of a good story -- even one that's been around a while -- is never lost on me. I see my opportunity and I am taking it.

Face To Face

Today I would like to take some time to mock the internet. Yes, that's me. I utilize the world wide web for information gathering, email, and blogging. I even made a friend online. Now I'm gonna sit here and diss part of my world. I see the irony and I know how easy it is to pick on technology. However, there are certain things for which the internet is a poor substute: i.e. friendship.

I have moved three times in the past 3 years. Albeit the third move was five miles away from the place I lived after the second move. It still requires new habits. For example, I don't get to go to the laundromat anymore with my overloaded bags of dirty clothes. I started chatting with one girl who worked there. I mean, we weren't friends or anything, but she was pleasant and interesting. I enjoyed getting to say a few words. I enjoyed going to get my coffee while she kept half an eye on my stuff. Now I do laundry at home alone. It's convenient. Plus my washer and dryer work much better than their coin-operated counterparts. Yet it feels like I am missing something. I am missing face to face contact. The grocery store is the same story. I decided to do my shopping at the store where I used to go. It's only five miles. Sometimes the managers will open up another check-out lane just for me. The guy at the meat counter always knows what I am going to get before I ask. No, I don't have deep conversations. Yes, I do get treated like some kind of VIP and I have an excuse for human contact.

I am not a total loser. Sorry to burst your bubble. I do make friends rather easily despite my shyness. I enjoy the company of almost everyone I meet. Even the people I dislike I can learn to accept. My nature is to find the good in people. People are interesting and unique. They are fun to watch and even more fun to interact with -- I sound like an a.i. or something . . .

The online community can be a lot of fun too. I get a kick out of reading humorous blogs. I read a lot of news and editorials. I like to read comment threads in people's blog posts and watch the back and forth. Still, something is missing. I find myself wondering, what do these people look like? What facial expression might this blog author have had when he or she wrote that post? Wouldn't it be more entertaining to have an entire conversation with somebody or several somebodies? I know there is a lot to the virtual world. Blogging alone can include video, audio or written word. Then there are webcams and those are very useful if a loved one is far away.

All these innovations still miss the face to face discussion. The enjoyment of being in the presence of a friend cannot exist in the virtual medium. Internet just can't take the place of real people and real places. Furthermore, I do better with my blogging when I am having real experiences and hanging with my real friends -- no offense to you computer people -- then when I am isolated and get most of my daily interactions reading stuff online. So, I guess this was my long-winded way of telling you all to quit reading my blather and go make a friend.

My First

Craig and I are in our new house. I have already got used to it. I feel like I'm home. Finally. To stay. I don't want to move away from this town. I know we will outgrow this beautiful house someday. It is the perfect first home. Perfect. It has two bedrooms of decent size, one and a half bathrooms, a very large living room, a formal dining room, and the friendliest kitchen you can imagine. Everyone who has come into this place has seen its potential. It's just adorable.

The move was interesting. We didn't get a moving truck because a) we didn't have much furniture to move and b) we had to move in the evenings after Craig got off work. Many of our friends in the area came and helped us move stuff into the house. I didn't realize how many friends I had until we found ourselves in a bit of a pinch here. They just came out of the woodwork to help. We got out of our nasty, centipede apartment with the moronic, upstairs neighbors a little over a week ago. I feel so free.

There were few mishaps despite the abnormal nature of the move itself. One of the mishaps included the loss of about 65% of our fine china. The good news is it's a replaceable pattern and you can find good deals on it online.

I spent our first few days in the house catching up on my sleep. That is, after several of my family members stopped by and after we drove to Kansas and back for a wedding. Busy, busy, busy. I am finally breathing a sigh of relief and getting back to the job hunt. Oh, didn't you know? I quit my job. It was a good idea. I am going to find a job that will lead me on my chosen career path. Not quite sure what that is yet, but I have some ideas.

Today we made our first furniture purchase for the house. A desk chair. This is not just any desk chair. It's all leather and it has a high back and it swivels and it can be raised and lowered. It's cool. I got it for super cheap at a consignment shop. A consignment shop that is pretty, darn close to my new house. I love this town. Oh yeah.

MIA

I am moving to my new house. I have the keys. Yes, that is way cool.

However, I am also rather quiet on the blog front as consequence of the move. I will write when I can. And if I live through this. I am so tired.

Back to work now.

Will The Real Joker Please Stand Up

I take it back. A while ago I was horrified that Heath Ledger was going to play the Joker in the new Batman flick. You see, I am a purist. I expect an exceptional person to play the Joker. His character is the most complex and well done villain in comics -- my personal opinion. I worry that an unworthy actor would make a mess out of the character. Let me list some actors who I think would do a bad job as the Joker: Johnny Depp, Anthony Hopkins (even when he was young), Ben Kingsley, and Daniel Day-Lewis. Essentially, I didn't think anyone could play the Joker and do him justice.

Boy, was I wrong. I am always willing to admit when I discover that I am wrong. First, of course, I have to discover that I'm wrong, then I'll admit. Heath Ledger (RIP) made the best Joker ever set to film. I eat my words now. The Joker he played was very much as I would think he would be if he were a real person. He lies constantly, his ideas are bizarre, grotesque, crazy and random. He is the extreme of Batman's madness and the perfect enemy for the Dark Knight. He is a force of nature -- a stroke of genius. As a comics partial geek I was impressed.

It's nice to have a film director take Batman seriously for a change. That's what Christopher Nolan has done in these two movies. I am sad that he will have to recast the Joker for the next movie. He may not find someone who can play the part so well as Ledger did. On the other hand, I hope he does put the Joker in the next movie. The Joker is as necessary to Batman as the cape and the batarangs. The Dark Knight is truly the best in the franchise so far. They didn't eliminate the Joker nor go into a lengthy origin story for him. I think it was a wise move and I've got my eye out for what Nolan will do next. If he destroys the Penguin like that idiot Tim Burton (I consider Batman Returns to be Burton's greatest cinematic error) I'm gonna have a few choice words for him. . .

Anyways. Go see the movie. It's worth it.

What Does This Mean?

As I kid I was taught that I have a destiny and I am going to fulfill that someday. It's a rather simplistic notion as I look back upon it. I never questioned the idea. Frankly, I doubt a lot of kids would question such a notion. You lean on adults to tell you how the world is. If they tell you the world is what it is not, well, who are you to know the difference? The more I think about it, however, the more I believe the destiny doctrine -- I coin the phrase -- is both naive and destructive. It places an expectation in a person that one should wait for the appropriate moment to react to a particular event. An event that you will somehow recognize because God is going to shoot down a light from heaven to let you know about it. Or something like that. Not that God cannot come and get you if you walk away from your calling. I am not contradicting that idea. There are far too many biblical examples for me to knock down the fact that God does call people to specific purposes.

However, not everybody gets a burning bush. You might notice that the people who get those moments are the most reactive rather than proactive people in the whole Bible. I mean, look at Moses. He tried to help his brethren, ended up committing murder, tried to cover it up, and ran off into the desert to hide from it. He had no plans to return and rescue his people. How do you get through to someone who reacts to his calling with fear? Burn a bush and yell at him. Sounds good to me.

On the other hand, consider Jesus's parable of the talents. Nowhere does it say the master explained in excruciating detail what each servant should do with his money. It just says he gave them the money and went on a journey. He expected them to use the money to produce more money. Maybe the idea of an explicit destiny is incorrect. A calling is different from an absolute destiny. A calling allows for free will. Destiny doctrine is fatalistic. It even suggests you cannot accomplish your work until you receive that explicit voice of God. It does not take into account that things change as you live your life. If you go along waiting for that epiphany I doubt it will ever come. You have to make a decision to follow a dream. You have to develop yourself and continue to make positive changes. You cannot hide away expecting your opportunities to walk up to you and ask if you are ready to join the game. Destiny doctrine is a rigid teaching that I have heard at many evangelical churches. I think it's a human response to a human idea. We want to believe that our lives have a purpose. Yes, they do. But it's okay to make that purpose happen.

In the end I am talking about myself here. I have taken a circuitous route to reach the place where I am. The truth is, I will never have a fulfilled life until I make the decision to pursue the interests that I really enjoy. I will never be content until I give up the idea that somewhere out there my fate is waiting to grab me by the throat and pull me into the right path. Frankly, I need to remind myself that proactive is better than reactive. One might say, proactive is the new reactive -- for me, at least.

Return To Daily Grind

So, my husband and I took a vacation this week. I was away from internet access for 6 days give or take a few hours. Pretty cool. We had a wonderful time. Now I'm back. So, I'm off to unpack stuff. Have a good evening.