Out Of Touch

I found this article about the media's response to religion to be enlightening and interesting. Perhaps that's because it is a more moderate view than the one often taken by evangelicals. The writer does not argue that the media hates God and religion. Rather, he argues that the media fails to understand the influence of religion in our society and dismisses it because they believe religion is quaint. It just got me thinking.

Every Hill

You may have heard the phrase, "Some hills are not worth dying on." Maybe you haven't. Maybe somebody I know made it up. Either way, it's a good phrase -- unless you happen to find a hill worth dying on. For clarification's sake, you could also say that some things are not worth fighting for, or you should pick your battles. Or you could just say "Give up and lie down in the dust like a dog because you're not going to get anywhere with this one, okay." Some BS isn't worth hiding behind.

No, I'm not writing this to sound resentful and angry. Frankly, I am not angry. I am thoughtful. I spent the last year and a half holding onto a dream, a principle. For the first time in my political life I fought the losing battle in full knowledge of what I was doing. Most of the time I don't think other people understand that. That would explain why they tell me I will never win no matter how much I do. That would explain why they say that some hills aren't worth dying on or I should pick my battles. That would explain the shakes of their heads. It's not that I go around spouting off about my political beliefs all the time. It's rather that I have some misunderstood beliefs -- I almost said unpopular, but that's not true.

Let me tell you a story. In the winter of 2004 I interned at a congressional office in Washington, D.C. The man I worked for was one of the few true fiscal conservatives to get into office in 1994 and not change into a big spender. He really cared about the issue of spending cuts and smaller government. There was one issue in particular that he wanted to cut so as to reduce the budget. It was a pretty unpopular stance, but he took his stand. I was given the job of getting the word out to the press. This is not a glamorous job in case you were wondering. I spent hours proofreading press releases and painstakingly faxing them to all sorts of publications in the hope that some reporter would write an article about the issue. It worked. We actually did drum up more discussion of the issue than my congressman had in previous years -- so the legislative assistants told me.

The day of the vote arrived and the congressman I worked for was on the floor of the House debating all day. You would not believe the phone calls I had to listen to when all his constituents decided to watch C-Span at once because they had nothing better to do. I tried to watch some of the debates but missed them somewhere between talking with the old lady who just wanted to talk about decency on television (she heard the f-word at midnight) and the old guy from Alabama who claimed the CIA was populated by commies who were putting cameras in walls to watch us (as if we do anything of that much interest to a government agency). Anyway, the congressman was brilliant.

At the end of the day he came back from the vote and I asked him how it went. He told me the numbers. To my surprise his initiative lost big time. I mean, it was a huge vote against it. I was stunned. All those hours I had put in trying to get support and it was over without any fanfare and without even a decent vote in its favor. Everything I had done was for nothing. And I had never suspected for a moment that my congressman was going to lose.

After he went back to his office (busy, busy man) I asked one of the other staffers why the vote in our favor had been so low. "It's higher than it was in any previous year," she said. "We never expected to win this one, but we make it an issue every year. Maybe someday people will get the message."

That's when I learned the most valuable lesson I learned over that long semester in D.C. Sometimes you have to fight the losing battle and show your face to all the world as if you know you're winning. Why be bummed out and down about something that you care about? When you know you're right you should be happy about that. And when you show others that you are going to fight the good fight no matter the condescension around you then they can think of nothing more to do than shake their heads as if you're an idiot. But they will never feel the satisfaction that comes with knowing yourself to have done everything you could for a cause that was well worth losing to advance. Some things are bigger than a full ballot box. I'll take my stand on that hill.

One Small Step

I have decided to embrace the fact that I am an intellectual and not an academic (I'll define the differences between those words in a later post). No more time spent wondering why my grades didn't add up to my intelligence. It is time to stop wishing I was like everyone else (everyone "normal"). The time has come to face one of the ways in which I define myself.

If you have kept up with me at all then you have probably noticed the number of posts lately that suggest I am searching for something. Seeking is my theme of late. I have spent the last several months on a journey to understand my direction in life. It would have been nice to have discerned my place in the world a long time ago. However, I was not raised in a way that helped me come to terms with my talents and potential. For example, I mentioned I am an intellectual. There are many circles where it is not a good thing to be an intellectual. One of them often happens to be Protestant Christianity in the Midwestern United States. The herd mentality infiltrates all parts of society. In evangelical Christianity it encourages a certain reliance on experience rather than rational thought. Unless you're a Calvinist, that is. Then it encourages an arrogance about why no one else can understand how deep you are.

I was raised in a Reformed (i.e. Calvinist) church for a time then moved on to a less intellectual place. I was taught to disagree with Calvinists. Believe me, I have argued with the best of them from a very tender age. Anymore I just won't talk about the Calvinist idea of "predestination." Yet it shaped so much of my understanding of faith. You see I was taught to consider the intellectual Christians to be wrong and theology to be unnecessary. I learned to feel disgust toward those who consider or question the Bible's teachings in a non-dogmatic manner. You're just not supposed to do that as an evangelical -- it is shameful. Instead you just go out there, tell your story, knock on your doors, leave your tracts in restrooms, and get offended. When someone asks you to defend your faith you say, "But I found God in this way . . ."

Well, that's not good enough for some of us. Especially those of us who notice other possible reasons for quote unquote religious experiences. What if all that laughing and falling down were a psychologically induced response and not caused by the Holy Spirit? I know. I blaspheme. People always tell me not to "limit" God when I say things like this. I ask you, why doesn't it limit God to assume that you will always have an emotional high when you worship him? What about the days when he just feels far away? Am I supposed to interpret God based solely on my feelings about him? Some days I almost hate God. Some days I want to ask him a thousand angry questions. I am not Job. I cannot accept all of my sufferings without wondering how God could love me and let me go through some of the things I have been through.

Am I weak in my faith because I doubt God at times? Well, yeah. I'm only human after all. I recognize that I am finite. I have a strong intellect, but not infallible wisdom. Some things I do have to take on faith either because they are too big for the human mind or because I do not have enough knowledge to understand them. That is no easy task for a person who likes to be right.

It is okay. I accept that I am an intellectual about my faith, my life, my God. About the people around me and the ideas they espouse. It's not an evil thing to doubt and question. God gave me a brain, after all. Why should I be ashamed to use it? Perhaps he gave me a brain so I could weigh the evidence for and against his existence. So I could consider the logic of his judgments and actions. If so then he also gave me faith and hope. He gave me the need to rely on something bigger than myself. Myself can be a bit of a mess sometimes, after all.

On One Condition

The worst thing a person can do to another is offer conditional love. I submit that it is the cause of much sorrow and darkness. Perhaps the greatest cause. I would rather be hated than be the recipient of conditional love. To say that affection will only come if the object of affection does what the giver wants is a sentence of living death. You think I am being too extreme? Well, let's partake of an example then.

My favorite tv show is Smallville (I'm sure you all knew that). The relationship on Smallville that most interests me is the one between Lex Luthor and his father Lionel Luthor. It portrays the results of conditional love. I know, this is fictional, but stories can often illustrate to us what we find confusing in real life. When we first meet Lex he is the subject of his father's will. Lex is strong willed and emotional. He desires to be a good person and the audience cannot help but like him. Lionel is ruthless in his treatment of Lex. He places Lex in charge of a Luthor Corp plant and demands Lex achieve perfection in all his business dealings. Lex tries passive aggressive strategies to bypass his father's inflexible standards. Somehow Lionel is always one step ahead of Lex. It's like a horrible game between father and son. Nothing Lex does is good enough for Lionel. Lionel pits Lex against himself just to teach Lex how to be strong. We get a few flashback moments between Lex and Lionel. What we learn is that Lionel has always told Lex that he is weak and pathetic. That's how he tries to be a good father to Lex. Even when Lex does the right thing Lionel can find some mistake in it. Lionel himself is committing the greatest mistake a father can commit: conditional love. It is a mistake that teaches Lex he must be a perfect son or forever live ashamed and angry. Later in the series Lionel turns his life around and tries to reach out to his son. He is eventually able to offer the unconditional love that Lex never knew. But then it is too late. Lex is a bitter young man who refuses to believe his father could love him. Lex has taken conditional love to the next level. He distrusts everyone around him. He drives away even his closest friends because he constantly manipulates them in order to keep their friendships. And they tire of it. He is a lonely, sad, dark, obsessive, manipulative person.

So I repeat, the worst thing you can do to another human being is offer love based on their performance of your standards or wishes.

At the same time unconditional love can be taken to an extreme or used in an unhealthy manner. It's kind of like the battered wife principle: don't allow the abuser back into your life without proof of full repentance because that's unhealthy. Don't allow someone to take advantage of you just because you love them. Limits must exist in order for unconditional love to work. Those limits, however, should never be more important than the love we have for those around us. First offer the love, then the limits. If you go the other way round the person will probably never realize you care.

"I Have A Bad Feeling About This"

Emotions are an interesting concept. I say this partly because I have sequestered most of my emotions. I tend to be extremely logical. To a fault in fact. Mr. Spock in Star Trek: The Original Series and I would get along very well. We both make the same mistake, we fail to evaluate the emotional level of those around us. The question then becomes, how did I get this way? Did I, like Spock, choose to emulate the behavior required of me? Did I ignore my emotions because I was taught that they are unacceptable and perhaps even evil? A Vulcan does not have emotions. A Christian should control her emotions.

It all sounds eerily the same does it not? We are societally afraid of our emotions. Especially in the Christian evangelical setting. The strange thing is, there are many in evangelical churches who rely solely on their emotions to understand God. You know all those slogans about how Jesus is "my best friend" and we have "to be on fire for God." (By the way, if you're on fire you should stop, drop to the floor and roll around to put the fire out, only then should you continue reading this blog post.) I am not writing this to condemn or vilify Christian evangelicals. I think there are many good things that they do. Outreach is definitely one of their strengths and I applaud them for it. On the other hand, I am pointing out a logical anomaly in their doctrine.

Many evangelical churches despise the notions of doctrine and theology. Yet these are important things. Wars have been fought over different interpretations of biblical passages. You cannot convince me that doctrine and theology should be ignored in favor of experiences. I am not saying we should wage war over it now, heck, we have freedom of religion so we can discuss it freely. I encourage a positive response to the questions of what different doctrines mean. I am merely pointing out that doctrine is important (not all important, no, not more important than God). I do not think it is possible for humans to know everything about God. There are things we have to accept. At the same time, the wishy-washy drivel you sometimes learn in church is not helpful.

It is not so much the positive aspect of that drivel that I want to discuss. It is more the negative aspect. The continual need to tell the youth that their feelings are invalid or they should be ashamed of them. The fact is, obsession is a problem. Feelings are not. They are feelings, neither wrong nor right, but simply there. It is healthy to accept them for what they are and discuss them without hurting anyone. It is also helpful for parents to teach children how to express their feelings appropriately as they grow older. What would you rather have: A child who throws her ice cream cone on the ground because she wanted a piece of gum instead of ice cream (I can't justify her decision, no)? Or a child who says, "I really wanted gum not ice cream"? Okay, duh. The second alternative. Well, telling the child that she is spoiled and cannot have everything she wants is going to get you the former. Telling the child that you love her, you understand why she wants gum, but today we are having ice cream might still get you a tantrum. But it won't get you a child who goes through the rest of her life believing her needs are invalid and she should be ashamed of them.

There is nothing wrong with feelings. Even feelings that are rebellious toward a parent or authority figure. The fact is, children need to know they are individuals. They will never learn to live with their independence if they are not allowed to disagree. Pulling away from an angry child or withdrawing as if hurt when a child disagrees is damaging. In a rather evangelical sounding statement, I submit that God would not do that to his children. Even if he could not agree with us, he would not walk away to a distance or make us believe that we are always guilty of something (even just having a feeling). Why is it that evangelicals treat the youth this way? Not just in their own homes even, but everywhere? There could be many valid reasons. In fact, I am open to hearing them if you wish to join in the conversation. I am expressing my opinion and my hope that things will change for the better. That is all.

People Are Gullible

This post is meant to precede a series of my thoughts on religion in the U.S. today. I would draw your attention to this article found on the NeuroLogica Blog. It's an interesting description of how psychics ply their trade (i.e. dupe people so they can make money).

After reading the article linked above I felt creeped out. This is not because I ever believed in psychics. Personally, I think it's all hogwash. This is because I have known preachers of Christianity who have employed the same methods to get money from people and have called it the gift of prophecy. I do believe that God can speak to us today. I am not denying his power. But I also think that most people who claim to be prophetic and then utter vague incantations that could be applicable to anyone are frauds. Most of what they say is geared to get a bigger offering. Or they might actually believe they are prophetic. That is possible. Let me try an example to help you understand. If you tell a Christian that she "reads the Word a lot" and "should remain strong in the Word to accomplish her destiny" then you are certainly not saying anything new or unheard of. Chances are if the person identifies herself as a Christian then she does read her Bible a lot. The whole thing about "destiny" is vague and inscrutable. It does not mean anything. For the record someone who claimed to be a prophet actually gave me the above "prophecy." Personally, it did more harm then good. I went around wondering what the heck that meant and where that left me for a couple years after that. I could have actually been doing something useful. But no, some weirdo said something that didn't make sense and my upbringing had taught me not to ignore such people.

Now, however, I am a different person. Aside from the fact that in Revelations it suggests that prophecy has ended, it's illogical to pay attention to every bit of reasoning that comes from the mouth of someone who claims to have a prophetic gift. Many Christians act like someone is an "unbeliever" if she questions the words spoken by a "prophet." I would say no. Paul did tell us to test the spirits. I consider it a matter of common sense. Why believe everything someone says? Especially when there is no way to prove them wrong. People who claim to be prophetic are often believed -- for a while at least -- by evangelical protestants. I have seen this time and again. Someone claims to have this "gift," stands up and makes a prophecy. The time for the prophecy runs out and nothing happened. Unless, of course, you search the news and stuff. You can always find something that will coincide with the prophecy and could be what the person meant. Yeah, I call bullsh**. If there are multiple events that could be interpreted as the prophecy, but nothing definitive than it's obviously not sensible to go on listening to every word that person says. Furthermore, I have known several people who actually make stuff up to reinforce others opinion of them. They lie. It's a sad commentary on today's religious culture in the U.S.

My favorite of the methods some so-called prophets use to gain credibility is the argument against those infernal "unbelievers." The person will hold their religious meeting -- seance-- and then they will see someone walk out of the meeting less than halfway through. The person will then come up with multiple stories concerning people who "don't believe" and who have "already gone home to gossip about this meeting." Essentially, the "prophet" wants the followers to realize that they are special for believing in his meeting. Frankly, it's creepy. People who have to put others down in order to reinforce their own reputations are up to no good.

On the other side of things I have known people who are overly critical of other Christians beliefs. Again, sad commentary on today's religious culture. But perhaps not completely. The fact is, we have the freedom to believe what we want to believe in this country. That is a huge plus. So long as we have that freedom I cannot dismiss everyone I disagree with. Religious freedom is one of our most important rights. So go on, believe what you believe. I would never make a law against your gullibility.

Philosophy of Stories

A wise man once told me -- and I paraphrase, "Philosophy means nothing, we should just tell stories." I tend to view my life through a kaleidoscope of stories. This is why I write and this is why I wish to share some of the stories that have made me who I am. I will focus on the stories that I enjoyed before the age of 19 (that's when I went to college) in this post.

1. Horton Hatches the Egg: When I was very young I had a cassette tape that played this Dr. Seuss classic. I would listen to it every day along with my twin sister. The thing I remember most about the story is Horton's stodgy motto: "I meant what I said and I said what I meant, an elephant's faithful one hundred percent." I took that to mean exactly what it means, except that I am not an elephant. I hold myself to a very high standard of doing what I say I will do. I used to think this came about after my experiences selling puppies to deadbeats who never showed up when they said they would. Or simply because I am a Christian and want to give people a good impression of Christianity. But no, the fact is, I hold myself to that standard because a story drilled it into me at a very young age.

2. King Solomon in the Bible: You might wonder what this story had to do with me. Well, I'll tell you. One of my favorite Bible stories was the one about King Solomon's wisdom. I used to ask mom to read that to me from the picture Bible at least once a week. I took it to mean that wisdom is good, but it's difficult to come by. Strangely enough, I always understood why what Solomon did in the story about the baby and the two women who claimed it was a wise way of acting. I also understood that he lost his wisdom in certain circumstances (around attractive women, or just women). We all have weaknesses that outweigh the bounds of our wisdom. Or, rather, we are all fallen and even wisdom cannot keep us from doing stupid and wrong things. We need God's forgiveness.

3. The book of Job: I have read Job more than any other book in the Bible. It's effects on the way I live my life are multiple. First, there's Job's absolute stubbornness. He just would not curse God, and he refused to believe that the reason for his torment was his own doing. I am a stubborn person too. If you say something to me that I completely disagree with then I will not back down. I've got myself into trouble because of that. Which brings me to the next bit of Job's story that shaped the way I am. How I choose my friends. I am very picky about who I am close to. I am not exclusive, however. I will hang out and have a good time with lots of different people. I am picky, however, about who I confide in. Obviously, poorly chosen friends can have a negative effect. So I choose as wisely as I can. The third thing I learned from Job is reverence. Another term for that would be the fear of God. I have never heard God speak from a whirlwind, but I know he can. Then there is the subject of suffering. From the book of Job I learned that suffering is a part of life. You cannot get around it no matter how good you are. Some people choose to whine and complain about suffering. I try my best to accept suffering and make the most of this imperfect life. Lastly, I have the patience of Job. I kid you not.

4. Mouse Soup: My favorite book was Mouse Soup. I memorized it when I was three years old so that I could read it to myself before I knew how to read. Mouse Soup taught me that you do not have to be the biggest and the strongest in order to succeed against bigger and stronger odds. You just have to be a thinker and you have to keep going. Mouse Soup is really a Machiavellian story and it made Machiavellian principles quite clear to me at a very young age. This book also gave me an appreciation for the use of words and stories. A good story can turn a bad day around. In Mouse Soup the stories he tells save the little mouse's life. It's an extreme example, but it works.

5. Frog and Toad books: These books taught me many things about devotion, perseverance and loyalty. I would read them again and again because I so admired the friendship between Frog and Toad. To this day when I think of happiness among friends I think of Frog and Toad. I also think of those two creatures when I have bad dreams or do garden work.

6. The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes: Holmes is a remarkable character. Perhaps best known for the phrase, "Truth is stranger than fiction." I always laughed that a fictional character said that. The important thing I learned from Holmes was to pay attention to my surroundings. You can deduce a lot if you just take the time to observe the world around you. It took conscious effort for me to train myself to watch the world and determine the meanings of what I saw. Now it's a subconscious skill.

7. Pinocchio: Pinocchio was the first longish book that I ever read. It's really not that long actually. I adored this story from a very young age, having watched the Disney movie over and over again. But the book is so much better than the movie. People always tell me that "Pinocchio lied." My response was always, "Yeah, and he repented." His life was a long struggle of yearning. Just as my own is. He wanted to be better than he was and he could not be that of his own free will. Nothing Pinocchio did could make him into his desire to be human. Just as nothing I do will make me perfect or wash me clean of my wrongdoings. Only God's grace can do that.

Stories shaped my character and that's why I am a story teller. I'd better get back to writing my book now. What are some of your stories?

Enter A Subject: Christmas

It's that time of year. I'm definitely getting into the Christmas spirit now. It helps that most of my Christmas shopping has been dealt with. It also helps that other people are catching the Christmas spirit and generating it all around. I love how people get mostly happy around Christmas. That is, other than the annoying last minute shoppers who are out to get everything off the shelves. They might knock you down in the process. There are a lot of people like that. I don't do last minute shopping for more than one gift anymore. I just can't stand the crowds and the angry customers.

Back to the happy subject. I was talking to my favorite insurance man the other day. He was so happy and Christmasy that I could not help but catch the infectious mood. Christmas is an amazing time of the year. It's the time when we all try to overlook other people's faults and have a good time with the people we love. It's a time when we ignore the artificial, superficial issues and strive to be better people. It's a time when we stop forgetting to tell our friends and family that we love them and we always will.

I just like Christmas. Other than the story of Jesus' birth, my favorite Christmas story will always be "A Christmas Carol." I think it's the only good Dickens story, really. It's short and to the point. It tells the story of one man's redemption. I am a sucker for stories of redemption. There's just something about Scrooge that rings truest at Christmas time. He's the old man getting washed away in the waters of baptism that God gave to us through Jesus. After that there is renewal. But none of that could have been possible without Jesus' birth as a tiny baby. There is an awesomeness in Jesus' birth that we often forget. It's not just a pretty picture book, or a cutesy story with fuzzy animals and hay. No, Jesus birth was as important as the events that followed his birth. It is a much greater story with far more truth in it than the story of Scrooge that I enjoy so much. It moves me to more emotion, despite the fact that it is a lot easier to identify with "A Christmas Carol" or some other more modern story that we watch or read at Christmas time.

But more than that, Jesus birth reminds me every year of the gift of grace God offered to me and to all people. That is something that no other story can capture, no matter how touching or emotional it is. This is because grace is more than a story and more than an emotion. It is beyond my ability to imagine or understand. The Christmas spirit is the time when I find myself most able to contemplate grace. And yet I still cannot fathom the wonder and power of God's mercy on humankind. To extend the same grace to each one of us with no resentments or annoyances. That is far beyond our human comprehension. God is good, and Christmas is the time of year that forces me to remember that fact. Let this dreadful ramble remind you not to get so wrapped up in plans and presents that you ignore the truth about Christmas.

Look A Bunny!

I won't say this is Ah, Logic worthy, but it sure got me thinking. I have often been annoyed at people in general for their propensity to blame problems on those who are obviously not creating chaos of the intensity that has been alleged. Skirting the issues is a proud tradition of the human condition. Here are a few interesting points about that. Maybe I'll talk about this again in a later post. At the moment I'm being interrupted constantly and it's getting old. But that tends to happen at work . . .

A Bandaid Moment

In order to understand the title of my post, I refer you to this post on my livejournal that I wrote some time ago. To me, a bandaid moment is the moment when someone I've never met before does something that is completely unselfish. And the person does that for me. They will never be repaid because I will never meet them again. They simply act in a way that restores my faith in God. I have had other bandaid moments, always when I least expect them. Today I really needed one. I was not thinking of one or the fact that I needed one. Yet it seems that whenever I am at my wit's end, God gives me a bandaid moment and I see again that He will always provide for me. That's what happened to me today.

I've had a rough day. I went to the doctor earlier and found out about some stuff that really scares me. I've wanted to cry all day, but I've worked hard. I've also been in a lot of pain today and that has not helped the situation. My discouragement scale was definitely dipping close to despair.

I went to the pharmacy to get some pain medicine and some other stuff that I have to take in preparation for a scary medical test I mentioned in the previous post. Craig was with me. When I went to pick up the medications the total came up to 82 cents. Now, I do not carry cash pretty much ever. So I asked Craig if he had 82 cents. He said he did not. I decided we would have to take the medicine to the regular checkout and the cashier got it ready. Then she remembered that she had already rung it up and could not just void it off the register. I was going to have to pay for all my other stuff with the medicine and I had an item that needed to be weighed, so I would have to take that to the regular checkout as the pharmacy checkout did not have a scale.

The customer standing next to me suddenly pulled out a dollar and offered to pay for my medicine. I was surprised and tried not to accept, but she paid anyway. I thanked her profusuely and said a silent prayer for her. I could not believe someone would do that for me. As I left the store I struggled to hold back tears at the kindness of that woman.

My faith in God has been restored, or rejuvenated because it never really went away. I have to say that if God will take care of me even when I am lazy and forgetful then He will take care of me in the midst of my current crisis. I should carry some cash with me now and then. I should have been willing to pay for that with one of my cards or I should have just left the items that needed to be weighed. But instead God took care of me and showed me that He's still there, He has not left me despite my pain, my suffering and the fear I have felt in regards to whatever could be physically wrong with me. He is so amazing and so merciful. He did not have to give his life for mine and defeat death so that I could have eternal life. And on top of all that have a kind person in the right place so that when I was stupid and lazy I could still be taken care of. But He did. God's love is wonderful. I am in awe.

Happy Thanksgiving America!

Thanksgiving is a truly American holiday and it's probably my favorite. Super Bowl Sunday is a close second.

Cooking a Thanksgiving dinner is an art. I take a lot of pride in making my turkey and pumpkin pie and sweet potatoes and mashed potatoes and gravy and all the other things one has on Thanksgiving. But food is not really what this day is about.

This day is about giving thanks for what we have been blessed with. When you look around you will realize that you have been blessed with an awful lot of stuff. Even if you're as poor as a churchmouse, you still have people who care about you, or a roof over your head. Or the ability to read this post on a computer. I mean, you can read, isn't that cool?

But, to come to the point, there is one thing we have all been offered or blessed with. That is God's salvation. God has extended His grace to every single person through His Son's death on the cross and ressurection. And that is no small gift. That is something for which mere thanks will never be enough. Although God knows our human condition makes it impossible for us to repay Him, he still offers that salvation with no conditions. Indeed, the idea that conditions apply and that we have to earn that gift is nothing more than an insult. Although, it is possible to reject God's gift and many have done just that.

I know you're thinking that it could not be that easy. That's the trap into which many people have fallen. Yes, it's simply that easy. Jesus gave his life for our sins, we can be clean and forgiven. It's just that simple. You do not have to stare into the face of your own shortcomings and realize that you will never be good enough because Jesus did it all for us. For that I am truly thankful.

Hats Off To You, Mr. Luther

Yesterday was Reformation Day. I would toast a long and happy life to Martin Luther, the man who made Reformation Day, but he's been dead for quite some time. Of course, I'm a Lutheran, so that's the only reason I'm talking right now.

I am not one of those Lutherans who eats, lives and breathes everything Martin Luther ever said. I find some of his words to be true and interesting. Others are rather humorous in their outright crankiness. And some are not at all true. I do think that his codification of doctrine was very well done and I agree with a lot of it. Generally, I do not call myself a Lutheran, because I never liked the Lutheran arrogance. I still do not like that. It was the reason that I had a lot of trouble becoming a Lutheran. I did not want to turn into an arrogant person who sat around talking about why everyone else was wrong. Fortunately that is not requisite for being Lutheran and here I am. I'm sure I'm more arrogant than I think, but you get the general idea.

Back to the topic now. I would like to offer a warm round of applause to Martin Luther. I am happy that such a guy existed to put the world off the track of massive church corruption, at least inasmuch as he did. I wonder what the world would be like now if Martin Luther had never existed and had not been quite so hardheaded when he did. It would probably be a lot weirder. Hats off to you, Mr. Luther.

Just One Question

It seems that every time someone attempts to open the doors of civil debate and discussion about Islam, the Muslims riot, kill people and burn things. After a while it gets me to wondering if Islam is a "religion of peace," or if that's just a glossed over way of trying to appease people who are otherwise rather crazy.

I hate to stereotype but come on people! What ever happened to just saying, "I disagree"? How do you expect people to take your opinion seriously when you cannot give your opinion without killing somebody?

Begging For Reason

This article, by Heather MacDonald, begs for a response which I am only too inclined to give. In her article, Heather MacDonald explains her reasons for believing that if God exists he is an evil God with no love for humanity. On a certain level I agree with her, because I have had my moments of anger toward God. They never lasted all that long, but they happened.

Still, what do you say to a person when they express a response to the idea of God such as the one in this article? She has addressed several arguments written by Christians and shown a well founded contempt for them. To say that God's love is different from ours would make little sense to someone who does not understand God's love. It makes little enough sense to those who have an inkling of understanding. After all, God's love offers us both our free will and His grace. It does not stop evil things from happening on a regular basis and recognizes us as both the cause of our own misfortunes and as evil people. That's a tough thing to hear or understand. People will point out a child and ask how you can call such a lovely and innocent person evil. What do you say?

The train example which MacDonald writes suggests another of those difficult to answer questions. Perhaps it can best be answered by pointing out the Christian belief in eternal life. If you believe that you're going to heaven when you die then you most likely believe that you will pass on in God's good time and not before. A train may take you, or you may die in your sleep. On the other hand, Christians believe it is wrong to murder. Thus, life is precious and death is tragic. This appears to be a dichotomy. Or you might turn it around even more and suggest that since God knows the end from the beginning, He knows when we will die and therefore he is an accomplice to murder. A person can get all tangled up in these ideas and come to the conclusion that either God is evil, or He does not exist. Terrible things happen all the time -- why?

All of this is merely a distraction. God did create a perfect world and we messed it up because He loved us enough to offer us free will. Instead of snatching that free will away and forcing us to live as God had originally intended, He sent His own son to be born among us, live a life like ours, remain perfect and take our wrongdoings upon him in death. It did not end there, however, for that son rose from the dead after conquering death. None of this makes logical sense. But it is the only answer I can give to the arguments at hand. If you seek to turn God into logic, remember that He created that logic. Of course, this is not going to help someone who does not believe that God exists. I have no answer for that.

So still, these questions remain. Our language is finite, God is infinite, how can the one be translated into the other? Christianity is a face value religion, yet there are so many things that are difficult for us to come to terms with. In the end, I am forced to look into the storm with Job and hear the words that God spoke then (Job 38):

2 "Who is this that darkens my counsel
with words without knowledge?

3 Brace yourself like a man;
I will question you,
and you shall answer me.

4 "Where were you when I laid the earth's foundation?
Tell me, if you understand . . .

"Why Do We Suffer?"

My gravestone should read something like this, "She always knew what to say." It's funny, I never thought it would bother me always to know what to say to people when they're sad or upset or annoyed. Isn't that the sort of person we all want to be? Not me, not anymore. Always knowing how to respond is really just a facade, one that coats the fact that I do not wish to feel too deeply, I do not wish to be affected too much by something like love. Therefore, I do not allow myself to be at a loss.

Watching the movie, Shadowlands, last night caused me to walk through a door -- metaphorically speaking -- through which I do not think I can ever return. Or perhaps I can. The ability of the human soul to return to its prideful ways is unsurpassed. One can be broken completely, yet still, the pride will knock again, asking to become a part of me once more. And in my shallow, foolish ways, I will take it back, almost before it is gone.

Yet for a few hours my pride was broken and erased. For a few hours I existed as nothing but myself. Myself with no facade. While watching the movie, all the suffering I have ever known mixed with my sorrow for the trials of the characters themselves. The question that C.S. Lewis asks in Shadowlands, "Why do we suffer?" kept coming back to me afterwards. I'm not going to say that I know the answer to this question, because I do not. I know the textbook answer: suffering makes us understand happiness; suffering refines us like gold. But those words seem hollow in the face of real suffering.

My aunt passed away about two years ago. She died of cancer after an 18 month battle. As she was my favoriate aunt ever, that was a very sad time. Now, she was a Christian and I knew where she went after death. But somehow, that did not matter at the time. I remember going in to work the day after the funeral. There was this customer whom I had never got along with and she, naturally, chose that day to come in to get some photos copied. As I was helping her copy the photos she started crying. She then informed me that the photos were pictures of her brother who had just died of cancer. Actually, the cancer had been cured, he died from the effects of chemo. She told me that he was a Christian, so he had gone to heaven. I told her about my aunt, and I started crying too. We both said the same thing then, "I know he/she went to heaven and is happy and well now, but why couldn't he/she be with us a little longer and be happy here?" Yeah, that's suffering. The stark reality that you have lost what you are terrified to lose, even though you have always known you would lose it. We simply rephrased the question in our response, "Why do we suffer?"

We suffer because we love, because we care, because we do feel deeply for others. To know the reason behind the suffering is to have a peace that goes beyond words. A peace that exists in such a way that you cannot explain it. However, it is expressed in the tears we let fall for both ourselves and the others we meet who suffer. It is easy to go through life, suffering its trials without understanding and with a desire simply to avoid all suffering. Suffering is bad, or so they say. Yet suffering makes us who we are. For Christians, suffering transforms us into the perfect image of God that we were always meant to be. No, the words that could tell you why we suffer will not come from me, because I do not know the answer to that question in words. I know it in suffering alone, and in feeling the grief that suffering leaves behind, and in leaving that grief behind as I move on to run the race that God prepared me to run.