Spring Is Here

Every season change brings something new. For me that usually means a sinus infection, a cold, or bronchitis. I think it's just a nasty head-cold this time around. I was thinking today that had it not been spring break I might have had to miss class a few times this week. Lucky for me it is spring break and I can just go ahead and sleep in. And totally waste my spring break week on stuff that isn't fun at all.

The real question, of course, is: am I back to blogging? I don't know for sure. As usual I have many ideas on stuff to blog about. My running commentary on life has little to no outlet without the blog. It's kind of upsetting actually. I miss the therapeutic aspect of typing away my thoughts into an angry or comic rant. Whichever fits my mood.

I think that part of the reason I don't blog much anymore is that constrictive feeling of knowing that so many people I am personally acquainted with will read my writing. Not to say I mind that. I kinda like it that people I know think my stuff is worth reading. On the other hand, I do have to temper it a little. However, there is this thought that I would probably temper my writing even if people I know didn't read it. The fact is, someone I know will likely come across my words and I would not wish to be unkind.

What's the big deal about anonymous blogging anyway? Why is it so frightening for people who know us to know what we are thinking? Yes, it's easier to be honest when you're talking to faceless names on a computer -- who have no nonverbal communication to boot. But is that right? Or is this one of those things that goes beyond right and wrong and is defined more by personal preference, attitude, and ability to assert one's real personality?

You tell me. If you've a mind.

To Whom It May Concern

I have never let my blog slide for this long before. The last month and a half was extremely busy and in some ways difficult for me.

I started working full time at an enormous company. It was a temp job though and they ran out of work for me. Now I am back to sitting on my bum, doing homework, and cleaning the house until they can find me some more work. Boredom is frustrating for me, so I hope I start working again soon. The job schedule I was working was about perfect for me. Hence, more frustration at losing it.

My grandmother passed away during my first two weeks of working full time and I was unable to attend the memorial service, it being in another state and me just starting my job and all. That was a bummer.

I had a wonderful vacation in Michigan for one week. It wasn't all fun and games since I was the matron of honor in a friend's wedding. Actually, it was all fun. For our anniversary Craig and I swore off doing wedding prep work and went to Lake Michigan for a day. It was great.

Now I am back home and working on a relatively huge decision. I am thinking that I might go back to school full time and work some sort of evening shift. I have put together a tentative class schedule. Of course, I take forever to make important decisions like this. So, that's where I am right now.

Days Of My Lives

1) I watched Wolverine about a week after it came into theaters. There is one good thing about this movie and it's really more for chicks than for guys. Hugh Jackman makes an awesome action hero. Too bad his lines and character totally sucked. Actually, most of the movie sucked. The storyline was roughly nonexistant, characters who should have died came back to life, Wolverine angsted his life away over mistakes he did not actually make, and a few random characters had a few lines each. Not to mention Wolverine was a complete moron. He seemed incapable of anticipating his brother (Victor). From the start Victor was insanely jealous, unstable, and ruthless. Wolverine persisted in believing he was a decent guy all the way to the end of the movie. It was dumb. I could not suspend my unbelief while watching the movie.

2) Star Trek was perfect. The cast did a wonderful job portraying the beloved characters from the original series. They had all the mannerisms and personalities down to a t. The plot was exciting and the action kept me on the very edge of my seat. I was happy to see that Hollywood can still make a good epic type action movie once in a while. I also enjoyed some of the additions to characters. For example, the relationship between Spock and Uhura was a great touch. I also enjoyed the fact that Chekov was more than just a side character. Dr. McCoy was great. He may in fact have been the most well cast character in the entire movie. I only wish he had been in a few more scenes. I definitely loved the part where he gets Kirk onto the Enterprise. It was classic. I cannot recommend this movie enough to fan and Star Trek ignoramous alike.

3) I did okay on my finals. I got an A in the class that I thought I would get an A in. In my other class I passed. I will need to take some more preliminary math courses before I go on to Calculus, but I got a higher grade then I expected. I would like to know for sure that I understand what's going on when I get to Calc, however.

4) I have an algebra course to take this summer and wedding to be a part of. It should be a good summer. I am planning to do a lot of work on my yard and garden areas. Landscaping, you know. It seems kind of mundane and domestic, but I am excited to have a pretty yard. I have never had a yard of my own before.

5) There are loud people in my house playing Risk right now. I wanted to hang out with a friend or two this evening, but everyone is busy. It is kind of impossible for me to see friends lately and it's getting totally frustrating. I suppose that's life, but I keep trying and trying and getting nos for answers. It's old. That's all I have to say. Maybe I should stop being so nice or something.

6) I am doing some writing in my spare time. It's okay. Not going along as well as I hoped, but any work is good.

A Day In The Life . . .

Going back to school is hard work. I spend a lot of time studying although I am only taking two classes. That is partly because I want to get a good grade and partly because Precalculas is higher math and requires many hours of study to grasp. It would help if my algebra were not so rusty. Sometimes I will be doing a math problem and I will get to a point where I realize that I do not know what to do next. Not because I'm dumb, but because I forgot the next algebraic rule that I needed to remember to keep going. It is times like those that I am thankful for partial credit.

Other things that take up my time are work. I am working at a flower shop. You would not believe the amount of work that goes into getting people their pretty flowers. Those arrangements are worth the high prices, let me tell you. However, I do not intend to speak much of work because I am always cautious about that sort of thing. Suffice it to say I enjoy my job and no, I do not design flower arrangements.

Today I am supposed to do laundry. Actually, yesterday I was supposed to do laundry. Actually, actually, I was supposed to do laundry at the end of last week. Having a washer and dryer in my own home helps, but having to study for multiple tests and keep up with other house cleaning does not help.

I recently wrote the first draft of a short story. Do not ask me how I had time for that. I intend to revise it and get some second opinions. Then maybe I will send the story out to a magazine or something to see about publishing. A little supplemental income would be nice.

I have come up with dozens of rants to write. Taking an Intro to Psychology course with a whole lot of regular people gives me so much material. I simply have little time to write my rants. But as I am sure you are all anxious to hear them I will try to get some written. Also, my holiday monkey Neville seems to have gone missing. That's why I have not announced the Neville Chamberlain award for 2008. I have sent a sleuth known as Detective Scorch (he's a Ty Beanie Baby dragon and charges very high prices for his PI skills) in search of Neville and hope to post the award before the year is half over.

In other news the weather was getting nice and it turned nasty again. I wish spring would stop teasing us Iowans.

It's Never Easy

I have been working hard on my two classes worth of homework, my new job, and keeping my house in some semblence of order for the past month. Hence, I have not had much time to write. Do not worry, I am around and well. I will try to make updates as often as possible given my schedule. You will have to be patient with me. That is, if I have readers still. Comment if you're still here (seriously).

Such A Long Time

This post is just an update with more intellectual stuff to follow (seriously).

1. I had a job interview a few days ago and it went well. For me, that's spectacular.

2. I did win NaNoWriMo with 60k words and counting. I plan to finish the draft.

3. I had a wonderful Thanksgiving visiting friends down south a ways.

4. Christmas is going to be a Grinch this year for me and mine. I only hope I can get gifts out to friends and family in January.

5. I continue looking for a job with a lot more focus than I have ever had before.

6. Happy Thanksgiving a little late.

7. It looks like I'll be taking a couple tough classes come January. I'm kind of excited to be moving on with that.

8. I was on CNN. Too cool.

9. Here an Obama, there an Obama, everywhere an Obama. Obama.

10. Why don't people remember Ebenezer Scrooge for his generosity after he redeemed himself?

One Word: Nanowrimo

Next month is National Novel Writing Month. This will be my fourth year taking part in the illustrious endeavor to write 50,000 words of a novel in 30 days. This year I will be exploring the lives of amoral artificial intelligences as they accidentally destroy the fabric of the space-time continuum. Exciting? You bet. Strange, dark and psychologically disturbing? I guess I'll find out.

In my efforts to find a job I have come to the conclusion that this might be a bit of a lost cause. I mean, after all, the economy is in a slump and only the most experienced are getting hired. It puts a person in a bad mood. Especially since I have a lot of job experience and I can learn just about anything in a couple weeks -- with or without a [blank] for Dummies book.

Fortunately, November has become my favorite month of the year. It's almost here and it's sure to brighten my mood. Sometimes all you need is a little encouragement in something you do well. I write well. I love the exercise of creation. I get to start all over again on an entirely new work of fiction every November. I get to immortalize people in my life who have passed on or moved away. I get to control my own little universe. I get to write. Few things in life compare well to the writing high I get in November. It's difficult even to sleep because I am so happy I don't need as much sleep. I am always at my best in the most blah month of the year (things are just starting to get cold and nasty, you know).

My favorite part of Nanowrimo is the fact that the solitary act of writing has become a group sport. I write all month surrounded by other writers. It's like going through a battle together. We laugh, we cry, we get frustrated, we dance in triumph. All together. Nothing draws human beings together like the long journey of a shared trial. I am so excited to be doing this again.

Me, At A Party, Sort Of

So, I've told you how I drive my car in the snow. I am darn good at that. I know all the tricks of the trade. For example, shift into neutral if you're trying to stop and you start to slide ominously close to the rear end of the car in front of you. The wheels will stop turning and believe it or not you will stop. Note: this trick does not always work with 100% success; once I had to shift into neutral and steer into a snowbank on the curb to avoid rearending someone. Not to digress. Okay, wait for it . . . I have never told you about how I am at a party.

I don't really go to parties. That's probably the main reason I don't talk about going to parties. Did you know that in my entire college career I never attended a party? Did you further know that I have never been intoxicated from alcohol use? Did you further know that one of my friends used to tell me I had obviously escaped from a nursing home and had some really good plastic surgery done to make myself look younger? Okay, so, one of those lines is only half true, but I'm not going to tell you which one. Suffice it to say if you ever find me at a party I will have to put the blame on quantum tunneling. I would never knowingly go into a situation like that.

So, I was going to say, since I am a social oddity I don't do too well at large events with lots of people. Recently, I attended a church picnic with my husband. It was fun until I decided to tell a joke. Our new vicar from church was leading a short devotional to close the evening's festivities. He asked a simple question: "What is the meaning of life?" I responded by shouting -- twice, because nobody got it the first time -- "42!" Of course, nobody got it the second time either. Then one person started laughing and confirmed that no, Esther is not crazy, she's just the queen of obscure references.

Boy, I felt stupid. Yeah, I'm here all week. I don't even need alcohol to make jokes like that.

Face To Face

Today I would like to take some time to mock the internet. Yes, that's me. I utilize the world wide web for information gathering, email, and blogging. I even made a friend online. Now I'm gonna sit here and diss part of my world. I see the irony and I know how easy it is to pick on technology. However, there are certain things for which the internet is a poor substute: i.e. friendship.

I have moved three times in the past 3 years. Albeit the third move was five miles away from the place I lived after the second move. It still requires new habits. For example, I don't get to go to the laundromat anymore with my overloaded bags of dirty clothes. I started chatting with one girl who worked there. I mean, we weren't friends or anything, but she was pleasant and interesting. I enjoyed getting to say a few words. I enjoyed going to get my coffee while she kept half an eye on my stuff. Now I do laundry at home alone. It's convenient. Plus my washer and dryer work much better than their coin-operated counterparts. Yet it feels like I am missing something. I am missing face to face contact. The grocery store is the same story. I decided to do my shopping at the store where I used to go. It's only five miles. Sometimes the managers will open up another check-out lane just for me. The guy at the meat counter always knows what I am going to get before I ask. No, I don't have deep conversations. Yes, I do get treated like some kind of VIP and I have an excuse for human contact.

I am not a total loser. Sorry to burst your bubble. I do make friends rather easily despite my shyness. I enjoy the company of almost everyone I meet. Even the people I dislike I can learn to accept. My nature is to find the good in people. People are interesting and unique. They are fun to watch and even more fun to interact with -- I sound like an a.i. or something . . .

The online community can be a lot of fun too. I get a kick out of reading humorous blogs. I read a lot of news and editorials. I like to read comment threads in people's blog posts and watch the back and forth. Still, something is missing. I find myself wondering, what do these people look like? What facial expression might this blog author have had when he or she wrote that post? Wouldn't it be more entertaining to have an entire conversation with somebody or several somebodies? I know there is a lot to the virtual world. Blogging alone can include video, audio or written word. Then there are webcams and those are very useful if a loved one is far away.

All these innovations still miss the face to face discussion. The enjoyment of being in the presence of a friend cannot exist in the virtual medium. Internet just can't take the place of real people and real places. Furthermore, I do better with my blogging when I am having real experiences and hanging with my real friends -- no offense to you computer people -- then when I am isolated and get most of my daily interactions reading stuff online. So, I guess this was my long-winded way of telling you all to quit reading my blather and go make a friend.

My First

Craig and I are in our new house. I have already got used to it. I feel like I'm home. Finally. To stay. I don't want to move away from this town. I know we will outgrow this beautiful house someday. It is the perfect first home. Perfect. It has two bedrooms of decent size, one and a half bathrooms, a very large living room, a formal dining room, and the friendliest kitchen you can imagine. Everyone who has come into this place has seen its potential. It's just adorable.

The move was interesting. We didn't get a moving truck because a) we didn't have much furniture to move and b) we had to move in the evenings after Craig got off work. Many of our friends in the area came and helped us move stuff into the house. I didn't realize how many friends I had until we found ourselves in a bit of a pinch here. They just came out of the woodwork to help. We got out of our nasty, centipede apartment with the moronic, upstairs neighbors a little over a week ago. I feel so free.

There were few mishaps despite the abnormal nature of the move itself. One of the mishaps included the loss of about 65% of our fine china. The good news is it's a replaceable pattern and you can find good deals on it online.

I spent our first few days in the house catching up on my sleep. That is, after several of my family members stopped by and after we drove to Kansas and back for a wedding. Busy, busy, busy. I am finally breathing a sigh of relief and getting back to the job hunt. Oh, didn't you know? I quit my job. It was a good idea. I am going to find a job that will lead me on my chosen career path. Not quite sure what that is yet, but I have some ideas.

Today we made our first furniture purchase for the house. A desk chair. This is not just any desk chair. It's all leather and it has a high back and it swivels and it can be raised and lowered. It's cool. I got it for super cheap at a consignment shop. A consignment shop that is pretty, darn close to my new house. I love this town. Oh yeah.

Pick Your Friends

Life outside of school is very different. There are bills to pay -- including loans that were once deferred. Logistics to determine. Vacations to plan. You have to take care of your property. You always have to provide your own meals. Luckily for me I would rather eat cooked crickets than go back to cafeteria food. You also have to plan stuff to do because you're not always studying. Another major difference between college/highschool and "real life" is the making of friends.

In college we were all alone and knew no one. We were always looking for friends. Plus, we were always around one another. We would go hang out at midnight or start a movie at 2am and it was just fine. School is a whole different world from where I am now. Now I have to make the effort to get to know people. I have to make a conscious effort. When I am around new friends I have to tell myself, "Esther, you need to ask them questions and listen." Not that I am a bad listener. I am just used to friendships that flow along like a river. Outside of school friendships are more like climbing a mountain.

For other people this might not be so difficult. But I didn't learn to make friends until I was in highschool and then it was a crash course. I was homeschooled. Yeah, I got "socialized" some. But the whole bit about exerting myself to befriend other kids never really came up. Studies were always the most important thing. Frankly, studies are somewhat useless if you can't deal with people on a regular basis. Just my opinion. I recently realized that I have never taken matters into my own hands to seek and pursue a friendship since my freshman year of college. And that was the only time I ever did that. I kept all those friends -- which is great. However, I only got to know people other than those few close friends on a superficial level.

Yeah, I had a few people who were proactive in their friendships toward me outside of school when I was younger. Without going into detail let's just say those friendships did not always end well. At this point in time I prefer to be the initiator. Why? Because I know what I am looking for. Because I have good judgment of people. I trust myself more than I trust others. My friends don't have to be just like me. They do have to be people who give back into a friendship in a positive way. At my age, it's really strange to be having to put myself through a whole new education. But that's how it goes. I never learned to make friends in an environment where people other than myself already had all the friends they needed. Now I have a lot to learn. Lucky for me I am a very fast learner.