Moving Right Along

I continue to press onwards toward my goals in life. I keep trying to decide if I want to stop blogging entirely or return to writing a couple times a week. I think I'd like to blog, I just run out of time. I am a thinker and an observer and don't always wish to tell the world what is on my mind. We'll see where that gets me.

I recently finished a couple classes to become a nurse's aide. I am looking for a job working with patients. It's an exciting time for me. I estimate that I have two more years before I can start medical school. Another two years of that and I'll have my career as a physician assistant.

I think I want to specialize in surgery once I get to med school. However, I might also emphasize cardiology. So far it is my strongest interest in medicine.

Life has been crazy busy for the past several months. I thought I'd have a nice summer break, but instead I've been busy most of the time. Next week I'll be starting my classes for the fall. I'm kind of shocked at how fast this year has flown by.

I've been reading a lot of blogs and ideas and stuff lately. I'll try to incorporate some of my thoughts into later posts. Frankly, it's difficult to write sometimes. I feel as if I know so little and so much at the same time. But I'll try. I think.

My Brain Never Tires

There's this phrase that I don't like much. It goes: "You've got your head in the clouds." I think it means that I am a thinking person. Which is why the phrase strikes me as ridiculous. It would be more accurate to say that I have my head cerebrally located -- perhaps differing from the bodily locations where others sometimes keep their heads? Another meaning of the phrase "head in the clouds" is the notion that I'm not here on earth. I do not understand why it's not possible to be a thinker, a dreamer, and a realist at the same time. There are so many false dichotomies that seem to persist in day-to-day living.

I like to think about dichotomies sometimes -- true or false. I took a logic course a long time ago and I remember reading the tactics for challenging statements of this sort. A dichotomy sets up a sort of "if" . . . "then". . . scenario. For example, "If God created the world, then evolution is false." Or vice-versa. I know that's a big can of worms and I do not wish to get into a debate at the moment. But why is so little merit given to the notion that God creating the earth and evolution could co-exist? Why are so many things considered offhandedly wrong just because we want something else to be right? The best way to challenge the argument seems to mean that you must take one side or the other. I kind of like to consider the possibility that both might be true or both might be false.

There are so many things that exist in tandem. You might say the world is much more gray than it is black and white. But it is comforting to see the black and white more clearly than the gray. For example, villains should be like the ones in cartoons, or like Voldemort: all evil. But then you get heroes who are not completely good. Face it, none of them are. Peter Pan was kind of a self-righteous snot; Harry Potter rarely trusts his friends; Odysseus got all his friends killed and made up stories constantly. I could go on. If the heroes can have flaws, even traits we would consider "evil" then why can't the villains have some good in them?

Or is it that fear of the unknown that people wish to avoid. That fear that if you look into the eyes of the villain and see that he's only human then you won't want the hero to take him out anymore? And what does it mean for the rest of society? It appears to mean that bad can exist in the shape of good. Which means that it takes work to tell what is right and what is wrong. It's easier just to pretend that all things operate on extremes. Isn't it?

Too Much Time

Lately I have discovered I have a problem. It's called free time. I listen to other people talk about free time and how they don't have enough of it and they always want more of it. I just can't identify with that mindset. I have way too much free time. Growing up my Aunt P. would have "found" me "something to do" if I had complained of being bored. She was not a fan of the word "bored" or any form it can take. That was one of those quirks that I loved her for. However, the problem is not that I am bored or that I do not have enough to do. I cook, I clean, I job hunt. I hope against hope that I will be able to afford classes this semester.

No, the real problem is that I think too much. My brain cannot stop ruminating. It can get intense. The longer I have no intellectual pursuits the worse it becomes. This is certainly not that I condemn thinking or being an intellectual. Just that when I spend too much time alone with no intellectual pursuits I begin to lose some of my logic and rationality. It makes it more difficult for me to write (blog). I won't use the word crazy, but sometimes I feel like climbing walls. I simply cannot be tied down for any reason. Left to my own devices I need something to keep my mind occupied. I often fall into the realm of the past.

I will go over and over the same memories scouring them for more information. This is both helpful and not helpful. I have managed to accept a few of the tragedies that occurred during my lifetime. For example, the death of my friend C. whom I used to work with when my husband and I lived in Indiana. For a long time I could not face the fact that C. was gone. One of his favorite shows was My Name Is Earl. I have watched that show religiously for the past two years. It got canceled at the end of last season. When I realized the show was gone I felt like my friend had died all over again. I think I had put off accepting his death as long as I had a little memorial of him to hang onto. At first I thought I would be devastated. Yet, after a few more weeks I realized that I remember him joyfully. I am still sad he's gone, but I have accepted that it happened. Somehow putting my grief into something he cared about helped move me forward on that issue. So, that's just an example. It's minor compared to some of the other things I've been through (deaths in the family and more personal issues that I do not feel comfortable sharing in this rather public forum).

I have an overactive brain and when it doesn't have enough to do it seeks out all sorts of notions to churn over. On the one hand, it's good to have the time to process things (like C.'s death) that I put aside when I was too busy. On the other, I just feel like I have way too much free time. I really need a job again . . .

Spring Cleaning

I was planning to go to the gym this morning. Instead I got my workout doing spring cleaning. My muscles are much more sore than they usually are after a gym workout. I guess climbing on counters and step stools to dust cupboards and trim will do that to you. The amazing thing is I am nowhere near done with the cleaning. Although, I think I have cleaned the dirtiest spots in the house.

In my psychology class last week I was surprised by another student. We will call her K. K is about my age and bright. She is more of a follower than a leader type, but she's a regular girl. She's mildly earthy in that cocktail waitress sort of way. I met her in class my first day and so far I like her. She is definitely not generic. Last week I sat in my usual spot. I mean, I thought it was my usual spot. It turned out that someone had moved all the chairs around and I confused my usual spot with another spot. Consequently, I did not sit next to K like I ordinarily do. K sat in her usual spot. When our teacher, we'll call her Bobblehead, announced the beginning of class K raised her hand to ask a question. I should have mentioned that we received back some papers and a recent exam all graded.

K asked, "To get the full 10 points on my papers do I need to have no errors of grammatical?"

Bobblehead appeared not to comprehend the question. Understandably. After a moment Bobblehead told K that grammatical errors would reduce the grade.

I did not want to laugh at K. She's a nice girl and I like her. But I was rather shocked that any student would think she would not be downgraded for grammatical mistakes in a paper. In my college days I learned quickly not to split infinitives, splice commas, or dangle participles. Nobody got away with that kind of funny stuff at the 'Dale.

I know I am attending a community college now. I know the standards and requirements are less than the effort I accustomed myself to back in the day (I feel like a dinosaur). Still, I could not help but want to make this story into a funny anecdote to tell other intellectuals -- or to tell myself as the case may be.

Later in class we had to gather in groups and write a sentence to define something we were supposed to be learning that day. The sentence that my group constructed included a big fat dangling participle. I pointed this out and suggested we change it. I received blank stares from my classmates and some muttering about having no memory of such complex matters.

In conclusion, I think I will not make the "errors of grammatical" story into a funny anecdote to add to my repertoire. I think I will just let it slide. I am relieved that I can still get good grades if I keep to the established grammatical rules.

Question Mark

Every year I get a little excited about what movies/actors/actresses will end up on the Oscars nomination list. One of my favorite things to do is count how many of the movies on that list I have seen. For 2008 the sum total is three. I have only seen three Oscar worthy films this past year.

The first was Hellboy II: The Golden Army. It is a favorite of mine and was nominated for makeup. The second was The Dark Knight. Again, it was nominated mainly for technical awards. They had to wave a Best Supporting Actor at Heath Ledger, considering it was his last performance. I am going to take a guess and say they will not give that Oscar to him. The third movie on my list would be Kung Fu Panda.

All I can say about the Oscars situation this year is, well, question mark? It looks like your typical early 1990s lineup to me. *gasp* The '90s are back "in." My life has surely been ruined. Or, at least my theatre life for the next 4 years has been ruined. The only thing I will have the opportunity to see on the big screen are melodrmatic jerks prancing about offering heavy-handed messages of environmentalism and some sort of morality mutated from angst over and apologetics for them thar bigots out there who nobody knows. Smoking and using plastic bags to carry your groceries home are the only two evils we recognize as a society. (Aside: Germs are also problematic and let it be known that plastic bags keep many harmful germs off your food.) It's pretty tough to make those two evils into an interesting story.

I admit I do enjoy the previews for movies that I would never watch as well as the reviews. My favorite preview of the year was from Frost/Nixon. Was it just me, or did the actor portray Nixon as having a high-falutin' British accent? What kind of a joke is that? Nixon was about as far from pretentious as you can get. He was a crook who got caught -- unlike his predecessors who often were pretentious. Of course, I didn't see the movie. Neither do I plan to. And, for once, I may not even bother to watch the Oscars.

Edit: I just noticed that Iron Man was nominated for two technical awards. I did see Iron Man.

The Funny Thing Is . . .

I remember a year ago people were telling me why I shouldn't care about the economy and why we didn't need a candidate who understood the economy. I was rooting for Ron Paul along with all the other crazies who know something about economics. I listened to so many people dismiss the economy as an unimportant issue. It's only a year later.

Ah, the irony.

Blame Feminism

I am grateful to the feminist movement for paving the way for women in the workforce. If I couldn't go out of the home and work I'd be bored, angry and probably alone. I don't think anyone would want to be around me. My mind is just too active to be content at home. Feminism has benefited the treatment of women overall. Yet there is one area of the feminist movement that's a big pet peeve of mine.

This may sound shallow but I am an attractive woman. I am pretty, insightful, funny, and intelligent. I like to dress up without overdoing it. Nobody of the male sex ever tells me I look nice or have a cute top on or my necklace is pretty. At least, not unless I fish for the compliment and I don't do that because it's immature. People tend to laugh at my jokes (the less obscure ones). People seem to like me. So, that's all okay. When I am out in public I attract quite a few looks and some catcalls or comments from gross-looking alpha males -- and not gross-looking ones -- who I don't even know. This gets old. Really. Fast. On the one hand I am mildly flattered that they noticed I'm good looking. On the other I would prefer some respect. This may not sound like much of a dilemma, but hear me out.

It seems that in this crazy, mixed-up world it's okay for a man to make a gross sexual comment to an attractive woman. However, it is not okay for him to tell a female friend that she looks nice today or something more benign. This frustrates me to no end. I mean, not that I don't get enough compliments from Craig and not that my self-esteem depends entirely on my looks. But, you know, if I have to hear the offensive comments it would be nice to have them balanced with the thoughts of nice guys. I blame 1990s feminism for this problem. It was then that compliments became sexual harassment. Someone should have climbed up on a soapbox 15 years ago and reminded the world that sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. The same goes for compliments.

Awkward . . .

So, this morning I was in the shower and I heard some loud thumps. I didn't think anything of the noise because our upstairs neighbors are about the loudest people you can imagine. They walk around like elephants, have screaming, yelling fistfights in the middle of the night and sometimes drop articles of clothing onto our deck. Naturally I assumed the thumps came from above me. After I finished my shower and toweled off I realized that there were some noises coming from inside my apartment. Scary. I knew that maintenance might send in a crew to patch up a plaster hole in our ceiling. I hoped that the intruder would be just one small immigrant being paid to do a job that Americans won't do. Several small immigrants laughing at the unprepared resident and speaking a language I don't know would have been a bit too much. I was wondering if I should peek out of the bathroom or just wait until the person was gone.

Then it occurred to me that if someone was robbing my apartment I would not want them to find me naked in the bathroom on their way through to check the medicine cabinet for controlled substances. I had brought my pajamas with me into the bathroom -- no I don't always do that. So, I got dressed in the pjs quickly and opened the door.

It was just the dumbest evar maintenance guy patching the plaster on our ceiling. Any of the other maintenance guys would have noticed the sound of the shower running and come back later. I had been all set to say, "What the hell are you doing in my apartment?!" With outrage. But seeing that young idiot all I could muster was a confused, "Hello?"

Yes, he apologized, claimed he thought no one was home, and finished quickly. Then he left. Yeah. Awkward.