Recently, my thoughts have revolved around the fact that I am a jobless person. Nothing I can do will automatically give me a job. I cannot make someone hire me, just as I cannot make God force someone to hire me. All I can do is apply and apply and apply. I can be certain that my applications sound like something an employer would want, I can craftily tailor my coverletters to the specific job requirements and hiring personnel. But I cannot force the hand of another person, I cannot control the mind and will of God.
Everything I have done these last few months has focused upon my job search. That is probably why I have grown increasingly impersonable upon this blog. My politics has once again been a source of comfort and a place of hiding. Naturally, this has not been a fulfilling way in which to lead my life. Thus, I have made a decision.
I have decided that I am going to spend all this extra time doing the things I have always wanted to do. I am going to get my life in better order and I am going to learn some things I have always wanted to learn. Here are some things I would like to change:
1. Keep up on my workout times.
2. Get up early in the mornings (I am a morning person by nature, but I used to work third shift so I let my sleeping schedule change and now I have a hard time getting up before 10am).
3. Go to the library to do research at least once a week. Take the time to write a really good research paper.
4. Learn Calculus and brush up on my Algebra.
That's all really. I have extra time to do these things right now and I am not using that time for anything. I just mope around about the fact that I am unemployed. I apply for jobs and that makes me feel like I have accomplished something, yet that only stems my continual focus upon the problem that continues to thwart all my attempts to fix it. I cannot solve this myself for it is larger than I am. I have not the resources. I am only human. The most that I can do is apply for jobs and let my focus rest upon God and His saving grace. He will have to do the rest.
I am sure that I will have bad days when my stress overwhelms me. Until I am employed the problem is a problem and will not go away. However, I do not have to look at it all the time and let it overwhelm me every day. Instead I can let God handle it, because He has always been the one in charge, even when I did not acknowledge that fact.