Not In Control

If you know me well then you know I hate not being in control of my own situation. Of course, probably very few people know that. I generally hide that fact. It's a fear thing. How many of us run around proclaiming our fears to others? Ha, just me and I know it's probably a bad idea.

So, today I was driving to work. I was watching far ahead of myself and traveling toward a green light. I suddenly realized the car in front of me had stopped. I braked. I stopped in plenty of time with almost a whole car length between me and the stopped vehicle. I am not a tailgater. Woot for defensive driving tactics. Anyway, I thought it was strange that so many cars were lined up behind a green light not moving. I checked my mirror and saw that the car behind me had managed to stop as well. I thanked my lucky stars. Suddenly I heard a crunching sound behind me. My car was still, but the crunching sounded loud. I looked in my mirror again and saw that three cars back some idiot had not been able to stop in time. He rear-ended the next car which rear-ended the car behind me. Which was coming straight at me. I quickly moved forward to give the guy room. Lucky again. I didn't get hit. Traffic started moving. I thought about stopping even though I was one minute late to work. I saw a cop pulling over to the accident. Plus all three cars were pulling onto the side of the road to get out of the way of traffic. I guess nobody could have been too hurt.

It was weird. I've been very shook up all day. It just reminded me of how little control I have over people around me. My reflexes are good. But I always think there will come a time when they won't be good enough. Or maybe, when I'll be the car right in front of the idiot who couldn't stop. I have always been able to avoid car accidents -- lessened the impact of the one I was actually in by acting quickly. What will I do when I can't stop something like that from happening? Knowing me I will replay it in my head until I become OCD about the fact that I couldn't do anything to prevent it. I'm like Superman or something . . .

All Good Things Must Be Remembered

I dedicate this post to my blogging buddy Little Cicero. In three days his blog will expire (according to his statement, not mine).

LC, as I call him, has been a worthy blog friend for several years now. I still remember his first comment on my blog. I remember laughing at it. After a couple more similar comments I began to think I would never be rid of this annoying, highschool boy. Perhaps because I am too nice a person, perhaps because I attempt to see the good points in everyone -- I don't know -- I linked to LC's blog. I kept up with his writings and commented. I never directly said anything insulting. Over time I began to realize that my first impression of LC's comment missed the story by a lot. Yes, he is young. Yes, he has no problems with self confidence. However, he is also a very thoughtful young man with a pretty good head on his shoulders. LC is always willing to listen to the opinions of others. But he doesn't change his mind with every comment from a passer-by. He holds to his convictions. He argues in favor of them. He modifies them at times. He is a worthy writer. He puts his heart into his writings whether they are correct or not.

I am sorry to see him go. Very sorry. I know, he's still going to be around reading and lurking. But I will miss his writings on his own blog. I will miss his philosophy rants even though I generally disagree with them. I will miss his jokes. I will miss the long comment arguments he managed to spark from time to time. I have known few people as thoughtful and introspective as LC. I appreciate his sensitivity to his readers even when they are morons. I predict one day he will be someone great. Maybe not well known -- in anything other than a George Bailey sort of way -- but he will definitely give back to his community and world.

Here's to you my fine friend. *raises glass* Only you can't have any, you're not old enough to drink.

My 25% Latino Makes All The Difference

I just discovered this blog about Stuff White People Like. I have not been so amused in a long time. It's all so true and so hilarious. I am reminded of many of my white acquaintances at the very white college I attended. I guess I fall into the category of the "wrong kind of white people." Because I only like a few things on the blog and for totally different reasons than those given.

I Was Wrong

. . . and I'm not upset about that. David Cook is 2008's American Idol. So totally awesome.

I Predict The Finale

I think that David Archuleta will win American Idol this year. Why? Because he's a baby-faced 17 year old who appeals to all the teenage girls out there. Besides that he's a little emo and has a gorgeous voice. He's just the right kid at the right time. Personally I find his performances somewhat painful to watch. He always looks like he's about to choke or collapse because he is so dang nervous. He does always hit the notes spot on, I'll give him that. After each performance I wait for him to say something about "world peace" or "people who are worse off." He's like a little blue-eyed, bleeding-heart broken record -- plus he cries on stage after every performance. Not that I have anything against people who care about such issues. I care about things like that. I am not dumb enough to think one person singing a song is going to change much, however. And little David is. He just works well in an appearance oriented world on an appearance oriented television show (to which I admit I am addicted).

If things went my way David Cook would win. I doubt that will happen. He's already a rockstar as far as I can tell. He is comfortable with himself and comfortable on stage. He has a versatile voice. He can sing off-key and it sounds beautiful. David Cook has the harder, grittier, bluesier side to rock music down pat. His performances are mesmerizing because he never goofs up. Sometimes he picks a crappy song. Sometimes he seems a little arrogant. But he puts every foot in the right place and every facial expression works. Cook has only cried once and it was after one of his more stunning performances. He is always sincere and he likes to change things up, try new things and take risks. That's how he made it to the top two. He knows himself well and will take the risks necessary to prove that. I don't think he has any vague ideas about what he's doing. He is having fun rocking out and he's got personality to boot. I think that if he loses tonight -- and he will -- he will have a recording contract underway in no time. I would totally go to his concert. I'll buy his cd. I can't say the same for his opponent (about the concert and cd, not the recording contract).

So, you know what I'll be doing this evening. What are your plans?

I Have To Write A Blog Post

I have been working on a thoughtful post for several days. Here's hoping I finish it sometime soon and post it. In the meantime let me fill you in on how my life is going.

I am still waiting for the stupid bank to sell me the house I want. They take forever and a day.

I am reading that book "What Color Is Your Parachute?" and doing all the exercises. I decided it's time I figure out what I want to be now that I'm all grown up. Jumping from job idea to job idea just isn't working for me. I want to figure out what will keep my interest for at least 10 or 15 years. So, I'm doing a lot of thinking and processing. I have been thinking about grad school for a while. But I really want to take a step back and make sure that's where I want to go. The only problem with this process is the time it takes. I have the patience of Job when it comes to everyone else, but not for myself. Far too much of a perfectionist, I guess.

I am reading John Scalzi's "The Android's Dream" and it is funny.

In Smallville news the season finale was this past week. Guess what! Lana's gone! I have never been happier. She exited Clark's life. It was actually kind of sad and anticlimactic the way they broke up. I had always wanted her to get eaten by a White Martian. So much for dreams coming true . . .

Election what? I don't know what you're talking about? I haven't been keeping up because I have no interest in any of the candidates. Also, wtf is John McCain talking about global warming and how he's not going to abandon the cause when the value of our dollar is sinking down the toilet? I mean, people. Perspective. Puhleeze. Global warming is caused by the earth's core heating up and sunspot activity. I don't think taking a few cars off the road are going to change that. Science is such a lost art.

Oh yes, and my car broke down this past week. Fortunately, it was a small problem and it didn't cost much to fix.

Last week my church had a long term ministry planning workshop and it was kind of cool. I made a couple new friends (finally). So, yay for me on that. The news isn't all bad. See.

Back to work now.

It Seemed Relevant

I found this interesting article on women's mental health issues. It seemed relevant and excellent. Society has a way of stigmatizing women that is often ignored. It's nice to hear a positive message once in a while.

I'll leave you on that note with an inspiring quotation:

After awhile you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul, And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning and company doesn't mean security, And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises, And you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes open, with the grace of an adult, not the grief of a child, And you learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans. After awhile you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much. So plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. And you learn that you really can endure... that you really are strong, that you really do have worth.

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