Sunday, January 13, 2008

Crisis of Faith

There's something about being young and involved in politics that you can never get back once you've passed the age of 25. The enthusiasm I felt when I was in highschool and much of college has flown away on the winds of time. I look at kids these days, the ones who are into politics, and I wonder where they get their passion. I know I don't feel that strongly about political involvement anymore.

I have done a lot of work this past year for Dr. Paul, but it was very much head oriented rather than heart. In my head I know we should not be this in debt as a country. I do not want government funded health care. I think that redistribution of wealth is immoral. I consider the Iraq War to be too similar to the Clinton era "world police" position of the U.S. The store of arguments I have about my political ideas are almost solely intellectual and come from years of study. Did you know I did far more to get George W. Bush elected then I did to get Ron Paul the nomination? I am neither proud nor ashamed of this fact. It happened. George W. Bush will always hold that special place of being my favorite political candidate of all time. It's not that I think he's done a great job. I simply no longer have the same sense of devotion as I had for my party and my party leader during his first campaign for president. I can look at GWB and see the things he has done wrong. But I also see something else.

I see a kid with a lot of hopes and dreams wanting to do everything in her power to elect the person she thought was the best. I see a rally with a thousand people pushing me up against a stage while I reached up to shake the hand of the man I knew would win the presidency and do his best for my country. This is why I cannot hate Bush, why I never will. His 2000 race for the presidency was the funnest political moment of my life. I was motivated to pass out literature, call people, go to rallies (2, in fact) and talk about my beliefs -- which weren't very developed -- nonstop.

Is it any wonder that I have wanted to leave the Republican Party for the last four years? I just don't feel into it anymore. I want to help make government better. But I don't feel purposeful like I once did. Perhaps it's all just a maturation process. We grow older, we don't care about the things we cared about when we were young. I am still very interested in politics, I am just not caught up in them anymore. This might be a good thing. Now I can finally remove myself back from my own arguments and consider whether they are logical or not. Still, it makes me feel lost. To remember the way I once was and wonder why I have no motivation anymore is difficult. What changed me? Was it just growing older? Or was it realizing that I don't know everything? I don't know what's best for the country and I even picked a candidate to support who wasn't what's best. Is it just that I have learned to doubt myself?

If I had the answer I would give it. As it is, I now understand that I can only get anywhere by motivating myself. It's hard work to take the steps in life which I think are necessary for me. I have always been proud of my ability to self-motivate. But I think much of that was based on my somewhat irrational, youthful drive to make my dreams come true. So, I guess I have work to do. And no, this whole rant does not pertain only to politics.


KreativeMix said...

pretty interesting!!!

Amber said...

I feel this way too. Although not about politics, I've never truly been able to get into them. But about a lot of things I used to be passionate about...It is very disconcerting.

Tracy said...

I think there's a natural feeling that changes can be made simply by getting involved...and passion drives our involvement for change.

As I grow older I see fewer things are changed by movements but more often by reacting to a catastrophe. I think movements are worthwhile to join to provide a base of people to be a voice of reason in the face of the panic.

I stay involved now for different reasons but like you...I do it with my head in spite of how my heart feels. No crisis of faith...we're just smarter and in it for the long haul.

Esther said...

Thank you Tracy. I think I needed to hear that.