Crisis of Faith

There's something about being young and involved in politics that you can never get back once you've passed the age of 25. The enthusiasm I felt when I was in highschool and much of college has flown away on the winds of time. I look at kids these days, the ones who are into politics, and I wonder where they get their passion. I know I don't feel that strongly about political involvement anymore.

I have done a lot of work this past year for Dr. Paul, but it was very much head oriented rather than heart. In my head I know we should not be this in debt as a country. I do not want government funded health care. I think that redistribution of wealth is immoral. I consider the Iraq War to be too similar to the Clinton era "world police" position of the U.S. The store of arguments I have about my political ideas are almost solely intellectual and come from years of study. Did you know I did far more to get George W. Bush elected then I did to get Ron Paul the nomination? I am neither proud nor ashamed of this fact. It happened. George W. Bush will always hold that special place of being my favorite political candidate of all time. It's not that I think he's done a great job. I simply no longer have the same sense of devotion as I had for my party and my party leader during his first campaign for president. I can look at GWB and see the things he has done wrong. But I also see something else.

I see a kid with a lot of hopes and dreams wanting to do everything in her power to elect the person she thought was the best. I see a rally with a thousand people pushing me up against a stage while I reached up to shake the hand of the man I knew would win the presidency and do his best for my country. This is why I cannot hate Bush, why I never will. His 2000 race for the presidency was the funnest political moment of my life. I was motivated to pass out literature, call people, go to rallies (2, in fact) and talk about my beliefs -- which weren't very developed -- nonstop.

Is it any wonder that I have wanted to leave the Republican Party for the last four years? I just don't feel into it anymore. I want to help make government better. But I don't feel purposeful like I once did. Perhaps it's all just a maturation process. We grow older, we don't care about the things we cared about when we were young. I am still very interested in politics, I am just not caught up in them anymore. This might be a good thing. Now I can finally remove myself back from my own arguments and consider whether they are logical or not. Still, it makes me feel lost. To remember the way I once was and wonder why I have no motivation anymore is difficult. What changed me? Was it just growing older? Or was it realizing that I don't know everything? I don't know what's best for the country and I even picked a candidate to support who wasn't what's best. Is it just that I have learned to doubt myself?

If I had the answer I would give it. As it is, I now understand that I can only get anywhere by motivating myself. It's hard work to take the steps in life which I think are necessary for me. I have always been proud of my ability to self-motivate. But I think much of that was based on my somewhat irrational, youthful drive to make my dreams come true. So, I guess I have work to do. And no, this whole rant does not pertain only to politics.