Good At Math

The color green is said to be soothing. It's true, it is. I always feel better after gazing at lush, green trees. What better color to use to write a rant then?

I suppose my faithful readers must be wondering if I still exist. Yes, I do. I have had very little time to write in the past few months. I am working part time and doing school part time. Which brings me to my subject.

My stupid trig teacher gave me a D-. This means I have to retake the class. I always thought I was good at math. Now I am not so sure. Of course, it is difficult to tell when the teacher can only speak (very) broken English and fails to teach anything about the subject. All he really said was "Is easy for you!" or "Need more practice" or "More practice, good for you!" None of these sentences helped me understand what the sine of 45 degrees is.

Other students told me that they had failed all the man's tests and not done all their homework yet they still got an A or B+. His curve was described as "wicked." I guess I was at the bottom of the curve then.

I am pretty much spitting mad now.

So, I'll write more later about what's going on in my life. Maybe.

Too Much Time

Lately I have discovered I have a problem. It's called free time. I listen to other people talk about free time and how they don't have enough of it and they always want more of it. I just can't identify with that mindset. I have way too much free time. Growing up my Aunt P. would have "found" me "something to do" if I had complained of being bored. She was not a fan of the word "bored" or any form it can take. That was one of those quirks that I loved her for. However, the problem is not that I am bored or that I do not have enough to do. I cook, I clean, I job hunt. I hope against hope that I will be able to afford classes this semester.

No, the real problem is that I think too much. My brain cannot stop ruminating. It can get intense. The longer I have no intellectual pursuits the worse it becomes. This is certainly not that I condemn thinking or being an intellectual. Just that when I spend too much time alone with no intellectual pursuits I begin to lose some of my logic and rationality. It makes it more difficult for me to write (blog). I won't use the word crazy, but sometimes I feel like climbing walls. I simply cannot be tied down for any reason. Left to my own devices I need something to keep my mind occupied. I often fall into the realm of the past.

I will go over and over the same memories scouring them for more information. This is both helpful and not helpful. I have managed to accept a few of the tragedies that occurred during my lifetime. For example, the death of my friend C. whom I used to work with when my husband and I lived in Indiana. For a long time I could not face the fact that C. was gone. One of his favorite shows was My Name Is Earl. I have watched that show religiously for the past two years. It got canceled at the end of last season. When I realized the show was gone I felt like my friend had died all over again. I think I had put off accepting his death as long as I had a little memorial of him to hang onto. At first I thought I would be devastated. Yet, after a few more weeks I realized that I remember him joyfully. I am still sad he's gone, but I have accepted that it happened. Somehow putting my grief into something he cared about helped move me forward on that issue. So, that's just an example. It's minor compared to some of the other things I've been through (deaths in the family and more personal issues that I do not feel comfortable sharing in this rather public forum).

I have an overactive brain and when it doesn't have enough to do it seeks out all sorts of notions to churn over. On the one hand, it's good to have the time to process things (like C.'s death) that I put aside when I was too busy. On the other, I just feel like I have way too much free time. I really need a job again . . .

To Whom It May Concern

I have never let my blog slide for this long before. The last month and a half was extremely busy and in some ways difficult for me.

I started working full time at an enormous company. It was a temp job though and they ran out of work for me. Now I am back to sitting on my bum, doing homework, and cleaning the house until they can find me some more work. Boredom is frustrating for me, so I hope I start working again soon. The job schedule I was working was about perfect for me. Hence, more frustration at losing it.

My grandmother passed away during my first two weeks of working full time and I was unable to attend the memorial service, it being in another state and me just starting my job and all. That was a bummer.

I had a wonderful vacation in Michigan for one week. It wasn't all fun and games since I was the matron of honor in a friend's wedding. Actually, it was all fun. For our anniversary Craig and I swore off doing wedding prep work and went to Lake Michigan for a day. It was great.

Now I am back home and working on a relatively huge decision. I am thinking that I might go back to school full time and work some sort of evening shift. I have put together a tentative class schedule. Of course, I take forever to make important decisions like this. So, that's where I am right now.

New Perspective

This article on race relations in today's America intrigued me. The author has taken a courageous stand in pointing out how the legislative attitude toward civil rights is no longer beneficial. His work could be easily missunderstood -- which acounts for the length and apologetic tone of the article. But he says what needs to be said. Looking for places of hidden racism is not going to find jobs, education, and opportunity for those in impoverished neighborhoods. We need to focus on community solutions to the persistent problems of inequality and stop overemphasizing overt racists. It's time to give our attention to positive efforts.

Days Of My Lives

1) I watched Wolverine about a week after it came into theaters. There is one good thing about this movie and it's really more for chicks than for guys. Hugh Jackman makes an awesome action hero. Too bad his lines and character totally sucked. Actually, most of the movie sucked. The storyline was roughly nonexistant, characters who should have died came back to life, Wolverine angsted his life away over mistakes he did not actually make, and a few random characters had a few lines each. Not to mention Wolverine was a complete moron. He seemed incapable of anticipating his brother (Victor). From the start Victor was insanely jealous, unstable, and ruthless. Wolverine persisted in believing he was a decent guy all the way to the end of the movie. It was dumb. I could not suspend my unbelief while watching the movie.

2) Star Trek was perfect. The cast did a wonderful job portraying the beloved characters from the original series. They had all the mannerisms and personalities down to a t. The plot was exciting and the action kept me on the very edge of my seat. I was happy to see that Hollywood can still make a good epic type action movie once in a while. I also enjoyed some of the additions to characters. For example, the relationship between Spock and Uhura was a great touch. I also enjoyed the fact that Chekov was more than just a side character. Dr. McCoy was great. He may in fact have been the most well cast character in the entire movie. I only wish he had been in a few more scenes. I definitely loved the part where he gets Kirk onto the Enterprise. It was classic. I cannot recommend this movie enough to fan and Star Trek ignoramous alike.

3) I did okay on my finals. I got an A in the class that I thought I would get an A in. In my other class I passed. I will need to take some more preliminary math courses before I go on to Calculus, but I got a higher grade then I expected. I would like to know for sure that I understand what's going on when I get to Calc, however.

4) I have an algebra course to take this summer and wedding to be a part of. It should be a good summer. I am planning to do a lot of work on my yard and garden areas. Landscaping, you know. It seems kind of mundane and domestic, but I am excited to have a pretty yard. I have never had a yard of my own before.

5) There are loud people in my house playing Risk right now. I wanted to hang out with a friend or two this evening, but everyone is busy. It is kind of impossible for me to see friends lately and it's getting totally frustrating. I suppose that's life, but I keep trying and trying and getting nos for answers. It's old. That's all I have to say. Maybe I should stop being so nice or something.

6) I am doing some writing in my spare time. It's okay. Not going along as well as I hoped, but any work is good.

Finding Myself

As usual I have many ideas to write about and no time to write them. In fact, right now I should be studying. My finals are next week. However, before finals I have a chapter exam in each class. That means I have four exams in the next two weeks, three of them are in one week. I remember a time when this would have seemed like a drop in the bucket to me. But things have changed. I have a life now. Going back to school is quite a challenge. Still, it's what I want and I want to excel. Or, at least, I want to get a C. My pre-calc course is tough, but I think I'm going to pass. As for my other class, it's kind of a breeze. I have hardly felt challenged at all by it and have spent most class periods enjoying the discussion among the other students. God bless them, but they are not like the kids I knew during my first undergrad. Community Colleges just don't bring in the super intellectuals. Which is okay. I should learn to co-exist with average, typical people.

I ramble.

As I was saying, I am here amid piles of homework and other nonsense. I have picked up an old hobby I used to enjoy. Namely, I find myself baking many, well, baked goods. I perfected a gluten free scones recipe. I have finally made a good gluten free pie crust. I made some cookies too. And yes, I have gained a few pounds. I am also a happier person. There are many reasons I dropped my baking hobby over the last ten years or so. One of them was the difficulty involved in gluten free cooking and baking. Lately my interest in making gluten free baked goods that taste good and have good texture has grown. If I did not want to be a Physician Assistant and if I was totally crazy I'd try selling bake goods to coffee shops. But, like, I'm afraid that people would like them too much and I wouldn't have time for anything else. I want to finish my education (again).

Let me just say that in two weeks I will have some breathing time. I hope to post on several subjects of interest. I knew school would interfere with my time and blogging desire. Bear with me. In the meantime, The House Between is a great independent web tv series I have enjoyed. You have to download Veoh tv to watch it, but it's worth the effort. I expect The House Between will find it's way into my links list on the sidebar (which needs updating) as soon as I get a chance to do some blog maintenance.

Spring Cleaning

I was planning to go to the gym this morning. Instead I got my workout doing spring cleaning. My muscles are much more sore than they usually are after a gym workout. I guess climbing on counters and step stools to dust cupboards and trim will do that to you. The amazing thing is I am nowhere near done with the cleaning. Although, I think I have cleaned the dirtiest spots in the house.

In my psychology class last week I was surprised by another student. We will call her K. K is about my age and bright. She is more of a follower than a leader type, but she's a regular girl. She's mildly earthy in that cocktail waitress sort of way. I met her in class my first day and so far I like her. She is definitely not generic. Last week I sat in my usual spot. I mean, I thought it was my usual spot. It turned out that someone had moved all the chairs around and I confused my usual spot with another spot. Consequently, I did not sit next to K like I ordinarily do. K sat in her usual spot. When our teacher, we'll call her Bobblehead, announced the beginning of class K raised her hand to ask a question. I should have mentioned that we received back some papers and a recent exam all graded.

K asked, "To get the full 10 points on my papers do I need to have no errors of grammatical?"

Bobblehead appeared not to comprehend the question. Understandably. After a moment Bobblehead told K that grammatical errors would reduce the grade.

I did not want to laugh at K. She's a nice girl and I like her. But I was rather shocked that any student would think she would not be downgraded for grammatical mistakes in a paper. In my college days I learned quickly not to split infinitives, splice commas, or dangle participles. Nobody got away with that kind of funny stuff at the 'Dale.

I know I am attending a community college now. I know the standards and requirements are less than the effort I accustomed myself to back in the day (I feel like a dinosaur). Still, I could not help but want to make this story into a funny anecdote to tell other intellectuals -- or to tell myself as the case may be.

Later in class we had to gather in groups and write a sentence to define something we were supposed to be learning that day. The sentence that my group constructed included a big fat dangling participle. I pointed this out and suggested we change it. I received blank stares from my classmates and some muttering about having no memory of such complex matters.

In conclusion, I think I will not make the "errors of grammatical" story into a funny anecdote to add to my repertoire. I think I will just let it slide. I am relieved that I can still get good grades if I keep to the established grammatical rules.

A Day In The Life . . .

Going back to school is hard work. I spend a lot of time studying although I am only taking two classes. That is partly because I want to get a good grade and partly because Precalculas is higher math and requires many hours of study to grasp. It would help if my algebra were not so rusty. Sometimes I will be doing a math problem and I will get to a point where I realize that I do not know what to do next. Not because I'm dumb, but because I forgot the next algebraic rule that I needed to remember to keep going. It is times like those that I am thankful for partial credit.

Other things that take up my time are work. I am working at a flower shop. You would not believe the amount of work that goes into getting people their pretty flowers. Those arrangements are worth the high prices, let me tell you. However, I do not intend to speak much of work because I am always cautious about that sort of thing. Suffice it to say I enjoy my job and no, I do not design flower arrangements.

Today I am supposed to do laundry. Actually, yesterday I was supposed to do laundry. Actually, actually, I was supposed to do laundry at the end of last week. Having a washer and dryer in my own home helps, but having to study for multiple tests and keep up with other house cleaning does not help.

I recently wrote the first draft of a short story. Do not ask me how I had time for that. I intend to revise it and get some second opinions. Then maybe I will send the story out to a magazine or something to see about publishing. A little supplemental income would be nice.

I have come up with dozens of rants to write. Taking an Intro to Psychology course with a whole lot of regular people gives me so much material. I simply have little time to write my rants. But as I am sure you are all anxious to hear them I will try to get some written. Also, my holiday monkey Neville seems to have gone missing. That's why I have not announced the Neville Chamberlain award for 2008. I have sent a sleuth known as Detective Scorch (he's a Ty Beanie Baby dragon and charges very high prices for his PI skills) in search of Neville and hope to post the award before the year is half over.

In other news the weather was getting nice and it turned nasty again. I wish spring would stop teasing us Iowans.

A Perfect Analogy

If you're feeling outraged about the stupid government giving money to people who have totally screwed up I recommend you read this (it's a short analogy, so it won't take up much time). It will make you laugh for a while. Then you can get back to crying when you realize how true the analogy is.

What Heros Are Not Made Of

Lights, camera, action. An explosion like a blossom opens into the sky showering the world with debris. There is fire and noise and smoke. The heat of the explosion, you can almost feel it. Except, you're sitting in a cozy, butt-forming chair with your head leaning against the head rest of luxury cinema seating. So, you cannot actually feel the warmth. In fact, it's quite cold around you. That's why you brought your sweater. It is always cold at the theater.

I am as much an action movie fan as the next person. Believe me. I like the spectacular explosions because they are not real so nobody got hurt. Unfortunately, the rest of the movie is not real either. Or should I say fortunately? I have come to a few conclusions about society and movies which I would like to share. Since this is where I spout off, well, just hear me out.

The word hero immediately conjures the image of the current version of a hero. Some total bada$$ with a need to save hundreds of people from certain death. Just because. Well, because he's damn cool and kinda ruthless and a badguy and women like him. Oddly enough, he has not noticed the fact that he has no life and no friends and no reason to want to save people and he's a stereotype. I think if you were to ask most people who their hero was they would not mention someone they know who blows things up and always has a snappy comeback before leaving to let others bag the bodies. No, they would probably mention a friend or relative who helped them through a tough time. I would talk about my husband because he has supported me through all of the changes I've made over the past year and a half -- despite the fact that some of those changes were inconvenient to him. An abused child might bring up the teacher or friend who gave him the courage to go to the authorities. An alcoholic might remember the friends or relatives who pushed her into rehab even after she messed up their lives.

What am I talking about? Am I seriously saying that heros are everyday people? That's so cliche. Isn't it? I do not think so. Because for every one of those small time heros there's a person who would not have done the same. Let me compare two fictional people who wanted to achieve greatness. Perhaps you can judge which of them was more of a hero.

Person No. 1 is Batman, portrayed so brilliantly in the recent flicks. He's obviously a special guy given everything from day one, but deciding to learn what he can despite his privilege. We see him use his money and power for good although it would be so easy to do otherwise (right?). He goes out at night and rescuses people from common criminals. He makes the world a better place and by the way he has a really cool car. No one quite notices the fact that his life is empty with no family or close friends. I mean, he's out doing cool things all the time, why should we care that he's all alone? Surely, the cool things must be more fulfilling than human interaction. Surely, depriving himself of human brotherhood must be working for him.

Person No. 2 is George Bailey from the Christmas movie It's a Wonderful Life. He's just an ordinary guy with dreams who grew up in a loving, supportive family. We watch George as he is trapped doing a job he hates in a town he wants to leave, surrounded by his friends and family whom he kinda takes for granted. At the same time he's all about doing good things for the people around him. George does not allow his complaints about the life he's had change the fact that he's a caring, compassionate person willing to sacrifice for others -- even to the detriment of his own reputation. It is not until the end of the film that life's frustrations build to a head and George finds himself angry at everything he loves. He is about to be ruined as far as he can tell. Despite the fact that he has given his all no one seems to have come through for him. And then it happens. They all show up at his house and promise to help him no matter what the cost. Heavenly intervention aside, a person cannot help but tear up at that ending. Or at least, I can't and I've seen that movie almost once a year since I was a young child.

It's clear to you that I think George Bailey is the true hero between the two characters. Perhaps it is because I too have delusions of grandeur. I would like to be a cool, loner like Batman. But I don't want to miss out on the greatest part of life. I don't want to miss out on companionship, family, and the connection that comes when an ordinary person helps another ordinary person in need. A cool car and an explosion are unneccessary for courage. Courage is just the simple will to live in the moment showing compassion to everyone you meet. George Bailey will always be a greater symbol of heroism to me than Batman. Not because he destroys evil, but because he nurtures goodness.

It's Never Easy

I have been working hard on my two classes worth of homework, my new job, and keeping my house in some semblence of order for the past month. Hence, I have not had much time to write. Do not worry, I am around and well. I will try to make updates as often as possible given my schedule. You will have to be patient with me. That is, if I have readers still. Comment if you're still here (seriously).

Meme Break

I wrote the following meme for something else and decided I would post it on here to give people something to read. It is 25 random and little known or unusual facts/myths about myself. Feel free to copycat and do the meme with facts/myths about yourself.


1. My husband and I met and got to know one another as friends while he tutored me in college algebra.

2. I have a lot of dreams. No, seriously, I dream all night long and they are incredibly vivid dreams. My subconscious has it's own world with a town that is always the same every time I go through it. The movie theater in the town looks really odd.

3. I have been a fan of Kevin Sorbo ever since "Hercules: The Legendary Journeys." I did not watch the show, but I remember seeing Kevin on an interview where he tossed his head and did this ridiculous hair flip and then talked about how important it was to his image (his hair, not the show). I thought,"This man is funny." I think it would be a riot to meet him someday. Feel free to pass my info along if you happen to know Mr. Sorbo.

4. I have only had one cavity in one tooth ever.

5. I despise broccoli. I always have. I never eat it if I can help it.

6. When I was a kid I always wanted one of those goofy looking trolls with the long, spiked hair of vibrant colors.

7. I am fascinated by dollhouses and hope to build one someday.

8. I have tried many other flavors in latte, but hazelnut is still the best and the only one for me.

9. I believe that buying organic is a big, big consumer scam. Organic just means that something crapped on it and nobody cleaned it off.

10. My favorite historical figure is Ulysses S. Grant. When I was a child I thought he was incredibly brave. When I was a teenager I learned he was actually an alcoholic. Now that I have studied his life I have come to the conclusion that his story is not the story of how a man shaped history. It is the story of how history shaped a man's life. In a sense, it is everyone's story. We put a lot of emphasis on being a "world changer" and an individual. Instead we should pause to think about the history that has made us the way we are. That history was most often made by the little people and embodied by the heroes.

11. I have recently become a fan of Joss Whedon's "Angel."

12. Growing up my favorite books were the Redwall Series by Brian Jacques. I still read them and enjoy the air of familiarity they give me. I especially love the theme of a small creature (usually a mouse) learning to become confident in himself/herself and being heroic.

13. I am self conscious because I am thin -- believe it or not.

14. I love to keep up on scientific news. It's too bad journalism sucks so much these days.

15. Once when I was super-angry at life and the world and I had just got home from work Craig put on a Judas Priest song and I head-banged to the beat and waved the "devil's sign" in the air with both hands. It felt good.

16. I find that acquired tastes often become my favorite foods and beverages. For example, I like avocados, Swiss cheese, Earl Gray Tea, coffee, escargot, and beer -- but not all at the same time.

17. Plum sauce goes with almost everything. At least in my world it does.

18. I don't like to talk unless I am going to amaze everyone around me. This fact is probably not little known.

19. As a child it was my dearest wish to own a tape measure.

20. If you do not know who Gene Roddenberry is then you should find out because he sure as hell didn't have anything to do with Star Wars.

21. I wish that my cell phone was just a phone. I want no text messaging, no camera phone, no random games, no online capabilities. I just want a phone.

22. I could understand Shakespeare's plays when I was 12 years old.

23. Mayonnaise and Dijon mustard are my favorite condiments.

24. I used to be afraid of toilets.

25. I prefer the New American Standard translation of the Bible. It is a higher reading level, yet plain and literal.

Question Mark

Every year I get a little excited about what movies/actors/actresses will end up on the Oscars nomination list. One of my favorite things to do is count how many of the movies on that list I have seen. For 2008 the sum total is three. I have only seen three Oscar worthy films this past year.

The first was Hellboy II: The Golden Army. It is a favorite of mine and was nominated for makeup. The second was The Dark Knight. Again, it was nominated mainly for technical awards. They had to wave a Best Supporting Actor at Heath Ledger, considering it was his last performance. I am going to take a guess and say they will not give that Oscar to him. The third movie on my list would be Kung Fu Panda.

All I can say about the Oscars situation this year is, well, question mark? It looks like your typical early 1990s lineup to me. *gasp* The '90s are back "in." My life has surely been ruined. Or, at least my theatre life for the next 4 years has been ruined. The only thing I will have the opportunity to see on the big screen are melodrmatic jerks prancing about offering heavy-handed messages of environmentalism and some sort of morality mutated from angst over and apologetics for them thar bigots out there who nobody knows. Smoking and using plastic bags to carry your groceries home are the only two evils we recognize as a society. (Aside: Germs are also problematic and let it be known that plastic bags keep many harmful germs off your food.) It's pretty tough to make those two evils into an interesting story.

I admit I do enjoy the previews for movies that I would never watch as well as the reviews. My favorite preview of the year was from Frost/Nixon. Was it just me, or did the actor portray Nixon as having a high-falutin' British accent? What kind of a joke is that? Nixon was about as far from pretentious as you can get. He was a crook who got caught -- unlike his predecessors who often were pretentious. Of course, I didn't see the movie. Neither do I plan to. And, for once, I may not even bother to watch the Oscars.

Edit: I just noticed that Iron Man was nominated for two technical awards. I did see Iron Man.

My Brains Are Smelly

Math stinks. My brain has been steeped in math for the past several days. Therefore, my brains are smelly.

Yes, I started classes. It's going good.

Aside Note: I'm working on my post for the Neville Chamberlain Award. Do not worry, I would not forget to give out my favorite (and only) award of the year.

I Was Right

David Cook was most definitely the right choice for American Idol last year. I am so happy with his music that I feel no compulsion to keep up on the show this year. I think I'll watch some of the early shows and then cut out. Anyway, I'm in school on Tuesdays which is much more fun to watch than the Wednesday show once the contestants get narrowed down.

I took my time getting David Cook's cd. It sounds great.

The Closing of the American Hospital

I have been very interested in the health care crisis -- as it's being called -- for the past few years. Recently, the news has been grim. Doctors are quitting in droves especially emergency physicians. Of the doctors remaining many are unhappy with working conditions. Fewer people go to medical school to be doctors and many of them go into specialties instead of family or emergency medicine because the pay and hours are better. PAs and NPs tend to see more patients often than the M.D.s or D.O.s. In some practices it is common for patients never to speak to the real doctor. There are many reasons for these and other problems in our health care system. One reason being that you get what you pay for. When you force doctors to get the same pay (and sometimes no pay) no matter how well they do you're going to get a lot of doctors who would rather spend more time home with their families. Rising costs have not been met with the money necessary to ameliorate them -- unless you count the government wanting to borrow its brains out and institute socialized health care. It is interesting to read the solutions people come up with concerning what to do about medical care in the U.S. The fact is, things are likely to bottom out in the next ten years if something is not done. So, what should we do?

Well, here's the socialized medicine version and here's the free market idea. Think about it.

Life Changes

I have taken a short break from blogging mainly because I had writer's block. I also had so much else on my mind that I did not have time for writing. The facts are that much has changed in me and for me over the past year. Most of the changes are too personal for me to discuss in this medium. However, some of the results of those changes can be explained.

Over the past week I have been super busy trying to find a job. I quit caring about the specifics as much. I just went out into the job-o-sphere and talked to people. I have never tried that before. I am shy, you see. Painfully shy. Years of homeschooling certainly did not help my social capacity. I've been looking for a job since September really. I had very little luck and very few interviews until this past week. Of course, I went with the same old, same old method of mailing my cover letter and resume in answer to help wanted ads. I made a few phone calls -- emphasis on few. No luck. Since I have always had trouble finding a job I assumed my normal stance of feeling like I was hitting my head against a brick wall.

Then I decided to start school again. I registered for two evening classes at a local community college and stepped up my job search work. Still nothing. I had an excellent interview, but was not chosen for the job. I kept trying. A week ago I realized that I had one week to find a job before classes start (they start Monday). That realization was kind of like a very bright light bulb in my head. One that quickly grew too warm and burst into flame. The deal was that I could not start school without a job to pay for the classes.

I hit the pavement on Monday and I went everywhere. I made sure I got to talk to managers at every place I went. I had on the spot interviews. It was a crazy week. Now I have two job prospects in my sights. On one I have been asked to come back for the second interview. On the other, let's just say it's very close to a slam dunk after the first interview.

Essentially, the thought that I might not be able to go back to school motivated me. I mean, I've been wanting to start school again for at least a year. The problem was I did not know what I wanted to do. Now, I still do not know for sure, but I am getting there. For me, the most important factor is that I am moving forward. After a year of thinking and months of not working I have things in place and I am moving forward again. I know it will not be easy. But this time I am not going to give up or choose a lesser destiny for myself than what I really want.

You're probably wondering what that last sentence means. Essentially, it means that I am no politician. I am glad I got my BA in political science, but it's not where I really want my life to go and it never was. I enjoy political thought, I do not enjoy practical, backstabbing politics. I will always be civic minded and active in my community. That's just who I am. On the other hand, I like to help people and I am going to find a career where I can be myself and help people without judging them or hating them.