A State Of Incompetents

No matter what way you spell it, that's where I live. A place filled with incompetence and incompetents ad nauseum. As I will be leaving soon I have spent a good deal of time remembering all that has happened during my tenure here. I can still remember my introduction to this dreadful town. It was after our honeymoon in Maui had ended. We flew in to the Detroit airport and went to my family's place to pick up our wedding gifts. Then we drove down to Indiana. I will never forget the good feeling of arriving in the first home that I would share with my husband. There's a stretch of road not far from our apartment where the trees overhang and form a tunnel. It goes up a hill. That was the moment when I really felt at home. Those beautiful trees looked so much like Michigan trees. I rejoiced in the greenness of the place.

That was before I noticed that the beautiful trees intertwine through the power lines, causing power outages every time the wind blows more than 10mph. The hippy city government refuses to allow the electric companies to cut the trees away from the power lines. The road commission is also forbidden from trimming the growth that impedes sight along the roads. Most stop signs are covered by branches. It's generally a good idea to slow down at every intersection. No one actually stops anyway. But if you slow down at least you can figure out if a stop sign is there.

The driving was the second thing I noticed about this state. No one knows how to drive here. Not even the out of staters. It's as if they deposited that part of their brains in a large laundry basket at the border. Naturally, they never found the brain section again, who expects a laundry basket to stay put? If you see Indiana plates on a car run for cover. The driver will probably fail to notice you, cut in front of you, weave in and out of traffic and finally decide to drive too slow in the left lane. The driver will never get out of the left lane either, and never speed up. If the driver is on a cell phone or has a handicapped plate all bets are off. You're dead. You may as well make peace with your Maker.

Stores: another thing that failed to impress me about this place. First off, no one ever asks you if you need help. At least, hardly ever. No one cares. Then they try to sell the crappiest looking produce imaginable. When the green peppers go on sale I avoid them. I know they will be half rotten. But the store still thinks it's okay to sell them. The strawberries are usually so full of mold the day after they get put on the shelves that they resemble small rodents. But the stores still try to sell them. Honestly, it's disgusting. Then there's the meat. Never have I seen such meat. Once we purchased some chicken and some beef on the same day. The packages are made so that you can hardly see inside them. We put the meat in the freezer as soon as we got home. When we thawed it a few days later it was stinking rotten. I could not eat meat for several days after that experience. Every once in a while I have found a helpful store employee. Strangely enough, I insist on shopping at that establishment every time I need the goods they sell. I guess I value good service. Maybe everyone does too. Valuing customer service is surely the big secret that the rest of the world might want to let the state of Indiana in on.

Perhaps the government incompetents are the worst. I temp worked for the city more than a year ago for three months. It was quite an experience. I learned that the person who preceded me had made an enormous mess out of my job. I had to fix it. It did not take me long and I was working part time. The work was very easy. After two months they decided to hire a permanent person for my position. I interviewed for it. I know for a fact that I was the best person for the job, but I did not get the job. I am glad I did not get it now. Still, the reason I did not get that job remains an example of why I despise this town so much. The mayor decided to hire the deputy mayor's boyfriend and forced the department to do that. It was a crappy secretary position. The mayor having say over who gets hired to do the lowest job in the city seems kind of stupid to me. I wonder if he decides who cleans the toilets too.

Then there are the tax forms. They make no sense at all. I have been doing federal taxes and Michigan state taxes for many years now and I daresay I can usually do them correctly without having to refer to the instructions (which I understand) more than two or three times. The Indiana tax forms, even the EZ form, require you to scrutinize the incomprehensible instruction manual for every line. You still will not understand them, of course. Fortunately the online filing system asks the questions in a simpler format. About halfway through my tax filing I came upon a requirement that startled me. Indiana requires that you declare every online out of state purchase you made. You have to pay sales tax to the state of Indiana for each item purchased in another state that you did not pay sales tax on. Furthermore, if you paid say 5% sales tax to another state, you will have to pay Indiana 1.2% sales tax to make up the difference. Indiana sales tax is 6.2%. Can anyone else say unconstitutional and wrong? I sure can.

But recently, the state of incompetents gave me a farewell gift that takes the cake. In Indiana -- as in any other state -- you have to renew your license plate registration every year. The Bureau of Motor Vehicles (BMV) is overwhelmingly incompetent. You do not want to go in there. I spent four hours there trying to get my new driver's license two years ago and a separate four hours getting the car registered. We decided to do mail in for our plate stickers this year. We made sure to send the money and registration info more than 30 days before the plates expired. As of two days ago, our plates expired and we had received no stickers in the mail. So, we were driving on expired plates because the state failed to send us the stickers. Luckily, and for once, the incompetence worked for us. The cops do not pull you over until December even if your plates expire in January. You can drive for months on expired plates in this state. As we will soon move out of state, we wanted this taken care of, however. I can guarantee the cops in another state might actually read the date on our stickers. So, our plates expired Monday. But the BMV does not open on Mondays and our schedules are too full on Tuesdays. We had to wait until today to get our stickers.

Indiana: you are a piece of crap. In the words of Christopher Walken, "you rat bastard!" I will not miss you. I will always remember you as The Crossroads of America: because when you get to Indiana you figure out which way to go to get out of it.

Only One Battle

I have uncovered proof that my slim hold on good grammar is slipping even more. I have certainly lost one battle, and I am afarid it's a big one. The article in question concerns the sad events that occured yesterday at Virginia Tech. I think it is appropriate to discuss this issue and to interview students who were there hiding under desks and scared. But to publish quotations without adding grammar or even correcting spelling? This is another question altogether. It is bad journalism. Who wants to read an entire article consisting of random half sentences, words that are not even words and no punctuation whatsoever? Personally, I find it confusing and annoying. Furthermore, it's lazy. The journalist did not have to write anything. All she did was copy and paste the im conversation then send it to the printer. I am wondering if this is a milestone in the annals of poor writing. I have never seen anyone do this before and I am definitely no stranger to reading random articles. There were a few "OMG"s in there, but no "lol"s yet. Lucky for me it is quoted text rather than the journalist's writing. It would certainly be the end of this war if the latter were true.

I have lost one battle, but I have not yet lost the war against bad grammar. Stay tuned for some serious fighting.

Hectic!

Life is pretty hectic right now because my husband and I will be moving in three weeks. We still have to finish packing and get a big truck set up to carry our stuff out to our new residence. We also have to finalize plans on where we will be living. We have chosen an apartment. In fact, we visited our new city this past week for that express purpose.

It went pretty well. I like the new area a lot. In fact, I like it a lot better than this horrible town. I am glad to be moving because I have never liked this area. I will be sad to leave the friends I have made and my work. But I look ahead to day of having more time to write and keep the new place clean. I am excited about the idea of a fresh start. I only hope it will not take too long to settle in at our new place.

Today I am filing taxes. Yes, I waited to the last minute, but only on the state taxes. I completed the Federal taxes a while back. I could have taken them to a tax preparer and probably should have. But I really hate the idea of giving a third party all my financial information. So I am doing them myself. I have never experienced a form as dreadful as this state's income tax return. It is horrid. Absolutely horrid. Just another reason that I want to leave this stupid state! The people are rude, there's nothing nice here, no one cares about anything and the tax returns are mind bogglingly stupid. I hope things make more sense in my new home.

Happy Easter

Happy Easter!

I do not have much else to say. Celebrate the day. Christ the Lord is risen today!

Time For Some Fun

Because life sucks at the moment I have decided to write a more humorous type of post. One of my friends has a really funny dad who comes up with the best quotes. My favorite of his quotes is this: "Life sucks, grab a straw." Right now I'm having a difficult time. I have hardly slept, I am all stressed out. I have tons of things to be done. And it seems like everything I have ever done wrong is staring me in the face. I'm drained. I'm out of it. My new scar started hurting more as well. A sure sign that I need to take things easier. Instead of venting and fuming I'm going to "grab a straw" and make things more fun.

This past weekend Craig and I went to see the movie Blades of Glory. I have not laughed that much since I went to Brian Regan's show. The movie has so much in it that is so wrong, yet so well done that I could not stop laughing. It was hilarious. If you like Will Farrell even a little bit, you will like this movie (unless you only watch kids' movies and have only seen him in Elf).

I recently watched Stranger Than Fiction and was impressed with Will Farrell's acting in that. Maybe it was Dustin Hoffman's doing. After all, Dustin Hoffman makes the other actors improve by leaps and bounds just by being in a movie. He's astounding. But I think Farrell can take some of the credit for his own acting job. Blades of Glory confirmed that notion.

Some people say that Will Farrell always plays the same character. It's like they think he's another Jim Carrey (gag me). Jim Carrey (gag me) only plays himself (gag me) and himself (gag me) is pretty weird. I submit that Will Farrell does not always play himself like Jim Carrey (gag me). I have now seen Will Farrell in several different movies: Zoolander, Stranger Than Fiction, Elf, and Blades of Glory. I have a list of others to see. In none of these movies does he play the same character as any of the others. He does some similar things, like shouting. I don't know why, but when he yells on screen it's freaking hilarious. He is always funny. I get the feeling he cannot play a truly tragic character. That's fine. I like funny. And I like different funny.

Care to join in the fun? You can do a movie review or tell me why you disagree or agree with me. I just want to have a normal, fun conversation on my blog for once.

What's In An Idea?

When we think about rulers or leaders or governments we seldom think of ideas. Mostly we think of people or agencies. In actuality, ideas rule us. Often ideas constructed by people who are long dead and who had no idea of the influence of their thoughts. Did Aristotle know that his logic would rule the known world all the way until the EDIT: Middle Ages (I stand corrected)? Did Machiavelli realize his ideas would forever change the way people understand politics? Did Locke know that his notion of inalienable rights would become the dominant understanding of government for more than 200 years? Did Freud have any idea of the way his ideas would shape society? Probably not. But these ideas -- and many others -- are what govern society today.

Aristotle was right when he said that man (human) is a political animal. That is what separates us from other creatures. Most people who read Aristotle think that he is only referring to the fact that we form associations and become self sufficient. That is incorrect. Ideas form an integral part of politics and being political.

Please pardon this next digression, it is necessary to stem the tide of knee-jerk reactions upon reading the word "political." I refer here to politics in a broader sense. Not the hard nosed, scum sucking, advantage seeking kind that most people think of when they hear that word. I refer to the politics about which Aristotle wrote. He wrote of associations, justice, ideas, virtue and how these things interact. If you need a refresher course then I recommend Aristotle's Politics and the Nichomacean Ethics. These are excellent works that ought to be read in tandem. They explain a type of politics where every person is not trying to harm his or her fellow human with every action.

On with the subject then! Ideas are what set us apart and govern our lives. One cannot live a satisfied life by merely eating, sleeping and staring at the tv. Even then, there are ideas on the tv. Other animals do not have ideas. At least, they do not have ideas that better their own society. They act on instinct alone. We can reason things out, calculate, decide which would be the best course of action. This is a self evident fact.

The state of ideas today is bad. I think the problem is that people are no longer being exposed to good ideas. They are only getting bad ideas and vague ideas. Who tries to think about the differences between Locke and Aristotle anymore? Who cares to decide which one of them was right (because their ideas are mutually exclusive)? The answer is only a few people who write books full of long words that most people do not get.

Strangely enough, this glut in the nature of ideas comes at a time when we are supposed to be more open minded than ever. You know, everything's okay, everything's cool. It's like we're all on some kind of drug or something. We have opened our minds to everything and thus closed them to the one thing that matters: ideas. You are not allowed to say what idea is right or wrong. You can say that you dislike an idea, or that it's not for you. But there is no final standard for pointing out the illogic or outright moral wrong of an idea. That's just my opinion, I know. And this is no joke.

Furthermore, we have the ability to look up innumerable ideas. Still, most of us do not even know the basic contributions of historical figures like Martin Luther (not MLK Jr., although his ideas were good too) or John Locke. The amount of information available at the push of a button has not made anyone more logical, learned or philosophical. It has made us more lazy, if anything.

The worst thing about all this is the lack of sophistification of ideas. People spout random crap and we are supposed to nod, smile and say it's all right for them to believe that. This is not to say that I want to smack people on the head with logic -- although, sometimes I do. Rather, people should recognize the need to evaluate someone else's reflections. Every idea cannot be right. That's completely illogical after all.

If you doubt me then try putting these two concepts together: 1) ideas govern our existence 2) we do not bother to understand ideas or we think that all ideas are okay. They contradict each other. If ideas are so important that they rule us, then why would we ignore them? Or why would we open ourselves to every single one of them? You tell me.

A Classical Education Helps A Lot

Many would be surprised to hear what I have to say about a classical education. For one thing, I got one. The thing I really like about a classical education is that you learn how to learn instead of just a bunch of random facts. Unless you are really dense, you learn how to write, instead of learning a formula for churning out the occasional paper and getting an A. You learn how to research and how to organize your thoughts. You learn how to weigh arguments. You learn to be skeptical, but you also learn how to take joy in seeking truth and accuracy. You learn to let go of the things that do not matter in light of the things that do. In a way, you become somewhat irreverent. You take what people tell you and you read about it instead of believing every word you hear.

For example, my prof at school is a great guy and I would never say anything bad about him personally or as a teacher of his subject. But half, if not three quarters of what he says when giving opinions is total crap. How do I know this? Because I put it to the test. Unfortunately, most of my classmates have never learned this art. They suck in everything they're told because they really do not know any better. If they do have doubts then those doubts form thoughts such as, "this is stupid." They are not well thought out arguments that challenge the very nature of what he attests.

Taking all these notions into account -- learn, read, listen, think -- I went to see the movie 300 over the weekend. Now, as a disclaimer this movie is definitely rated R for graphic violence and nudity. It's a very stylized movie. But it's stylized into almost a rhythm. Unlike normal battle sequences where slow motion is thrown left and right, the slow motion in 300 forms a pattern with the fast motion and it really keeps the audience's attention. It's amazingly well done. Watching the movie is like watching a really good comic book without having to turn the pages. That was my honest impression.

At the same time, this movie concerns a matter of historical import. One that someone with no classical education whatsoever will not understand. You have to know something about the Greeks and the Persians. You have to understand the idea of reason in ancient Greek cultures. You must have an idea of the Greek city states and how they differed from one another. If you have never read Aristotle on virtue then you will be lost. You might enjoy the movie, but you will not get it. Strangely enough the movie has a lot to say about contemporary politics.

The 300 Spartans who fight the barbaric hordes of Persians represent the rule of law and decency. They are not afraid to fight with everything they have, they are not afraid to frighten the enemy with a form of barbarism. But they are essentially holding off the storm of illogic and lawlessness that threatens to destroy their own society.

Many have discussed whether this movie is in favor of the War on Terror and Bush or against them. Let me point out that if you know anything about Frank Miller -- he wrote the graphic novel that 300 is based on and he was influential in the making of the movie -- then you are in no doubt of what he supports. On the other hand, think about the plot of the movie. Think about the words that are reiterated over and over: reason is good, the lack of it is worse than death. Think about the state of society today. Challenge the opinions set forth by both the non-classically educated and the classically educated. You will have your answer.

Ah, Logic # 8

The title of this article was too good to pass up. Upon further investigation the article turned out to be quite logical and excellent. It makes me happy to read.

I haven't much to say on the U.S. Attorney firings. Only this: the word "scandal" has become so misused and far flung that it makes me want to poke my eyes out. I am sick and tired of every little thing being dredged up as a terrible, calamitous scandal. There has got to be an end of this. I don't give a flying monkey's butt if Bush fires his entire administration and does not tell us why. Eight attorneys is hardly the end of the world.

In the end I understand why scandals keep getting thrown right and, well, right. It's because Bush is a weak executive. People will follow a strong man into the jaws of death for a totally bogus reason. But they will scoff at a weak man until they turn blue in the face even when he's right. No I am not saying Bush is right about everything -- or anything for that matter. I am saying that it does not matter when he's right. He's weak and in the real world, that's what people notice.

Stop Sporting With My Intelligence

This article explains why grammar is important. That is not the subject of the article. It's actually about the U.S. attorney issue. I am not giving an opinion of the subject matter, because I cannot get past the grammatical issues. Do they teach journalists anything about English grammar anymore? I stopped reading the news about two months ago. I only read headlines for a while. Lo and behold, when I started reading again I began to notice the dismal state of grammer in American journalism. It makes it impossible to understand what the writer meant to say. Here's my favorite sentence from the article:

"The Bush administration's efforts to use an obscure provision of the Patriot Act to replace U.S. attorneys it deemed too vigorous in investigating Republican officials, too slow in indicting Democratic public officials or too reluctant to investigate "voter fraud" -- a euphemism for attempting to suppress the minority vote -- caused me to re-think my opinion of the fairness of Western Pennsylvania's U.S. attorney, Mary Beth Buchanan."

It took me three tries to read the sentence and three more to make head or tail of it. I am still not entirely sure what it means. Furthermore, this article is the third one I have tried to read today. The others were too grammatically difficult for me to trudge through and this one has quickly joined their club.

I declare a war against bad grammar. My blog will fight this war until journalists begin inserting random smiley faces into articles and shortening words and phrases such as "you, your, yours, you are, laughing out loud and in my opinion. " At that time, the war will have been won, but not by me.

I'm Back, Baby!

Aside: Yes, I did spend the last week watching two entire seasons of Seinfeld.

I returned to work today. It felt amazing. I even got a lot of stuff done and discovered that in my absence my work had not piled up. Much. Still, it's great to go back and realize that someone else basically took care of my stuff while I was out. It's even better to go back. I needed a vacation before I left for surgery. By today I needed to work. I was getting bored.

I spent the last week recuperating. I did a lot of tv watching, saw several movies and spent countless hours editing my 2005 NaNo novel. It was a good time. I spent a lot of time with Craig because he was on spring break. I learned something about myself: I want to stay home and work on my books. I'm tired of having an out and about, full time job. At the same time, I want to be mobile. Going and getting shopping done, taking the dog (we do not have one yet) for a walk, being more involved at a church and possibly even working part time are all part of being mobile. I hope that when we move (and soon we will) I will be able to find a decent part time job. Then I can spend a lot more time on my writing and get things around the house done.

The good news at the moment is still that I'm back! It's good to be back.

Down And Out -- Really

I had surgery on Thursday to repair a hernia. I have not been in the best of shape for writing despite the fact that I have a couple interesting topics lined up for discussion. I'll get to those later. I had been scheduled for this surgery for a while now and it's finally over. Except, it's not really over. There's this thing called recovery and let me tell you, it sucks. I am always in a little bit of pain. The pain meds do bad things to me even when I take them. I'm tired all the time. I can only walk around for so long before I want to go lay down again. I get restless. I cannot lift things. It's difficult to bend down and pick things up from the floor because it hurts. I am not the most patient invalid.

I am thankful that I have such a patient, kind hubsand to take care of me through all this.

So far, recovery has been going pretty good. I know, I complain. But look, I am typing on the computer three days after I got cut open and sewn back together. That's something!

Oh yes, you know how you hear all those horror stories of people being awake through their operation. I was awake during mine. I remember it. I remember the doctors standing over me talking and asking for various instruments. I don't think they knew I was aware of them. But I was. I was so groggy that I did not get scared or anything. I just lay there and let the whole thing go on. It was kind of interesting really. I wondered if I would be able to withstand the anastesia and I was.

Soon I will be fully recovered and more able to do things than before I had the surgery. I am looking forward to that day.

Hook Is Back

Does anyone remember the movie, Hook, from when you were a kid (or a bit younger as the case may be)? It's got about as many cliches as it has minutes and I have never been the biggest fan of Robin Williams. Strangely enough Hook is still one of my favorite movies. I even occasionally quote it. "I've just had an apostrophe!" is surely one of the best lines in cinematic history. The part where Hook first walks out and you suddenly realize that it's Dustin Hoffman and he's freakin' short, is hilarious. Perhaps the strangest thing about this movie, for me, is that for once I find myself liking Peter Pan more than Captain Hook.

I have read Peter Pan and Wendy at least twice and have watched several movie versions of the story including the Disney animated. I never liked Peter Pan as a character in any of them. He was better in the movie versions, usually. But I still never liked him. I think I was born too old to appreciate Peter Pan, if that makes any sense. Recall the line from It's a Wonderful Life Mr. Bailey tells George that he was born older than his brother. Some people are just more mature from the day they were born. However, does it follow that such people have an advantage in life?

Let me put it this way, I never had any fun reading about Peter Pan. I never wanted to stay a kid forever, so I had no common ground with the charaacter. I did not want to grow up fast, but I sure did not want to be a kid all my life. I never believed in Santa Claus. When I watched movies like Miracle on Thirty Fourth Street I found myself unable to get into the story. Not because of the characters, but because of the message. Santa Claus and the perpetuation of him as an idea was not important to a person who never believed he existed. Suffice it to say, I am a born cynic and always have been. My skepticism is outrageous.

Yet I still think Hook is a good movie. Maybe it is able to reach the little kid that still exists in me. The cliches are the sort of cliches that kids do not notice. Captain Hook is hardly scary, but he is still a well done badguy, in my opinion. He's comical and even somewhat silly.

I could go on to express an opinion about the state of family films in the status quo. I could digress over the fact that no movie is good for both adults and kids these days. But it would not apply. It would be irrelevant. The fact is, there is very little adult-appreciable material in Hook. The jokes are the sort that kids laugh at. The expressions of imagination and emphasis on imagination are the kind that kids see the meaning of. You have to be a kid to like that movie. Or be partly a kid. I think the movie Hook does what the book Peter Pan and Wendy was meant to do. But better. Because I never liked the book and I never liked Peter Pan. I thought as Hook did that Peter Pan had very "bad form."

Then again perhaps that is the brilliance of that book. Perhaps it differentiates between the child and pirate in all of us. Some of us are closer to being Hook than to being Peter. Peter was a noble character in that he helped others and lived free. Peter's fatal flaw was that he forgot his friendships in the immature way that a child fails to realize how much others care for him. But Hook remembered everything. Yes, he obsessed over his memories and used them to harbor ill will. Still, he remembered. He took care of that which belonged to him, even if he hated it. His belief in appearances took precedence over his likes and dislikes of the people around him. The form mattered more to him than the heart of a person. Hook's fatal flaw was his belief that he was good just because he appeared good. In actuality he was the cynical, dark badguy with no happy thoughts. That darkness which exists in every person conquered Hook. However, Peter -- Hook's opposite -- was not the ideal human either.

Then comes the movie, Hook, and it shows a softer side to Peter Pan. A more manageable, mature side. Here is a Peter Pan who finally stands up for his loved ones. He puts his children before his own need never to grow up. Here is a Peter Pan worthy to defeat Captain Hook. There it is. That is why I hate the book so much. Because it ended too soon. The book Peter was not a worthy opponent. He was a silly, forgetful, immature ten year old who could not understand the important things in life. The Peter that Robin Williams portrayed was a man who has lost himself in darkness. This Peter discovers that light exists when he has to battle an enemy who is the image of his former, dark, foolish self in order to protect the goodness of his children who are the image of his childish Neverland orphan self.

Bore

The politician I despise the most will always be Al Gore. Why? To borrow a line froma a really good movie (Sense and Sensibility): "Because he has threatened me with rain when I wanted sun." That's why. In a nutshell. He is using global warming for his own profit and people think he cares about them. The fact is that we humans believe we can turn this world into a greenhouse just because we have cars. Cows flatulating cause more environmental problems than cars. You know what, I think nature can pretty much take care of itself. I don't mean to say we should trash the place, but we should not go frantic over something as fad-like as global warming. In the 1970s we were expecting a new ice age. What happened to that? Hello. We do not understand the way the temperature of the earth works because we have only been recording that temperature for a hundred and fifty years or so. It is pure arrogance to think we are going to destroy this planet with cars.

Besides all that, Al Gore flies from one end of the country to the other in his own private jet. He has an enormous house, and there's a mine on his land that is in working order. He probably uses up four times the energy anyone else uses. Don't be fooled by the bore.

The Big Snow, Er, Mess

I am eagerly anticipating the arrival of a lot of snow and ice. Why? Well, for one thing if it is bad enough I will get the day off work and still get paid. For another thing, I could stay home and sleep and clean. And for another thing, I would have an excuse to skip class.

Truthfully, I just like snow. There is nothing like the sight of fresh, clean snow resting undisturbed over the countryside. It's beautiful. It's prettier than a diamond. After a few cars have driven in the snow and turned it grey, or a few people have made footprints it's not the same. I hate to see dirty, disturbed snow. Even as a kid I never liked walking out and adding my footprints to the mess that destroyed all that beauty. Sledding is tons of fun as is making snow angels. But it is a pity that both these activities disrupt such brilliance. Ah well, that's the price you pay for liking to look at the snow as much as you like to play in it.

As for ice, it's been so long since I've seen a good ice storm. I would say about four years. We had one while I was in college. It was so bad the trees were dropping limbs and exploding. The sap froze and expanded, you know. My school cancelled classes for two days. It was great, except for a few minor power outages. When I was a little kid we had a marvelous ice storm once. I remember trying to walk up a hill and being unable to take a step without kicking my way through the ice. The ice covered the snow in this instance and the snow was more than knee deep to my 10 year old self. I had to stomp really hard to get my foot through the ice. I proceeded up the hill with slow progress. When I reached the top I kind of slipped -- partly on purpose. I landed on my tummy and slid all the way back down the hill like that. No sled! It was too much fun. But I was supposed to be working (gathering sap from the maple trees) so I had to haul myself back up that hill. Luckily, I was able to use my footprints left there by my previous attempted climb.

Snow and ice are tons of fun when you do not know how to drive! Here I sit, peeking out the window, waiting for the snow to start. Oops, I forgot something at the store . . .

Searching For Esther

You may have noticed my recent disappearance from the blogging world. I have kept up a bit more on my livejournal. But not much. I ought to receive some sort of corrective treatment for my long absence.

The truth is I haven't much to say. My life has been a whirlwind, mostly revolving around work. I find it is best if I do not talk about work on my very public blog. You know, it pays the bills and that's all anyone need know. I can still afford to have the internet. Enough said.

I have not been writing much. Every once in a while I try to edit, but my editing is not going so well. I have kept the house cleaner than normal. So I'm not a total bum. I've even taken up cooking, more often. I also got some books to read and I study more often for my class.

We all go through these times of low inspiration. Actually, it's not that my inspiration is low, it's more that my inspiration centers around ideas too personal to put on my blog. I try to be more honest on this blog than I once was. But some things are still not meant for cyberspace.

Furthermore, I'm putting more effort into being a leader at my church. That takes up a bit of time. We have an event coming up and I seem to be rather in charge of a few things for it.

That leads me to an actual subject in this useless ramble. I tend to get put in charge of things a lot even though I do not consider myself much of a leader type. I'm fairly confident. But I do not like to be the face of an organization. Once a week I have a short meeting with about 15 therapists at my workplace. Let me tell you it gives me nerves. I have to go in there and talk to a whole bunch of people who analyze other people for a living. Agh. Why couldn't one of my co-workers who's a better talker do that? Well, because it's my job and not anyone else's. It's the same with being in charge of stuff at church. That means I'm the face of the organization and I don't like to be the face. You can see why I never enjoyed acting or singing. Performance oriented stuff is not my thing. I like to be behind the scenes. The idea of doing a more obvious job sounds fun to me, but I do not think I would enjoy myself very much. I am not sure what the point of all this is. Perhaps it will get my creative juices flowing and I will write something real again sometime this week.

If You Want To Laugh

If you need to laugh (you know who you are) I can help you. Well, I can't, really. I'm not very funny. I'm just me. But this guy can help you. Watch some of Brian Regan's clips from various talk shows and stuff. He will have you rolling on the floor. He has a way of finding the absurd in life and pinpointing exactly why it's funny. Yet his jokes are completely clean. He's amazing.

The best part of all this is that I have tickets to go see his show next month! I'm psyched. It's going to be so much fun.

Take . . . Luck!

Announcing For 2006

Yes, I have finally got my bum in gear and decided to post the long anticipated Neville Chamberlain award for 2006. Please read the 2005 Neville Chamberlain award for the context and reference of this illustrious event.

I like to think of this announcement as my version of the Oscars, the Superbowl and Time's Person of the Year. I take all three award ideas and roll them into a bundle and then I throw them all away and start again with a better idea. My award goes to someone who was obsequious, annoying, politically disgusting and remarkable only in his, her or their ability to be unremarkable. It goes to the worst sheep of all. The person(s) who caved to what everyone else thought of them and took the easy way out. I make no pretences of any kind with this award. But as I am the creator of the award I think it is only fair that another should present it. I give that honor to my holiday monkey, Neville, pictured on the right hand side of the screen. Yes, he's presenting the award backside first, because that is the nature of this award.

So . . . announcing, for 2006 *sound of a whoopie cushion* the Neville Chamberlain award, presented for the most spineless act of appeasement during 2006. This year it goes to:

The Iraq Study Group!

They have received this dishonrable award for giving in to the crowd of media and the general pessimism and refusing to research ways of winning in Iraq. Insteadthey sought ways of losing, favorably. Whatever that means.

Truthfully, the only way we can escape the mess we've made in Iraq is if we have the balls to win. We started this all on the basis of fighting terrorism. We may have gone outside the bounds of that idea by ousting Iraq's former regime, but backing away and apologizing will take us to no good place. Radical Islam is not a system that respects weakness. Instead it inspires, fosters and engenders weakness. There is one way to send it packing, and that is to have the strength of will to stop being afraid of our own shadow. It would do us some good to remember that history proves war powers have been handed back to the people after the war president's tenure ended. There is no reason to think it will not happen again. We deserve better than to collapse under the weight our own cowardice. I for one, think it would be nice of somebody in the academic community would give us some intellectual ammunition rather than promoting ideas that make us fear our own strength and back away from helping anyone else in the fight against terrorism.

Larger Than Life: A Tribute

I interrupt my regularly scheduled award post in order to say something else. Something more important is on my mind right now.

Sad news came my way yesterday. My cousin B. passed away. He had non-Hodgekins lymphoma. He fought it for about two years if memory serves me. Now he's gone. And I never got to say goodbye to him. But that's not the point. He was survived by his wife and two children. I hope you will offer a prayer for their comfort, I know I will.

My cousin was the one person I have ever known whom I believed to be invincible. I figured I would go before he did. He was the type of person who walks into a room and everyone is automatically drawn to him. Even if they did not know him. That's just who he was. He did not try to be the center of attention or anything. But he was so steady, caring and funny that you could not help but like him and gravitate toward his conversation. The best, the only way to describe B was that he was larger than life. He stood out from the crowd for all the right reasons.

My cousin was a cop and a youth pastor. I know, those two jobs go together, hand in glove. Um, yeah. He was always very good with kids. Kids of all ages. He could make them comfortable and have fun with them. In his thirties he still did not seem awkward around kids. It was like he was a kid. He just fit right in with kids. I mean, some people when they get to their thirties they have that kiddie voice. You remember that voice. It was like they thought kids were too stupid to realize it was a kiddie voice. B never did that. Never. He was just himself. He would laugh and make a joke and his jokes were always funny. He did not try to be cool around kids, because kids just knew he was cool being himself.

B was a role model. When I grow up I want to be just like him. He put his beliefs and ideals before everything. He told the gospel wherever he went. I remember his wedding very clearly. The ceremony lasted for two agonizing hours because he could not stop telling the gospel. It was not the best experience of my life, but I will always remember it with a laugh now. He had a real heart for evangelizing. At the same time he was not annoying about it. You wanted to listen to him tell the gospel. More than that, you wanted to go to the heaven that he has already gone to.

I will miss you B. More than anything. I wish I was half the person you were. I am glad you're not in pain anymore.

Happy New Year

I am on vacation and will not be able to write a serious post until this weekend probably. I thought I should say Happy New Year anyway.

Next up, the Neville Chamberlain award! Who do you think got it this past year? Just wait and see.

I love building suspense.

The News Popped Up This Morning To Reveal . . .

Gerald Ford passed away. I am very sad. I met Mr. Ford once, several years ago. It wasn't a real meeting, I guess. He was riding on a golf cart and his security people would not stop to let him talk to people nearby. He waved at me and made eye contact. I like to consider it a meeting. I also heard him give a very inspirational speech that I have never forgot. He was not the best speaker (better than GWB), but his heart was obviously in the right place. His message was simple and clear. He was a very hopeful person. With his passing a little bit of goodness has gone out of the world. *sniffle*

Enter A Subject: Christmas

It's that time of year. I'm definitely getting into the Christmas spirit now. It helps that most of my Christmas shopping has been dealt with. It also helps that other people are catching the Christmas spirit and generating it all around. I love how people get mostly happy around Christmas. That is, other than the annoying last minute shoppers who are out to get everything off the shelves. They might knock you down in the process. There are a lot of people like that. I don't do last minute shopping for more than one gift anymore. I just can't stand the crowds and the angry customers.

Back to the happy subject. I was talking to my favorite insurance man the other day. He was so happy and Christmasy that I could not help but catch the infectious mood. Christmas is an amazing time of the year. It's the time when we all try to overlook other people's faults and have a good time with the people we love. It's a time when we ignore the artificial, superficial issues and strive to be better people. It's a time when we stop forgetting to tell our friends and family that we love them and we always will.

I just like Christmas. Other than the story of Jesus' birth, my favorite Christmas story will always be "A Christmas Carol." I think it's the only good Dickens story, really. It's short and to the point. It tells the story of one man's redemption. I am a sucker for stories of redemption. There's just something about Scrooge that rings truest at Christmas time. He's the old man getting washed away in the waters of baptism that God gave to us through Jesus. After that there is renewal. But none of that could have been possible without Jesus' birth as a tiny baby. There is an awesomeness in Jesus' birth that we often forget. It's not just a pretty picture book, or a cutesy story with fuzzy animals and hay. No, Jesus birth was as important as the events that followed his birth. It is a much greater story with far more truth in it than the story of Scrooge that I enjoy so much. It moves me to more emotion, despite the fact that it is a lot easier to identify with "A Christmas Carol" or some other more modern story that we watch or read at Christmas time.

But more than that, Jesus birth reminds me every year of the gift of grace God offered to me and to all people. That is something that no other story can capture, no matter how touching or emotional it is. This is because grace is more than a story and more than an emotion. It is beyond my ability to imagine or understand. The Christmas spirit is the time when I find myself most able to contemplate grace. And yet I still cannot fathom the wonder and power of God's mercy on humankind. To extend the same grace to each one of us with no resentments or annoyances. That is far beyond our human comprehension. God is good, and Christmas is the time of year that forces me to remember that fact. Let this dreadful ramble remind you not to get so wrapped up in plans and presents that you ignore the truth about Christmas.

Look A Bunny!

I won't say this is Ah, Logic worthy, but it sure got me thinking. I have often been annoyed at people in general for their propensity to blame problems on those who are obviously not creating chaos of the intensity that has been alleged. Skirting the issues is a proud tradition of the human condition. Here are a few interesting points about that. Maybe I'll talk about this again in a later post. At the moment I'm being interrupted constantly and it's getting old. But that tends to happen at work . . .

I'm A Healthy Person After All

In the annals of weird, medical phenomena you will find a page with my name on it. Here is a person who eats right, takes care of herself (although she could exercise a bit more) and yet she has a serious -- sometimes debilitating -- pain in her side that has been there for years and refuses to go away. This pain has left a dogging question in my mind. And at long last the answer to my question has emerged. I have to say that I like my primary care physician and my gastroenterologist very much. They're great people and without them I would still be wondering if I'm dying or something.

The good news is, I do not have an ulcer, I am perfectly healthy. I have a weird colon. Yup, that's it. I'm sure I've mentioned the fact before that I am a very small person. I never thought that being small could be a bad thing -- aside from the fact that if I accidentally skip a meal I become very weak. But there is one other problem with being this small. My colon has to make some rather sharp turns in order to fit itself inside of my abdomen. Thus, my food has a difficult time making it from one end to the other. In effect, my colon spasms to get the food through and that causes me a lot of pain. I had a colonoscopy the other day and they showed me the photos of my weird colon. Yeah, it's weird. I've seen photos from those procedures before and they didn't look quite like mine. There were some very sharp corners and some twisted spots. It was weird all right. Now I know why no one has ever been able to find anything wrong with me before.

The bad news is the chronic pain. The one thing I feared about all this was that I would be in pain for the rest of my life. I wanted something to be done to get rid of the pain completely. I wanted to live my life without that. But on this crazy journey of medical tests and all kinds of crap (sometimes literally, tmi) I have come to realize one thing. I don't care if I always have this pain, I care if I always have this pain and do not know why I have it. In the knowing lies the answer. I can make things easier on myself and I intend to do just that by eating even more right and exercising more.

In the end I am reminded once again of my own mortality. Physical weakness is part of how God reminds us that we need Him. Perhaps I can count all this as some sort of blessing even on the days when it is impossible to think like that.

Also, if any of you ever have to have a colonoscopy, let me tell you the two days before it are the worst thing imaginable. No, they're even worse than that. You have to "cleanse" your colon on those days. Just take the worst thing you can possibly imagine and multiply it by 27, that's how bad it is. I'm really hoping I will only have to endure that once in my life.

Ah, Logic # 7

Sad, cynical and true. The fact of the matter is, people do not care when genocide happens in Africa, they just act like they care. There could be many reasons for this, I chock it up to the fact that there's no economic value to helping over there. I am sure there are more reasons than that. It's as if no one cares about that part of the world. Sometimes it bothers me that I get lumped into the great white Satan that is accused of not caring in regards to Africa and especially the Sudan. The harsh truth is that I probably deserve that label as much as any American or European. We do not like helping countries in Africa. Heck, we do not even remember there are separate countries over there.

I told someone that I was learning Zulu and she asked me if it was a bush language! It's only one of the official languages of South Africa which is one of the more stable countries in Africa. It's a place, not just a jungle. I'm tired of the whole "dark continent" view of Africa. I'm also tired of listening to people talk about colonialism and why that was bad for Africa. Everything does not revolve around jungles and colonization. I'm sorry, it just doesn't. There are many aspects of culture, politics and religion that remain in African countries from well before colonization.

Also, if you want to talk about colonization, why are the Muslim areas of Africa never mentioned? Some of them are, as in the article I linked to at the top of this post. But most are not and there are some dreadful, institutionalized human rights abuses (especially in regards to women) that occur on a regular basis in those areas.

Okay, okay. It's a rant. Next time I talk about this, I'll be nicer.

A Bandaid Moment

In order to understand the title of my post, I refer you to this post on my livejournal that I wrote some time ago. To me, a bandaid moment is the moment when someone I've never met before does something that is completely unselfish. And the person does that for me. They will never be repaid because I will never meet them again. They simply act in a way that restores my faith in God. I have had other bandaid moments, always when I least expect them. Today I really needed one. I was not thinking of one or the fact that I needed one. Yet it seems that whenever I am at my wit's end, God gives me a bandaid moment and I see again that He will always provide for me. That's what happened to me today.

I've had a rough day. I went to the doctor earlier and found out about some stuff that really scares me. I've wanted to cry all day, but I've worked hard. I've also been in a lot of pain today and that has not helped the situation. My discouragement scale was definitely dipping close to despair.

I went to the pharmacy to get some pain medicine and some other stuff that I have to take in preparation for a scary medical test I mentioned in the previous post. Craig was with me. When I went to pick up the medications the total came up to 82 cents. Now, I do not carry cash pretty much ever. So I asked Craig if he had 82 cents. He said he did not. I decided we would have to take the medicine to the regular checkout and the cashier got it ready. Then she remembered that she had already rung it up and could not just void it off the register. I was going to have to pay for all my other stuff with the medicine and I had an item that needed to be weighed, so I would have to take that to the regular checkout as the pharmacy checkout did not have a scale.

The customer standing next to me suddenly pulled out a dollar and offered to pay for my medicine. I was surprised and tried not to accept, but she paid anyway. I thanked her profusuely and said a silent prayer for her. I could not believe someone would do that for me. As I left the store I struggled to hold back tears at the kindness of that woman.

My faith in God has been restored, or rejuvenated because it never really went away. I have to say that if God will take care of me even when I am lazy and forgetful then He will take care of me in the midst of my current crisis. I should carry some cash with me now and then. I should have been willing to pay for that with one of my cards or I should have just left the items that needed to be weighed. But instead God took care of me and showed me that He's still there, He has not left me despite my pain, my suffering and the fear I have felt in regards to whatever could be physically wrong with me. He is so amazing and so merciful. He did not have to give his life for mine and defeat death so that I could have eternal life. And on top of all that have a kind person in the right place so that when I was stupid and lazy I could still be taken care of. But He did. God's love is wonderful. I am in awe.

A Stomach Update

No stomach ulcer. So that's good. However, there are complications and the scenario keeps looking scarier. It might be any number of other things and the complications will send me back to the gastroenterologist for a very, very scary test. I also have to have a CT scan which is not a biggie as I've had that done before.

I'm worried. I'm still in pain, although on some meds to deal with that. Please pray for me if you are the praying sort.

The endoscopy of the past week was particularly painless. I was flying high on the anesthesia they gave me. I was very, very happy and nice to everyone. I thanked them profusely for everything down to the pair of fuzzy socks they gave me to wear while I was at the doctor's. I am such a weirdo. Afterwards I slept for hours.

I'm happy this is not a stomach ulcer. But I am a bit worried about what else could be wrong. Keep praying. I need courage. Haha, and money.

Thanks for all your prayers. And thanks for all the congratulations below. Trust me, your words did make me feel a lot better.

I'll Tell You What Would Make Me Feel Better

But first, I'll tell you why I don't feel good at all. The last week and a half has been somewhat traumatic in the physical pain sense. That is to say, I am in severe physical pain. My left side hurts so much that most of the time I do not want to move, but if I don't move it feels worse than if I am walking around. I also have no energy.

So, on Friday I went to the doctor and she thinks I have an ulcer. Yeah, remember last March/April's posts (if you're a longtime reader) about all this? Where they thought I had a slow digestive system. Well, the pain is a lot worse now, and now it's a suspected stomach ulcer. That means I'm looking at never eating spicy food again. Okay, no cheese, no chocolate, no wine, no salsa, no jalepenos. I may as well eat mush for the rest of my life.

Wednesday is an interesting date because I'm going to have an interesting test done that should tell the doctors if I have an ulcer. Keep me in your prayers on that.

But it would really make me feel better if you all posted congratulations on my winning NaNoWriMo.

That's All I Have To Say

I WON!!!

I'm Sad To See

November is nearly over. I have 4 days left to finsh my 50k words for NaNoWriMo. It is a sad day indeed when I realize that this month is at its end. I have 4k words to go in order to reach my goal although I'm guessing it will take another 10k to finish the story I'm writing. That's okay. I plan to keep writing into December until I have completed the initial first draft. I say initial because this draft is sort of like vomit. I just threw it all out there and it's a mess right now. Unlike vomit, however, it will not always be a mess. I will clean it up and edit it and someday it will even smell good. Someday when publishers start using scented paper for books . . .

In the meantime, I am sad to see that November is going away. The rush of NaNoWriMo is like nothing else. I am convinced that if not for that rush I would not do this writing a 50,000 word novel in 30 days thing. After all, it's kind of a crazy thing to do. I enjoy the rush. It puts me back into the writing mood and helps me become more disciplined.

In fact, last year, post NaNo happy writing vibes kept me going for months. I nearly finished editing a book by the summer. Of course, my perfectionism caught up with me eventually and I was afraid to write again. That's how I am. I use NaNo as a launchpad to throw me back into a more disciplined writing schedule. I know that eventually I'll run out of fuel and have to come back down to earth for a few months until the next November. Then I prepare the fuel again -- a new plot -- and get all set to blast off into the stars once more.

That's NaNo. I've done it twice now and I love it. It's a great way to remind myself what writing means to me and it keeps me going for a while.

Happy Thanksgiving America!

Thanksgiving is a truly American holiday and it's probably my favorite. Super Bowl Sunday is a close second.

Cooking a Thanksgiving dinner is an art. I take a lot of pride in making my turkey and pumpkin pie and sweet potatoes and mashed potatoes and gravy and all the other things one has on Thanksgiving. But food is not really what this day is about.

This day is about giving thanks for what we have been blessed with. When you look around you will realize that you have been blessed with an awful lot of stuff. Even if you're as poor as a churchmouse, you still have people who care about you, or a roof over your head. Or the ability to read this post on a computer. I mean, you can read, isn't that cool?

But, to come to the point, there is one thing we have all been offered or blessed with. That is God's salvation. God has extended His grace to every single person through His Son's death on the cross and ressurection. And that is no small gift. That is something for which mere thanks will never be enough. Although God knows our human condition makes it impossible for us to repay Him, he still offers that salvation with no conditions. Indeed, the idea that conditions apply and that we have to earn that gift is nothing more than an insult. Although, it is possible to reject God's gift and many have done just that.

I know you're thinking that it could not be that easy. That's the trap into which many people have fallen. Yes, it's simply that easy. Jesus gave his life for our sins, we can be clean and forgiven. It's just that simple. You do not have to stare into the face of your own shortcomings and realize that you will never be good enough because Jesus did it all for us. For that I am truly thankful.

A Comment Update

It seems that I can comment on non-beta blogs. However, I must be already signed in to do that. Hence, I have lost several comments on several people's blogs. Stupid blogger. They are infuriating.

No Comments

I cannot comment on non-Beta blogs. If you want my comments you will have to switch to Beta or just wait for stupid Blogger to change it so that I can do that. For right now, it's not possible. Blogger is ridiculous. I hate them.

Day 12 Is At An End

I am most of the way through Week 2: The Struggle. That is my new name for week two of NaNoWriMo because it is the most difficult week in the struggling sense.

I will name all four weeks now:

Week 1: The Sprint
Week 2: The Struggle
Week 3: The Best Part Of The Novel
Week 4: Oh Crap, I Have To Get To 50K
2 Days Left: Oh Crap! Oh Crap! Where's My 50K?

How do you like that? That about describes NaNo in its entirety. Being in week 2 is like being stuck on a roller coaster that never stops climbing upwards. You feel like you're never going to get to the good part of the novel. Every time I write I have to push myself through what I'm writing. Otherwise I get discouraged and annoyed. I finish each part of the book telling myself that the next bit will be easier and more fun to write. When I get to the next bit, I'm still on the uphill slant. It's no better than the one before and no easier. I still haven't arrived at the fun part. The hill keeps going onwards and upwards. But I do not look up. I tell myself the next part will be fun and I keep on writing. It's the only way.

One day soon the clouds will break and I will reach the summit of the roller coaster. My little car will turn at a downward slant and I'll be shouting and laughing as I write the best part of the story at record pace. My stomach will get all twisted in knots because I know it's going to be such a good story.

Right now it looks like crap and I do not know how I'm going to make it through the difficult part. Wait, I know, I remember, when I finish this part, the next will be the good part.

Ah, Logic # 6

I went over to my friend Xana Ender's blog and read a very refreshing post that deserves an link under this series. Read it and you'll know why.

Ah, Logic #5

Orson Scott Card is a great writer. Personally, I prefer his essays and political writings to his books. Here's a very interesting and logical article he wrote for election day.

Post Election Day Trauma

I voted electronically. It was really freaky. I felt like an elderly person faced with a Pentium II and Microsoft Outlook. I was supposed to push all these buttons beside arrows which pointed to the candidate or issue on the ballot. Somehow this qualifies as voting. Little green lights came on when I pushed the buttons. Some of the arrows did not quite correspond with their candidate and I was reminded of hanging chads and people in Palm Beach, FL.

I'm used to the old fashioned voting method. The one where you take a black marker and fill in ovals next to your candidates/proposals of choice. I'm not sure I like electronic voting. My main question is, how do you write someone in? I usually write myself into one or two slots just for fun and because I a) do not know who else to vote for or b) do not want to vote for either candidate. You are not required to choose the lesser of two evils, I always say. You can refuse to choose either. I digress. There was no pen to write someone in with. On most of the candidate slots there was no place to write someone in.

As I said, electronic voting is not for me. Can I have my cardboard ballot back? The one that I mark with a pen and then stick into the big, weird looking machine that makes funny noises? I'd like that.

Well, looks like the Dems have a little majority going there. This will be interesting. I'm hoping that the Dems can mess things up even more than the Republicans did over the past few years. Then Pence will have a better chance because he's an optimistic man and optimism usually wins after a lot of crap (e.g. FDR was optimistic and so was Ronald Reagan, both men won the presidency at decidedly depressing historical moments).

November The First

NaNoWriMo has begun and I still have not uploaded a 2006 participant icon or even mentioned what I'm doing this month. I'm working on a fantasy parody/high fantasy/ it's supposed to be funny fantasy. So far there are a few funny bits and it's mostly ridiculous. But I'm over 11,000 words in so at least I'm moving right along. NaNoWriMo has one point: write 50k words of a story be it good or dreadful.

Writers are by nature perfectionists. We like to read back over what we have written and whine about how it's not right. Then we say we have writer's block and refuse to do anything for weeks on end. I'm definitely guilty as charged.

NaNoWriMo is a reminder that you will not write anything good if you do not write. I am taking that to heart this year. I have ignored all of the dreadful crap I've written and kept going despite the odd moments of wondering if I should scrap my plot and do something different. The second week is always the worst week. But once I clear that hurdle I'll be home free. The second week of NaNo starts tomorrow. Wish me luck.

Am I Alone?

Please tell me I'm not the only one who thinks this way and notices these things. I just finished reading this article on how Saddam is urging Iraqis to unify. He also suggests that Iraqis not take revenge on the U.S. Okay. He is trying real hard to get people to forget his own crimes. Does anyone believe this guy for a second?

Saddam Hussein asking Iraqis to unify is like the KKK offering reparations. It's completely illogical. The sectarian violence would not be anywhere near what is is if Saddam had not exacerbated it with mass killings.

I'm definitely disgusted.

Furthermore, suggesting that Iraqis not take revenge on the U.S. is a blatant attempt to veer attention away from any of Saddam's crimes which are many.

I think I'm gonna go outside and jump up and down shouting now.

Making A Fashion Statement

It's time for me to come out of my shell and make a fashion statement. One that the whole world will notice. Well, maybe not the whole world, maybe not even anyone outside my general acquaintances. In reality, I hope that some people in my own community will notice. Every female in the area needs some desperate fashion help. I hope this is not a country wide problem. Oh, you haven't noticed? Hmm. Four words then:

The '80s are back.

I realize that I may have lost a significant portion of my audience to heart attacks and the like after that statement. Sorry, but I'm talking truth here. It must be said. So, here is my fashion statement (this is for the ladies and for the men who care enough to let the ladies know when something bad is happening to them):

1) Leggings/leg warmers/whatever the hell you call them were never, ever, ever cool in your wildest dreams or nightmares. They're still not cool.

3) Opaque tights are for 5 year olds and younger, there is no way around that.

4) Turned up collars are wrong and are also for 5 year olds.

5) Wearing dirty sweat clothes is gross and makes me think you need to take a shower and that you stink.

6) Oversized sweaters with enormous buttons/bows zippers/etc are horrific, simply horrific.

7) Vests were not meant to be worn except for when wearing a tuxedo or suit and then they need to match the suit. Wearing a vest over an old t-shirt is not and never has been cute. If you think it is cute then you should probably be very worried about getting a job because no one is going to hire a 1980s freak.

8) Big hair is morally wrong. You should be ostracized for having big hair.

9) Ruffled blouses ought to be dragged out into the street and run over by a dump truck then buried in a landfill or flushed down the toilet.

10) Skinny pants are not skinny pants. They are tapered leg pants and they have always been ghastly. Do not wear them.

That is my fashion statement. I hope someone listens to me. I hate being on a campus again and getting to see all the sheep who go along with the styles that are supposed to be cool but are actually dreadful. I firmly believe that the '80s have returned because those who lived through the '80s feared to show their embarrassing photographs of their awful clothing to the younger generation. The younger generation does not know better because the older ones failed their duty. It's a sorry state of fashion.

Hats Off To You, Mr. Luther

Yesterday was Reformation Day. I would toast a long and happy life to Martin Luther, the man who made Reformation Day, but he's been dead for quite some time. Of course, I'm a Lutheran, so that's the only reason I'm talking right now.

I am not one of those Lutherans who eats, lives and breathes everything Martin Luther ever said. I find some of his words to be true and interesting. Others are rather humorous in their outright crankiness. And some are not at all true. I do think that his codification of doctrine was very well done and I agree with a lot of it. Generally, I do not call myself a Lutheran, because I never liked the Lutheran arrogance. I still do not like that. It was the reason that I had a lot of trouble becoming a Lutheran. I did not want to turn into an arrogant person who sat around talking about why everyone else was wrong. Fortunately that is not requisite for being Lutheran and here I am. I'm sure I'm more arrogant than I think, but you get the general idea.

Back to the topic now. I would like to offer a warm round of applause to Martin Luther. I am happy that such a guy existed to put the world off the track of massive church corruption, at least inasmuch as he did. I wonder what the world would be like now if Martin Luther had never existed and had not been quite so hardheaded when he did. It would probably be a lot weirder. Hats off to you, Mr. Luther.

A Serious Post, For Real

I mean it. I'm even posting in reddish brown to be more serious. This is the last post of October 2006 that I will write (we'll see) and I want it to be serious. I've been off for so long that it's getting old. I do not even have time to read the news anymore. It's driving me crazy. So, I've got something to talk about and it's serious.

Principles are rarely consistent. People will believe strongly in something, but only in one example and not in another. Yes, I'm going to talk about the War in Iraq. We've all heard a lot of discussion on the immorality of the U.S. in this matter. We took over another country, we wanted oil, there were not WMD. The list goes on. I'm not really for the war that much, so I'm not going to point out that Iraq disagrees with us on important decisions quite often, oil prices have not decreased enough to mean anything and there was evidence of WMD potential. I am going to point out something entirely different in fact.

Fidel Castro gets more respect that our government. This is because he promised to bring democracy to Cuba and then turned it into a communist dictatorship (I guess?). People's lives in Cuba could be improving, instead they are not. How about the Soviet Union? Talk about taking over another government or two! They only conquered their neighboring countries and caused the deaths of about 100 million people. But nobody talks about that. Then there's China, why doesn't it bother anyone that Google censors searches on human rights coming out of China? Why don't we ever hear comments on the secret concentration camps that political prisoners in China have vanished into? Why is our understanding of the world and the wrongs that occur so focused on one country?

You hear people talk about how wrong it was of the U.S. to go into Iraq and depose it's ruler. They say it's because that's just a wrong thing to do. In the next sentence you might hear them praise Castro or even the Soviet Union (I'm serious, I go to a public university). This makes no sense to me. If you're going to have a principle you should hold to it consistently. Otherwise it's not a principle.

I'll grant that you might not always show evidence of your belief, we're only human. However, this large of a gap is completely illogical. It means one thing and one thing only. You do not like the U.S. in particular and the things that it does.

I do agree that our actions in Iraq have set up a huge moral dilemma. A moral dilemma that ought to be considered just as seriously as consistency in principles.

Good Intentions, Or, Because I'm Weird

Every week I plan to write an interesting post. Perhaps I'll comment on current events. Perhaps I'll philosophize about the good. Perhaps I'll discuss a social or cultural concern. And every week I have no desire to write and nothing good to write about. It's sad. However, I can say a few random things that have come to mind.

Perhaps I'm getting a bit egocentric, but I am rather tired of my own weirdness. Nobody around here tells me that I'm strange, but I know they're thinking it. How do I know? Because I've been around enough to know. Some days it would be nice just to be an ordinary person and to see the world the same way everyone else sees it. I laugh when I should not laugh, I get all teary when things are not sad enough to cry, I always forget to put the specifics in when I'm talking to people. And then I have days when I just want to hide under my desk and write or something. I am tired of having to be around people. But it's my job. Paper, people and phones, that's life.

How do you stop worrying about what other people think? It really does not matter. It never has. Still, sometimes I cannot help but wonder. I want to know that I'm doing a good job at work, I want to know that I have friends. I want to be an ordinary person. I want to have the confidence I pretend to have. Sometimes I remember that I'm really just a facade. It's bothersome, because I want to be myself. I get so comfortable presenting a face that I hardly notice until I become irritated with myself. This is one of those moments.

There's only one person besides myself whom I cannot fool and that's God. Perhaps my irritation at myself is His way of reminding me that I'm not as clever as I think I am. Or something like that.

Why even present a disguise to everyone else? It's not like I'm a psycho. It's not like most of us are psychos and we still tend to present a face. It's almost a formality. You act like you're more normal than you are. But what the heck is normal? Perhaps it is because I am shy. I always say I am reserved and/or formal. But really, I'm just shy. That's only one of the weird things about me. Here's some more: I talk to myself, I make up stories in my head when I'm bored, I like to eat vegetables, I people watch, I never stop thinking even when I'm asleep, I make an effort to drink 8 glasses of water a day and usually succeed, I can only effectively work at my own desk (other people's desks make me uncomfortable), I'm happy when it's cloudy or it rains (until the 15th day of consecutive cloudiness) and I find random little things to be happy about that no else would care about in the slightest. I also talk incessently about nothing.

What can I say? I'm odd. Sometimes it gets to me. I hope I don't bore you again with a post like this . . .

Another Silly Story And A Basic Rant

The last two or three days could only be termed the beginning of "Esther ditz week." On Monday I left my coffee at home. On Tuesday I locked my keys, purse, cell phone and everything in my car. Today, I made someone cry because I did not have enough information to keep from making someone cry.

No offense to those who have blonde hair. I understand that does not necessarily mean you are stupid. It's a colloquialism or a figure of speech when I say that I have had a lot of blonde moments this week. I'm just not as clever as I like to think that I am.

Oh yeah, the other ditzy thing I've done this week is to arrange an outdoor adventure that will probably take place in a snow storm. That is, if you keep up on the severe weather alerts. Actually, weather happens to you even if you do not keep up on severe weather alerts. Anyways, I'm praying that cold front passes us by.

Then there's this. Maybe I'm just in a bad mood, but I am a bit tired of our American wimpy-ness. Oh my gosh, it's a war, people are having trouble. Our personal lives have been disrupted. That evil George W. Bush. He wants marriages to break apart . . . What about people who live in countries that are in continuous conflict? The Sudan? Rwanda and Burundi? People who live in countries that must go to war in order to remain, well, a country? Israel? I'm just so tired of listening to Americans whine about how psychologically messed up we are by this war when most of us have never even felt the effects of it. Most of us do not even know someone who has been stationed in Iraq!

Also, if you're going to join the military, you might be deployed for a while. It's not like other jobs. Having a griping article about how tough it is to be away from one's family is, well, like duh. That's in the job description. Gah! People!

We've turned into a nation of drama queens.

Yay!

It's my birthday! I'm so happy. I have nothing to say, really. I think I will always enjoy birthdays, even when I am turning 80.

Help! Help! I'm Being Repressed!

That, my generous readers, is the cry of the liberal in consternation over the hell hole into which GWB has transformed our once free and fair country. Everywhere you look you can see the tell tale signs. We have only read about them before, from history books on Hitler's Germany, in George Orwell's 1984, in that other book A Brave New World. Yes, it's all true now. If you say something bad about the government before you go to bed, you will be found dead in your cornflakes the next morning -- if you're lucky!

Okay. Yeah. One of my fellow students made the comment yesterday that she does "not support George Bush or his regime." She's a political science student. Regime is a very specific word. All I could think was that the bureaucracies have not changed, nor the structure of the government. Bush will not be in power when his term ends. Therefore, the regime is still the same. I have noted this idea of Bush's regime on other occasions and never gave it much thought until now. Now, that I am daily surrounded by the unthinking actions of the general public. People really do not take the time to think things through thoroughly. However, I did not start this in order to turn it into a gripe about illogical people. Rather, I began it to point out the slide toward extreme reasoning and emotions that our nation has taken.

It reminds me very much of the polarization that tore the country apart before the Civil War. This time, there is no physical boundary between the differences of opinion. Yet they are still very strong. Differences of opinion are no laughing matter either. One cannot get away with saying that everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Some people's opinions are more equal than others. Or, to be blunt, we all think we're right and everyone else is wrong. We're not going to politely say that we're right, however. We're not going to calmly say, "I disagree." No, that is an inappropriate response. You have to scream your opponent down and make him wish he had never even thought about addressing you. That's the right way to do things. Make a public scene, throw a fit. Be a two year old in the grocery store whose mommy won't buy you more candy.

Which brings me back to the idea of our oppressive government. If our government were so oppressive, why is there no evidence of this? Why is it that we can make a public scene about how awful our government is and receive no consequences? Why aren't there people dead in their cornflakes the day after an enourmous protest?

Because our government is still an orderly, controlled government. That's why. And because the only power it has usurped from us, is the power we gave it. That's still not enough power to condemn us to death for one temper tantrum in front of the White House.

Time

I seem to have some time all of a sudden. Actually, it's borrowed time. I've come down with a nasty cold or something. I am always the last one to get these. Hence, all of my co-workers were home sick last week. Now it's my turn. Hopefully I can avoid being too sick for more than one day.

Since I have come into some time, I thought I'd write a bit on here and maybe work myself out of this latest stint of writer's block.

I've been considering what to write for NaNoWriMo this year. Oh yes, despite my work schedule and my class, I still plan to write 50,000 words come November. I do not plan on missing a NaNoWriMo until I'm so old my fingers do not work to type anymore. Even then, I plan to use my nose to punch the keys.

My book plan has changed over and over, going from one story to another in the hopes of creating something decent and over 50,000 words. Still, nothing sits very well with me this year. I guess I'm not focused. I'm definitely feeling anticipatory. I mean, I'm practically jumping up and down with excitement at the thought of November and staying up late to work on my next novel project. So far my best plots are either science fiction or fantasy. Even the realistic ones have an element of the fantastical. That's just me. I'm thinking that I may write the second book in a series that I started working on my sophmore year of college. It's amusing that I still have not finished the first book in that series. It has a few chapters remaining to be written.

I'm going to end up as one of those people with all sorts of things written and nothing published if I do not watch it. It's all about taking risks, isn't it? Nobody likes to take risks. It's difficult enough just sitting down and writing the first draft. The very idea of showing it to people, having it critiqued and then finding an agent who can get it published! It's very daunting, to say the least.

I suppose I've fought tougher battles than that however, not longer ones, but tougher ones. Getting out to D.C. to do my internship there was definitely a struggle. I can still remember two weeks before classes got out for Christmas break, 5 weeks before I was to be in D.C., going to my professor to tell him I did not think I would be able to go after all. I had paid for housing, I had an internship all set up, I even had people willing to drive me out to D.C. I prefer not to explain exactly why I did not think I could go, it touches the lives and false promises of a few too many people and would be both discourteous and unprofessional. Suffice it to say, it happened. And it reminded me of my long time motto: If you stop trying when things get tough you will never know what would have happened if you had only tried a little harder. Cheesy, I know. But that's me, proving that cheesy can work no matter how cheesy it is.

Now that I've given myself a pep talk I guess I should edit the book I was supposed to have fully edited by September 21st.

Just One Question

It seems that every time someone attempts to open the doors of civil debate and discussion about Islam, the Muslims riot, kill people and burn things. After a while it gets me to wondering if Islam is a "religion of peace," or if that's just a glossed over way of trying to appease people who are otherwise rather crazy.

I hate to stereotype but come on people! What ever happened to just saying, "I disagree"? How do you expect people to take your opinion seriously when you cannot give your opinion without killing somebody?

Google May Lose A Customer

I am seriously considering switching this blog from blogger to Wordpress. I have a wordpress account. I need to spend some more time working on it, and will definitely import everything written here onto it if I decide to make the switch. The truth is, I have been annoyed at google since they agreed to censor searches about human rights in China. Yeah, I have principles and I like to stick with them.

I've been training a temp this week so I had no time to write and was too tired when I got home. Then my temp got a real job and now I have to start all over training a different temp on Monday. You can guess how thrilled I am. If this one leaves too I'm gonna tell my bosses that I do not want anymore temps. Training people is twice as difficult as doing your work by yourself. I'm behind and will only get more behind now that I'm back to square one with training. I've been mentally exhausted all week. Hence the not posting.

People Can Be Very Sick And Twisted

I read this in astonishment. That parents would go to such depths just so their sad, unmotivated kids can get good grades! It kinda takes living vicariously through one's children to whole new levels. How awful. In most cases the kids probably are not doing as well in school because they have psychotic parents who care more about the letter A than their own child's health.

Ah, Logic #4

I do not often agree with Jonah Goldberg, but here is one instance where he echoed my thoughts.

What's Up With Me?

Because I am sure my generous readership is wondering, I'm going to post an update with a few interesting muses. My work life is relatively stressful, just enough to make it interesting. I have been moving offices for the last week and will continue to do that for the rest of this week. It's somewhat disheartening as I have now lost my beautiful office with the windows. It has been replaced by a cubicle in a large room where everyone can hear what I am saying at all times and whisper about me when they don't think I can hear them. Currently I have about 4 square feet of space. Oh, and there are no windows in this room as it's in the middle of the building. I did not have much of a view in my old office, but at least I could tell what the weather was doing.

I have begun taking a class in the Zulu language. It's interesting. My prof is from South Africa, and he has an interesting perspective on a lot of different things, culturally speaking. The other students in the class are mostly stupid as rocks, potential activists who hate all things American. They also think that America caused all the world's problems dating back to the 15th century A.D., possibly even earlier than that. I have not yet pointed out the fact that America did not exist in any form other than some land out there in the wide open at that time, and I'm sure it would be intolerant of their views if I did tell them that. To give an example, today our prof discussed colonization and how it destroyed a lot of South African culture. He referenced the various European cultures that imposed colonization. Suddenly, a fellow student made a statement about evil Americans and our prof began discussing American imperialism. I was thrown for a loop. I'm not going to say that America has helped Africa, but we certainly never colonized them.

In short, I am getting fodder for thought and receiving a taste of mainstream academia in a higher dosage than I have ever experienced before. I am so thankful that I went to the 'Dale. Anyone out there looking for a college? Choose a place like Hillsdale College where they teach you to think and give you mostly accurate information about historical matters.

Crikey! That's Sad!

If any of you haven't heard the news, Steve Irwin the "Crocodile Hunter" is dead. I honestly think it's very tragic that a creature killed him. It is somewhat ironic that sting rays kill almost nobody. This is sad and almost as bizarre as Fidel Castro's death would be. I thought for sure, Steve Irwin would live to a ripe old age and no creature would ever get him. He was crazy and fearless, like one of those people who jumps down volcanoes or runs into hurricanes. Except that he almost got eaten by scary animals or bitten by venomous snakes. As weird as the guy was, I did enjoy watching his show when I got the chance and I'm very sad for his wife and kids.

Kindness Is Painful

That's the impression I get from most people, be they customer service representatives, customers or random people you happen to speak to for no particular reason. It's easier, for most people, to assume that I'm some idiot who wants to eat their babies and react to me as if that was the case, then it is for them to assume that I want to know how to get to a certain road or building and have no map to tell me where that place is. Raise your hand if you've ever said something to a person you just met and had them freeze up and act like you're an idiot. My favorite question goes something like this: "What did I ever do to you?"

I especially remember the pain of kindness from when I worked in a photolab a couple years ago. It was very difficult for people to be nice to me. You know how you catch more flies with honey? Yeah, few people go by that rule. Most would rather make the person serving them feel absolutely dreadful before having to do something for them. Even Machiavelli would disagree with that take on how you treat other people.

What is the difficulty in just being nice to somebody? Why do we assume that everyone is out to take advantage of us and treat everyone like crap? I often wonder about this. It came to mind a lot the other day when my computer got moved to a different office a week ahead of schedule. I decided to be nice and let the guy move it because he was confused and had already moved half the stuff and did not want to put it back. I was annoyed, but I tried to thank him for his help in getting me set up on a different computer and finding the emails I had lost because I stupidly saved them to my old hard disk and did not have time to move them to a different file. My other co-workers, who got moved as well, were a lot less willing to be nice. Understandable, yes. However, it did not cost me a thing to be nice. Everyone has bad days and it was apparent that our IT department was having a bad day. Sometimes I mix things up and look like an idiot too. Why should I get mad when someone else does the same thing? They probably felt bad enough already and did not need my scathing criticism to make them feel worse. So, I did my best to stay out of the way and made sure that my computer worked before letting them get back to their regularly scheduled day.

The moral of the story: next time my computer breaks there will be happier people willing to fix it. The same goes for a lot of areas of work. I have been yelled at quite often as a customer service representative. Now, I am never one to sabotage someone's photos that they are paying for. But I do take pride in my work. If a person treated me like crap, I did not take pride in my work anymore. I normally did not bother to look at their photos, much less make sure they were not too dark or poorly centered. If they took bad photos, they got bad photos. Treating someone like crap to get what you want does nothing to motivate them to do good work.

Why does it hurt so much to be kind? After all, in the long run, you'll get better service if you're nice. I will conclude with another story. My alma mater's cafeteria serves fresh made omelets every Sunday and I used to get an omelet each week. One time, a young man who was very good at making omelets made mine. I told him not to put cheese on it, and he forgot. So when I came back he was just finishing it and asked if I wanted cheese again. I told him I did not. He gave me the omelet. I started eating it and realized that cheese had been cooked all through it. I was so angry. After a few minutes I brought the omelet back, told him that I had asked for no cheese because I will get sick if I eat cheese and he should have just told me that he had forgot and put cheese in the omelet. I then said that I did not have time to wait for another one, so I'd just eat something else. I was polite, but firm. In the ensuing weeks, that guy always made sure that nobody put cheese in my omelets and he was really nice. You know, it should not hurt to treat someone nicely even when they mess up and they will treat you with greater respect in the long run. If it does hurt, then you may want to get some therapy or something.