Time Waits For No One

Sometimes I pause to wonder what I have accomplished in my life and if I will ever accomplish anything. Looking at people who are much younger than myself and are already famous and seem fairly well balanced scares me a little. Perhaps I should not compare myself to others. I know, we all do it. It's probably only a discouragement in the long term. Maybe it pushes me a little to work on the goals I have for my life. But then again, maybe it just makes me cycle into a few moments of self pity that will never help me get anywhere.

I want to be an author. I have completed the second draft of a fantasy novel. I am tied up working on the second draft of a science fiction novel -- my current masterpiece. It requires a few more chapters added to the middle of the book, a new ending (I have planned for that) and a total revamping of the bad guy character. He's too stupid. I also want to do something consequential with my life. Like being the CEO of a company or something. Someday it might be nice to use my poli-sci background writing for a political journal of some kind. Oh yeah, and I would like to have a family at some point in all this.

I know I said a while back I was thinking of going into psychology or social work. I changed my mind. Among other things I do not have the drive to spend the amount of time necessary to learn all that. However, I did have an alternative idea -- suggested to me actually -- about going to grad school for Public Administration. I have been looking at the universities in my area and have discovered one very good PA Masters program. So, now I have to study for the GRE and take it. Another scary beginning step.

There are many things I want to be and it seems only one thing that I am: a dreamer. I hope that changes sometime in the near future. After all, I am not getting any younger.

The Dull And The Witless

Those of you who know me, even a little, know that I am a big, big fan of the great American Western. You have probably already seen my review of 3:10 to Yuma. I expect a lot in a Western. If you're going to take the time to make one I think you should do your research into everything. It is unfortunate that over the last two or three decades the art of the Western was all but lost. One time watching The Quick and the Dead showed me that. There was only one instance in the entire movie where it even paid homage to the traditional Western. That was right before Gene Hackman's and Russell Crowe's characters had their shoot out. All of a sudden the entire style of the movie changed: the actors carried the story instead of the stupid, gritty lines; the camera pulled back showing that beautiful long shot that includes both gunmen, the back of one and the front of the other facing him down the street. All at once they took seriously the cinematography and other attributes that have made Westerns so wonderful to watch. Then we went back to a total '90s spin off with random close ups, stupid angles, short shots and pathetic dialog.

Maybe you think I am more finicky than an obsessive compulsive at a crime scene. I do not really know or care. I have come to expect a certain amount of excellence and adherence to tradition from a Western movie. It needs real drama, good lines, good acting, flow, beautiful scenery and, of course, the Western themes. It needs to make one think about building civilization from scratch and bringing law and order to a beautiful yet seemingly Godforsaken territory. The Dull and the Witless, excuse me, The Quick and the Dead does none of this.

Instead, it takes an idea and creates a catastrophe. Here was the idea on the drawing board:

"Let's make another movie like Maverick, that sold well! But let's make it more, um, uh, extreme, yeah! We need a contest, hmm, how about they have to kill each other instead of play cards? So, they have to be really fast on the draw, don't they do that in Westerns a lot? (My comment: no doofus, it is preferable to have one very suspenseful shoot out in a Western.) Yeah, that'd be awesome. And we can have an evil guy in charge of an entire town, like Stalin, or, or something, who was Stalin anyway? But instead of doing the usual roughing people up and taking their money and land like in all the old Westerns let's have him come up with a contest every year so he can pick off the people who might want to shoot him later. (My comment: Those were usually the weakest Westerns anyway -- except for Shane -- but I should note that no one could ever pin the badguy down as the badguy, they just knew he was behind all that crap.) Wow, this is great. We're really coming up with some good sh**. Keep it rolling. What else doe we need? Well, we need Sharon Stone's breasts, or at least one of them. That would make it work as a movie. No one would remember any of the lines or anything if we can get Sharon Stone to flash 'em. What else? I know, let's make it super serious and do cool things with the camera. You know I always liked it how in soap operas they get the camera really, freakin' close to the actor's face. But I think we should turn it at an angle to be more extreme and more cool . . . And slow motion, we have to have slow motion, tons of it! Like, awesome!"

So then they made the movie and it's not very good. Need I say more?

Contrast And Comparison

Recently I decided to watch my all time favorite movie, Pride and Prejudice (1995) the BBC miniseries version. I have only watched this 5 hour movie in one sitting twice in my life. The first time was post final exams my first semester freshman year. The second time was right before my colonoscopy the day that I had to consume nothing but liquids and got to drink some really nasty prescribed beverages in the evening hours. Each time I watch this movie I notice something different. And believe me, I've watched it a lot. I almost have it memorized, there's no real reason for me to keep watching it I suppose. I still find it fresh and interesting, despite these facts. I still notice something new also. I believe the BBC version is truly the best because it portrays the subtleties of the book without making them too plain. The conversation behind the conversation is almost always there. The main difference between the miniseries and the 2005 -- short -- version of Pride and Prejudice is the aspect of subtlety. The 2005 version was not able to maintain it's subtlety and thus is somewhat lacking (although the cinematography and musical score are outstanding in comparison to the 1995 BBC version). I digress.

This time watching the miniseries I noticed something that I think a lot of people miss. Most of the time I hear people talk about how wonderful Mr. Darcy is. How much he gave to win Lizzie, what a gentleman he is. Women want to marry him and men are intimidated by him. He's basically supposed to be the sexiest, most ideal man in English literature. People leave out a few important bits of the story in forming these opinions of Mr. Darcy. Specifically, I find it interesting that at the end of the movie Mr. Darcy thanks Lizzie for saving him from a life of "pride and conceit." I cannot remember if that's in the book as clearly as it is in the movie. But I think it is still important.

The fact is, I have always wondered if no one else noticed the offensive manner of Mr. Darcy's first proposal to Lizzie. Lizzie was completely in the right to chastise him the way she did. Moreover, her response to his proposal proves what a strong character she is in the story. Any other woman would have gone for Mr. Darcy for his money and prestige alone. In fact, he expected Lizzie to do just that. This expectation shows the audience that Mr. Darcy was not the ideal man after all. He was far too arrogant to realize that love might be more important to a woman in his society than money and position, or security. Yes, perhaps Lizzie was blinded by her prejudices, but she had every right to turn down that proposal even without the prejudice bit.

Speaking of Lizzie's prejudices, I find it funny that so many people are so willing to judge her on that. We all know women who have succumbed to the male sob story. Some of us have even done that. Yet we automatically think ill of Lizzie for believing Mr. Wickham. Wickham did seem sincere in his attempt to win her sympathy. Furthermore, he was not stupid enough to think that Lizzie would have run away with him like Lydia did. It is clear to me that Wickham did admire, respect and even possibly love Lizzie. The only way he could think to get her attention and goodwill was the sob story. Yes, he used her to gain a general good opinion in her town. But he obviously knew he could not actually take advantage of her. I think that he had some idea that she was the unattainable woman; the one too strong for him to get. And I think in that sense he did want her. Besides all that, how could she have known he was a liar? Mr. Darcy was too proud to make his own matters public and show the world what kind of a man Wickham was. Lizzie had only the word of the one who seemed nicer to go on. Mr. Darcy did kind of insult her in public at a ball once and made no efforts to be nice anywhere she saw him.

No, I am not saying that Lizzie is not at all to blame. It does behoove us to consider with care the stories told us about what's wrong with other people. We should assess people's actions against their words. It is best not to believe ill rumors about someone before we get to know the person. But I do find it funny that people let Mr. Darcy off so easily just because he loved Lizzie. If he had loved her so much than he should have cared enough about her not to insult all her loved ones to her face when he proposed to her. He should have bothered to get to know her and realized that she would not marry a man who she did not love and who treated her like he did.

In the end, it is clear that Lizzie's obstinacy had a good effect on Mr. Darcy. He learned to have patience and he learned to set aside his pride. Lizzie is a very strong female character, one that women can appreciate and respect, yet one who is fallible. Why is this part of the story so often overlooked?

Enjoy The Blather

Memogate is back and it's funnier than ever. Here's an article by Jonah Goldberg that -- surprisingly -- describes my feelings on the subject. (I am not always or often in agreement with Mr. Goldberg, but this time, yeah.) My gosh, there's been too much good stuff in the news recently. I'm becoming a parrot.

Run Screaming!

Hillary's universal health care plan is scary beyond all reason. That is, what small details have been leaked. Aside from costing an arm a leg and an extra million from each taxpayer, the plan mandates that you must have health insurance before having a job. It also regulates private health insurance. Am I the only one who wants to run screaming from this woman and her plan?

What The Hell?

. . . as Churchill so eloquently said one time. Our money is changing. Just goes to show that the whole idea of centralizing control of money is stupid (or should I say loony?). I'm not entirely sure what to make of this yet. Maybe the dollar will grow again someday.

I am betting that Ron Paul is the only presidential candidate who will discuss this issue in a sensible manner.

The Book With No Title

For those who are the least bit interested -- and those who are not -- in the book I have finished I will furnish you with a description. The short, boring version of the description is that it's a fantasy book, set in a fantasy world and it's the first in a series. And no, it's not published, I finished the second draft. I am going to have some people read it for me and work on corrections before sending it off to an agent or two (or three or four . . . ). In the meantime, I am going to take a break. Now for the more exciting description. . .

He's not the Chosen One, he's not destined for greatness, he's not even well paid. This is the story of Delano, an ordinary guy working at a local pub who happened to steal some of the beverages one day and was served a swift termination of employment to his tail bone. Having no life skills, Delano would not have made it far -- until he got tangled up in a supernatural struggle between (you guessed it) good and evil. Now he just has to figure out whose side he's on. And find the silver cabinet.

Edit: A more accurate and informal description can be found on my livejournal.

Signs Of The Apocalypse

I finished writing a book. Need I say more? Wow, I almost feel like I should share an excerpt or something just to make this moment even more special and properly celebrated.

I feel somehow calm and listless. But it's only the calm before the storm of NaNoWriMo 2007! Registration begins soon.

Plain Speak

My friend Emily brought my attention to this article about the way we use words. I thought it was too good to pass up posting a link to. It's fun to think about how we beat around the bush when we talk.

I am a very direct and blunt person. I am careful about how much I say when I talk, but that's about it. I often say the wrong thing, often in perfect honesty. People tend to find me strange because of this. Keeping my mouth shut is the best way to avoid saying something weird. But, no matter. I hate beating around the bush and I hate flattery and manipulation. I always see through it. At the same time, I have an extreme sense of appropriateness. Certain things should not be said at certain times or places; certain things should only be said in the nicest way possible. I will hold to my hardheadedness on that until the day I die. I think most people are a conglomeration of contradictions. This may be one of mine. I speak plain, but I think it's right to speak careful (I'm not always successful at either of these). Point is, it's fun to think about how we use words and how we view the way we talk to each other.

11:20 To Russell Crowe

I arrived home about twenty minutes ago from seeing the movie 3:10 to Yuma. Now that is a thing worth seeing, especially if you like Westerns. I have to say that Russell Crowe is, well, he's a guy worth looking at. But more than that, he and Christian Bale are definitely the two most badass white guy actors out there. I should add that this movie is a Western, which means there's lots of gun fighting, some heroics, a hell of a lot of ambiguity and interesting themes and not too much that can actually be described as "badass."

I think one of my favorite things about Westerns are the endings. They are never conspicuously happy. In fact, if you see a Western with an overwhelmingly happy ending, it's probably a hokey one that I would hate. The traditional Western ending is ambiguous. Even the movie The Searchers is like that. Yes, they finally do rescue the girl who got kidnapped and bring her home. But her sister got killed. And a lot of other people get killed. And in the end the audience sees everyone running into the house happy and excited that the girl is still alive and finally home except John Wayne's character. He stands outside the house watching the merrymaking, but unable to take part in it. He was the one who actually went the extra mile -- and extra 5 years in this case -- to rescue the girl and bring her home. The thing I'm trying to say is that the Western never tries to trick you into believing that life is or should be a cakewalk. Even the very end is not a "happily ever after." Yes, the bad guy often gets his due, yes a few of the good people usually do survive. No, that does not mean that everything will be peachy forever.

Yuma incorporates this reality, just as much as it incorporates every other great Western theme that I have come to know and love. It's very character centric, asking the questions of what makes a man a hero or a coward through dialog and action. It portrays the man outside of society as -- in Aristotle's words -- either a "beast or a god." Some of the good guys are just as horrible and mean spirited as the bad guys. Nothing is cut and dried. But you know that Dan Evans (Christian Bale) will keep going no matter what. You are not surprised by the respect that Ben Wade (Russell Crowe) the outlaw has for Dan Evans. You are happy to see Dan Evans' son learning to love and respect his father at last.

I'm not going to tell you the story because I think you should go watch the movie for that. I just love the way they pulled off this movie. The dialog was amazing, but there was not too much of it. It happens so rarely that script writers and directors allow the actors the chance to make the movie work with acting rather than lines. I don't think there was word out of place in this movie. It was all so perfect, so geared to make the audience see what the characters were thinking and feeling. The acting was superb. I cannot even begin to describe it. Somebody should get an award, but I'm not sure who. The pacing was another rare treat. It did not move too fast. So often people want more action and less character development. This movie has both. But by not giving us too much action all at once the filmmakers were able to draw out the audience's sense of suspense. That made the ending so much sweeter; so much more worth the wait.

Yup, I'll be buying this one on dvd. I recommend you watch it.

Busy, Busy, Busy

The last few weeks have been busier than normal for me. That is because I have a job. If I am not commenting on others blogs as often then I am sure you can understand why. So far my job is going well.

The generic description of my job is this: I help people with disabilities learn living skills. The exciting description is unknown to me. I have many heretofore unspoken reasons for choosing to work in this type of environment. The biggie would be that I am thinking about returning to school to get either a degree in psychology or a masters in social work. I believe I can go right into grad school, it does not really matter what my undergrad was in for that. There is of course, one other possibility. If I end up absolutely hating my job then I might get a masters in public administration and then head back to state and local government. Yes, choices, choices. But one should always have backup plans I think.

I have never been that great with people. My main response is simply to listen. Giving advice is not always easy and I do not think that I am often right. Which is why I try to withhold my thoughts of advice on a lot of things. More practical things where it does not matter so much if you go wrong are a lot easier to give advice about. But real things like relationships are a bit too complex. So, this possible new vocation is definitely going to be a challenge if I go through with it. On the other hand, I am great when it comes to administrative stuff. Maybe that's why the psychology route interests me more. For once I am trying to cultivate a skill I am not naturally good at instead of going with the easy choice. Maybe I did learn my lesson about that when I could not get into the political spectrum before. I like to volunteer my time for a cause, but I do not want to put 40+++ hours a week into politics except in reading and writing. I am an analyst and an armchair politician. I like being that. I am not a great leader of people. Besides, when it comes right down to it, Jesus said that those who wish to be great should humble themselves and serve others. If I am not led astray by the strange notions I will hear about social work and psychology then perhaps I can learn to be a better servant.

Mass Media

I have read at least four different articles concerning Ron Paul's candidacy in the last two days alone. Naturally, each article asserts that Paul will not make it anywhere -- naturally. They all say it like that too: "Of course, he's not going to win, of course, but we're going to talk about how he's not going to win, of course." Still, it's interesting that he's becoming news, finally. Most of the articles also group his political views together in such a way that they do not make sense. They call him anti-war. It's funny how two years ago it was bad to be a "warmongering Republican neo-con." Now it's bad to be anti-war. Not to mention the fact that this generalization fails to explain anything about Paul's views on the War in Iraq. That's beside the point to most journalists, I guess.

Here is an article that actually explains some of Ron Paul's views fairly well. Naturally, the writer thinks Ron Paul's candidacy will go nowhere, naturally. But she did actually do some research into his views, actually. She might need to put in some more efforts researching the Cold War and how the U.S. dealt with that. I think it's rather difficult to describe anything so complex in a short article and people should stop trying. All the same, I applaud her for saying that not all Paul supporters are fringe weirdos, even though she then implied that all Paul supporters are fringe weirdos. Ah, people. They need to put some thought into their analysis sometimes.

Plot Notes

The advent of fall has got me thinking about NaNoWriMo. Funny how two years ago I did not even know about this phenomenon, now it defines my October and November. I am not sure yet what I will write this coming November. I could do about half a dozen sequels to various other works I have written and half written. Or I could make up something totally new. I even have a few non-fantasy plots kicking around in my brain. That's a first. I keep trying to come up with ways to make said plots have fantastical elements or make them sci-fi. Maybe I will go with that.

I don't know. I have to get excited about a plot to write it. The problem with that is that in order to be excited about a story I need to know where it's going. With so many plots in mind it's difficult to know any one of them in detail enough to be terribly excited about writing it. In my head I keep switching from plot to plot wondering where exactly each one is going. What is the contention that makes it interesting? I just don't know yet. In the meantime I have tons of editing to get done on my 2005 NaNo novel in order to have it shipshape by October 31st. That is my goal after all. Get that second draft completed before I write another plot. I have one other first draft of a novel to edit and another 9/10ths of a first draft to finish and edit. I have no end of work to do when it comes to writing. And I'm busy worrying about what my next plot will be. I'm just crazy . . .

A Good Latte Is A Thing Of Beauty

In honor of this most auspicious occasion, I purchased a latte. I would also like to make today special by telling you of some of the odd, little things that make me happy. Today is indeed a wonderful day, because on this day I got my chauffeur's license. And on this day, I have been reinstated as a safe and good driver. This past Saturday was my first attempt to get my chauffeur's license. It is a day that will live in infamy. For on that day, I lost my license to Agent Sh**face, the bastard bureaucrat and enemy of all the thinking people. But we will not think of that day; only this day and the joy it has redeemed.

Odd things that make me happy:

Sipping a warm hazelnut latte on a crisp fall morning. Standing with my arms out and letting the warm rain fall down upon me. Hearing a song that I have not heard since I was a kid -- but it's a good song -- played on my favorite radio station. That I can stream my favorite radio station online. Writing a sentence of prose that sounds wonderful when it's read out loud. Hiking in the woods and taking the time to look at the shadows of dappled leaf patterns that cover the ground as the sun shines through the trees. Lying cozy and warm in a sleeping bag (in a cabin hopefully) and listening to the quiet of a peaceful lake where only the loons and the lapping water break the silence. Catching a fish -- but not baiting the hook. Climbing a tree. Mozilla Firefox. Eating fresh cotton candy. Feeling the heat of a warm day wrap me up inside it. Delicious food that looks beautiful. The scent of lilacs wafting through the warm spring air. Bees buzzing on a summer day. Looking out across the fields and knowing that I will always love the country more than the city. That funny smile you get from a stranger who is having just as good a day as you are and wants to share it with you. A stunningly emotional book that changes how I think and feel. The last sentence of a book, when the journey is done and all that is left is this one poignant line. A catchy chorus in a good song. Those moments in life when I see my future laid out before me and it seems so clear what I must do -- they never last, but they leave an impression. A dream, not the kind you have at night. Rather the kind that fills you up with inspiration and makes you walk out the door full of confidence in God's goodness and His purpose in your life. And, last but not least, knowing that I am a good driver and I have a driver's license.

Aggravation Thy Name Is Bureaucracy

For my new job -- yes, I did get it -- I require a chauffeur's license. So, I called the DMV, BMV, DOT, SOS, SOB, whatever name you happen to call the state agency in charge of issuing driver's licenses. All I wanted to know was what test I need to take to get the license and if I need to make an appointment. I knew I would have to take the driving test. However, I wanted to make sure I would not have to take a written test or (horror of all horrors) another eye test.

The woman I spoke with first asked me for my driver's license number. I had already stated the purpose of my call when she asked this. When I gave it to her she said it would not come up. When I tried to give the number to her again she got impatient obviously annoyed that I thought she was so incompetent as to enter the number wrong. What was I supposed to do? Either she entered it wrong, or my driver's license is a fluke that will not come up in their system. I'm invisible to my government, as Hillary would say -- and boy, would I like to be invisible to my government. So, next she asked for my name, then she wanted to know why I was calling again. I went through it again. I need to get a non-commercial chauffeur's license and wanted to know what tests I would have to take. She asked me if I was going to be a taxi driver. Well, no. I explained my situation and she got even more annoyed. She asked me if I was going to be driving a huge truck. Ah, why didn't she say that to begin with?

I finally figured out that all I need is a driving test and I have to show up and take it, no appointment necessary. But I ask you, why is it that bureaucrats must come up with every way of beating it around the bush before they can ask you a simple, direct question? Also, why is it that I have to pay to get my driver's license? Don't I pay enough in taxes already? Shouldn't the single, only service that my county government seems to provide be paid for by the fact that they take my hard earned money? Lastly, why do I have to jump through hoops to get this license? I can drive. I have a perfect record, shouldn't that tell these idiots something? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

The Wrong Trousers

Sometimes I wake up like Wallace in Wallace & Gromit in The Wrong Trousers feeling like I'm wearing a pair of robotic pants that have taken me down the street in the wrong direction for more years than I can tell. At least, emotionally I feel that way. It's not a depressing feeling, merely a melancholy one and it passes within a few hours. Always. Still, it happens. I know it has nothing to do with my life situation. I only feel better and better about that.

It's more like the feeling you get when you reach the end of a very good book and the author throws out one of those deeply moving lines that kinda gets you right here. And it is coupled with a feeling of wasted time. Sometimes I feel like I've wasted time in waiting to have kids. Then I remember all the things I can still do without having to find a babysitter or daycare. Sometimes I feel like I have wasted time in not finishing and trying to sell my book. Then again, I am still going strong on it. It will finish eventually. Sometimes I feel like I have wasted time not completing all my random projects and scrapbooks. Again, I'm not that broken up over them. Nor do I think that "wrong trousers" moments relate only to stuff I need to do.

No, it's more like the way the character Holly Golightly (Audrey Hepburn) explained the "mean reds" in the movie Breakfast at Tiffany's. "Suddenly you're afraid and you don't know what you're afraid of." Something like that, except that I'm not really that afraid. I'm more worried and spent, like I've used up all my emotional capital making choices that did not in the end complete the task I wanted to complete. In fact, they did not come near completing it. I'm just left wondering if I'll ever get it right or if I'm just so fundamentally flawed that I can't figure out what getting it right even means.

Outdated But True

Finally, someone who does not give J.K. Rowling more credit than is her due! Here is an article about Snape -- written before the 7th book -- by Orson Scott Card. I think he makes a lot of sense. It is especially worth mentioning that he does not think Rowling intentionally inserts a lot of the themes in the Harry Potter books. Of course, he does not think most authors do that and with modern literature I would agree. Back on subject, he also points out where Harry is kind of a jerk in the books. I always wondered why no one seemed to care that whenever Snape accused Harry of lying and breaking the rules Harry was indeed lying and breaking the rules. Yeah, Snape's vindictive, but that does not mean he's entirely wrong to distrust Harry and company.

Internet Exploder Version 6.66

I am aware that the current version of Internet Explorer (aka the Version of the Beast) is displaying my blog improperly. I am attempting to fix this. In the meantime, try Firefox.

. . . So Uncompromisingly Inferior!

Today I voted in my first Iowa Straw Poll. It was quite an experience. The experience was heightened by the fact that I chose to volunteer at the Straw Poll not for my candidate, but for the Iowa GOP. Let me tell you, if I ever volunteer for them again it will be too soon.

Okay, okay, you want results. Here ya go. Now, stop spoiling my story with your questions.

First, I arrived to learn that the medium size Straw Poll t-shirts did not come in and I was going to have to wear an enormous shirt. Medium would have been huge on me anyway, why can't anyone order smalls? I went to the restroom and came swimming out in my new, giant orange t-shirt. I swam up to the volunteer orientation. Once there I learned in completely uncertain terms how I was supposed to credential and check people in so they could vote. I then proceeded -- swimmingly and confusedly -- down the stairs to wait in a packed horde outside while our leader figured out which direction to take us in.

Fearless vague leader (FVL) took us to our building and requested all the good typists to sit behind the computers. Being a good typist I took my seat. I was soon accompanied by a fine, upstanding young volunteer with all the spirit and drive of a regular Iowan. She was great. FVL told us that we would be taking only student and military IDs. Then another leader came up to us and he shall be called confuzzled leader (CL). CL told us that we would take only driver's licenses. FVL came back and we asked her, she said that we would take driver's licenses, student ids and military ids. Then we learned that people with military ids and student ids had to fill out "voter registration" forms. No one knew if they had to fill the form out before or after they voted. It took us 15 minutes to get that news flash from FVL. Then we noticed we had no ballots. We were told that we would get to vote before all the other people. At 9:30am to be exact. Then they switched that to 9:45am. The ballots did not show up until 5 to 10. CL came back and said we would have to wait until later to vote (thus crushing the whole point of being a volunteer -- to vote first and with no lines) and he let the struggling masses into the building.

The masses were generally pleasant. I got cussed out twice. Once by a state trooper who thought it was ridiculous that I had to use his driver's license for an ID instead of his state trooper license. When we explained that the various campaigns had settled on certain rules the guy called me and the helpful fellow doing the explaining some unspeakable names and produced his driver's license. The second time I got cussed out it was by a fellow who could not fathom the fact that we wanted him to put ink on his finger. He was convinced that we were fingerprinting people because we had some napkins there in case anyone wanted to blot their finger so the ink would not get all over their clothes. This guy had some very choice words and would not listen to my nearly shouted explanation despite the fact that I explained three times. He kept coming back to cuss me out again! You would think he would have noticed the complete lack of fingerprinting equipment other than pink ink on an ink-pad . . . Iow-idiots, gotta love 'em.

So, other than that people were nice and listened. I must say, however, being around so many Iowans at once was daunting. They're great people most of the time. But they do not make logical connections. For example, take the above paragraph. Furthermore, when you tell them which way to go they sometimes go in the opposite direction. We had several people walk out the wrong door carrying their ballots with them. The other thing that got me was our hardworking volunteers. Good people, but they had a tendency to forget simple facts. Like, say, the fact that no one without an Iowa photo ID (driver's license, student id or military id) was allowed to vote. I had the people at the table next to mine send a woman over so I could put her info in when all she had was a piece of paper with her name and address on it. Now I do not disbelieve her and I feel bad that she did not get to vote. But we had to stick to the campaign rules and I hate it when people put me on the spot by saying I can help someone when I cannot.

Sometimes I think there is not enough space in Iowa for me and all these Iowans. Don't get me wrong, I have learned a lot by living in this great state: Number 1) people will always go that extra mile for you if you need help. Number 2) if an Iowan is looking for a fight there is no way to sway that Iowan's opinion. And Number 3) Iow-idiots are out there, everywhere. I can take a few at a time and laugh along my merry way. But 33,000? That I simply cannot take with a smile on my face.

The Great Failing Of Homeschooling

I am walking out on a limb to talk about this one and I know it. It is a limb upon which I will make my stand. Basically, I know a lot of my family and friends read my blog. I ask that you do not take what I am about to say to be anything more than constructive criticism.

In my mind there is one true failing in the area of homeschooling. I was homeschooled all through grade school and highschool. That is how I can identify this failing. I would add that it was less of a failing in my home than it was in those of some of my friends I have talked to. I would also add that it could be considered a general failing of our time when it comes to the parents of my own generation.

This failing concerns a simple enough part of human existence, one that we all must come to terms with eventually. That is sex. The way I understand it many homeschool parents keep their children out of schools so they will not receive the negative messages and poor education that is widespread today. When it comes to sex education I believe the most negative message is the notion that parents are not doing a good enough job telling kids about this so the schools have to step in and do it for them. Unfortunately, this negative message is true in many cases. I have had many friends -- schooled and homeschooled -- whose parents never told them a single thing about sex. Unless of course the kid was female then the parents told them one thing. The parents at some time or other suspected that the child was engaging in intercourse, thus projecting a feeling of insecurity and untrustworthiness upon that child and making the child desire to be rebellious. Come on parents, I think you can all do better than this.

I am lucky in that my parents at least explained the mechanics to me. I am unlucky in that they were not open about it once "the talk" was said and done. If I had questions I had to resort to the dictionary, the biology book or a friend with a dirty mind. But at least I had some direction in the beginning. Granted that direction did not teach me to defend myself against temptation, nor did it teach me to watch for predators. In those areas I have merely been lucky or perhaps God gave me a wisdom beyond my years. The short truth is that I think today's parents -- especially homeschooling parents -- are all too apt to view sexual intercourse in a completely negative light. They respond to this belief by allowing their children to learn sex education from negative institutions and from less innocent kids who are insecure enough to talk about their sexual experiences and non-experiences. The fact is, not telling kids about sex or giving them no positive information to replace or balance all the weird stuff they hear only makes kids angry, rebellious and willing to explore that which they do not understand. It gives them no feelings of reverence whatsoever for what is a very beautiful gift of God.

It is a sad position to be in really. Knowing and hearing all your life that sex is a horrible thing that you are "going to do anyway." Or hearing nothing until you are subjected to immature people talking about it by giving way too much information for your sensitive little ears. All kids want is direction, explanation and openness. But all they get is the negative. Thus, the only way to figure anything out is to do exactly what parents keep telling you not to do. No, I have no confessions to make. I simply want to say that the negative idea of sex is not helping our teens and young adults.

It does not make any sense to me why homeschooling parents allow these negative impressions to affect their children. This comes after the parents specifically decided to teach the children at home so they would avoid the problems in our destructive education system. A little openness and positivity about sex could go a long way to making a kid feel more secure as he or she grows up. Why does sex have to be a big, dirty secret when many of us know otherwise? Many of us know that it is a beautiful thing that only makes our marriages more wonderful. People always say that "sex is not everything." And I agree, but when you refuse to allow anything but the pessimistic views of sex into an adolescent's mind then you are telling them that sex is everything. Everything they are not allowed to understand and thereby the forbidden fruit that they will wonder about all the time. Then you teach them to feel guilty about sex and when they finally get to the age where they are out from under parental constraints you wonder why pregnancy occurred too soon. Wonder no more. Take a stand on the limb which I have walked out on and, like the anti-drug commercials always say, talk to your kids.

Only A Dream?

I have now heard the argument from many people that "Ron Paul cannot win." While I disagree, I would also like to direct said people to this article which contains a letter about why a Ron Paul candidacy will help America even if he does not win. Ron Paul opens a dialog which we have not seen in American politics for many, many years. He inspires people who are not interested in politics to join the process. Believe me, I've met them. Many of his supporters are people who have never been involved in politics before. I have met these people in real life, not on the internet. Ron Paul supporters are real people and we want Americans to start discussing the important things about the role of government in our lives, in foreign policy and in a host of other subjects.

Edit: And for those of you who cannot get my local news station, here is the coverage of our rally of which I am a part. The picture of me is not all that clear, but it's in there.

Revolution!

I have officially started helping with the 2008 election. I do not like any of the "major" candidates. The candidate I chose is one who gets excluded from debates, whose supporters are many and are sometimes called names, but who probably has a bigger grassroots wildfire going than most of the other candidates put together. That would be Ron Paul. Why do I like this guy? Simple, freedom. He speaks for the cause of liberty and getting government out of our lives. All the other candidates want to put more government into our lives. Ron Paul supports the Constitution and he is not interested in changing it. He also agrees with me on American interventionism. It is wrong.

So I joined the Ron Paul Revolution. This past weekend was a busy time for me. On Friday I painted Revolution signs. On Saturday I helped put literature together. On Sunday I got up really early in the morning so that I could be outside the area where the Republican debate in Iowa was held by 5am. Once there I stood in the pouring rain with a Ron Paul sign for 3 hours. The rain stopped maybe 45 minutes before I was done. In the meantime it had come down in buckets and the driving wind was so hard that my face hurt as the raindrops hit me. I was not alone in my endeavor. About 100 other Ron Paul supporters showed up to wave signs and chant. In contrast, the only other candidate with supporters -- 12 or so -- was Romney and they left at least a half hour before I did. When I left Ron Paul people were still there. We had people who came all the way from Texas just to help out with all the things going on in Iowa this week.

For my 15 minutes of fame, I was on the local news. There was a single clip of me holding a sign. That was in between some interviews and quotes by other Ron Paul supporters. Only one network covered our rally, but they gave us excellent coverage at least.

The whole experience was exhilarating. It feels good to care about politics again. I want to make our country a better place. I feel like the system would not be broken if we could vote Ron Paul through the primaries. Because then we would be saying that we do not like the way our government is doing things; that we the people are going to take back our government and send the reminder that we are supposed to be the ones in charge here. Go ahead, Google Ron Paul, you might like what you see.

Edit: I am leaving my link to the Mike Pence '08 site because it is still a beautiful dream and I still wish it could be. I do not know how I would vote if given a choice between these two men. Fortunately, it looks like I will not face that decision in 2008.

Perish The Very Scary Thought

I just found out that about a week ago one of my college friends suffered a massive stroke. The scary part is, it was not my college friend who graduated a year ahead of me at age 60. It was one who is only 23 years old. Wow. Life does throw strange things at young people sometimes. She was going to start grad school this year. So far, her right arm still will not work, but I guess she can walk a little now. At first she could not remember things, but it sounds like she is doing better with that. Also, her family says she can talk some. Anyway, I only wanted to post this to request prayers for her and her family. It's a tough time they are going through and I really feel for them. I cannot believe this could happen to someone so young. Except, in D.C. I did meet a highschooler who had had several strokes and lots of mini-strokes, she had a blood condition. It's so strange when things like this happen to young people. I really hope that C. gets better. She's a very determined person and if anyone could make her way through this at such a young age it would be her.

On A Personal Note

I guess I have not said anything about my life in a while. I am glad I have written about a few things that interest me and have avoided the random posts like the one I am writing now. On the other hand, it helps to let one's readers know that one is human once in a while.

I might be having some luck with jobs finally. I had a great interview a couple weeks ago. To date I know that my interviewer has called at least one of my references and sounded interested in me. At the interview she basically told me she thought I would be the woman for the job. She just needed to make sure my references check out and then will have to do a background check. We will see what comes of that.

I am not really worried about what to do with my life at this point. Not sure why. I just do not feel anxious about that. It would be nice to have some more friends around, but that will come in time. As for jobs and such, that will come in time as well. I have my bad days, but today is not one of them. Well, other than this horrible knot I have in my shoulder that is making my whole head hurt. Methinks some Icy Hot will help.

On my books, I am still working. I hope to have the second draft of my 2005 NaNo novel finished by October 31st. We will see.

Ah, Logic #13

Here is an excellent article for those who think the U.S. should go the way of socialized health care. I reiterate, submitting health care to the market will drive prices down and change the quality for the better. I am also glad that someone is willing to point out the big problem of socialized health care: distribution. How do you decide who gets treatment when? A centralized system is not a workable solution. Such a system would not be able to sell pencils properly. I do not think our third party payor system is good either, I just do not think centralizing is the answer. Decentralizing and allowing health care to stand up to the market would work so much better. We as consumers would know who the good doctors are and we could decide how much we wanted to spend on health care instead of having to go where someone else tells us to go and spend what they say we can spend. Since most of us agree that the government is woefully inefficient with its spending I would ask how anyone expects it to be able to deal with an issue as complex as health care? Furthermore, I have worked in health care. I have dealt with Medicaid, Medicare and many commercial companies. I still prefer the way the commercial companies do things to the government subsidiaries of Medicare and Medicaid. But freedom to choose health care options would definitely work better than the commercial insurance companies can.

Conditional Surrender

It is difficult to avoid talking about the most informally discussed subject in the U.S. Harry Potter. There's no reason for me to clarify my statement, so I will not. I was not sure if I would join the bandwagon and add to the hype, but after some consideration I have given in to the pressure. I give in on one condition only: that I get to say whatever I flippin' want about Harry Potter and all you Potter freaks out there can get offended if you like or just not read what I say. In short, conditional surrender never tasted so good.

We have all heard the endless arguments against Harry Potter. It interests me, however, to note that originally there was an enormous Christian backlash against the books. Then, right around the time the movies started coming out (I think) the backlash died. Suddenly, instead of backlash there was an enormous Christian welcome. People could not get over the "Christian symbolism" in Harry Potter. Harry is a "Christ figure." It's okay to let your kids read these books because they're like the next Narnia. The people who put Harry Potter next to The Lord of the Rings have obviously never read The Lord of the Rings. As for it being the next Narnia, uh. No.

I appreciate Harry Potter because it's a fun read. Yes, I read Harry Potter. I don't stand in line to get the first book on the shelf, in fact, I don't even purchase the hardcover editions. I have better things to spend my money on. I wait for a copy to become available at the library. It works quite well. Granted by the time I read the book I know all the spoilers, but I don't care. These books are not the end all and be all of storytelling to me. In fact, they're quite the opposite. They have very little substance. Half the time I feel like the entire plot was a waste. For example, in the fourth book, there was no reason that Voldemort had to go through all that trouble with the Tri-Wizard Tournament to kidnap Harry. He had a man on the inside. All he had to do was kidnap Harry. So easy. The teen angst gets old. In fact, I despise the 5th book. Then there's the prophecy. How cliche! Anyone who knows anything about the fantasy genre has been subjected to many, many prophecies. Oh yes, and Voldemort is undoubtedly the stupidest badguy ever having broken nearly every applicable rule of the Evil Overlord List. As for characterization, never have I seen so many flat characters in one series in my life. The best characters are Harry (and Harry is a total Gary Stu) and Hermione. Ron lost his personality after the second book. Any other character who has personality is a side character and only seems real because he or she has a bit part. Don't get me started on writing style. Yes, they are a fun, easy read.

The sudden mainstream Christian switch from discussing why these books are evil to embracing them wholeheartedly puzzles me. You would think no one had ever read a book before with Christian symbolism in it. I could sit here and name off at least a dozen other fairly recent books with Christian themes in them. Themes are better than symbolism which is about all the Harry Potter books contain. Harry is not a self sacrificial Christ figure. He only sacrifices himself when he fears losing a friend. That is not self sacrifice for the sake of others. It is not the same as what his mother did for him. She died for him because she loved him, not because she was afraid of losing him.

Edit (didn't think of this until later): In addition, one has to wonder if Harry would put so much effort into defeating Voldemort if the whole thing had not been placed on his doorstep so to speak. If he weren't the Chosen One, that is. And if Voldemort were not so entirely inefficient. Furthermore, there is no explicit moral code in these books. It strikes me as odd that Christians would be able to discover all sorts of symbolic material in the book, but fail to notice there are no absolutes concerning the behavior of the characters. So long as Harry and his friends are tormenting other kids, it's okay. And why, oh why, are all of Harry's enemies fat or greasy looking? I mean, doesn't that suggest that it is okay to mock obesity? Perhaps I am grasping at as many straws as the people who find Christian symbolism, but at least I can recognize a straw when I see it. End Edit.

I have no problem with the books themselves. I read them for fun. I simply have a problem with people who see things in them that are not there. What's wrong with weighing what you read and being able to point out both the good and the bad in it? Well, then again, I am a debater.

Fear And Greed

I have grown tired of listening to people talk about why socialism is the best system. Personally I think it is mainly envy that drives that discussion. Here is an interesting article that explains why higher taxes for wealthy people do not equal feeding the poor. In fact, they negatively impact economic growth. The article leaves out some key links (I'm a debater, I know). It does not delve into any of the moral issues that make socialism problematic. It simply provides an end point for the whole discussion. Worth reading, I'd say.

In Search of Spock?

I have been watching the first season of Star Trek: The Original Series on dvd for the past couple of weeks. It takes a lot longer to watch than The Next Generation. The episodes are longer for one thing. For the other, the show is so overwrought that I find it difficult to take in a lot at once. Shatnerian should be an adjective if it's not already -- my spellcheck tells me it's not (haha, and spellcheck is not a word either, so take that spellchecker!).

The characters in the Original Series are not as well developed as those in Next Generation. Take Captain Kirk for example, his biggest problem for the first third of season one is that he cannot sleep with his yeoman (who is female). Fortunately, he gets more interesting as the series continues. Still, he's no Piccard. Some of the depth of character and personality is missing from the Original Series. The plots are not as well developed either. They had many good ideas, but not as good of writers and directors. Still, I do find many of the characters to be entertaining. And one thing I like about the Original Series is the hokeyness that all the Shatnerian melodrama adds.

I had watched a few episodes as a kid and there are some things I never noticed about the characters before. First off, Captain Kirk's all out angst over being unable to be with his yeoman. He has a naturally romantic side to him that never occurred to me previously. He always goes for the soft spoken, feminine women and he appears to be quite a gentleman. Then, he is a pretty honest guy with little to no subterfuge in his soul. He is what he is. Unlike Piccard who hides his feelings and only says as much as is necessary, Kirk is all there. What you see is what you get. He has almost no malice, but he still has a fatal flaw which makes him more endearing as a character. He is a warrior almost to a fault. He tends to solve everything with his fists. There is no standing on ceremony with Kirk, he's either going to shake your hand or punch you. His predictability makes him much easier to deal with from his officers' standpoints.

Second, Dr. McCoy is a sensualist. Really and truly. He's like an underdeveloped Fyodor Pavlovich from The Brother's Karamazov. At least Kirk adds a romantic element to his exploits. McCoy just wants to get some. I actually find it to be hilarious because I never noticed that before. The other thing I do not get about McCoy is his hostility to Spock. After a certain number of times finding Spock to be correct you would think McCoy would calm down and listen. Other than that, he's a very forthright and outspoken sort of person. He says exactly what he thinks although he is a bit of an extremist. His opinions tend to be more on the extreme side, that is to say. Thus, he's not always correct in his ideas. But he tries.

Speaking of Spock, he is the third and last character I would like to discuss. If I found Spock alive today he would totally be my best friend. He is very calm and almost everything he says makes sense. Perhaps his lack of a sense of humor would get old. But he is not totally devoid of laughter. Once in a while he smiles a little. The thing I like most about Spock is that he brings a variant viewpoint to the table. He sums things up very carefully and usually accurately. He does not understand why humans think they are the only intelligent life out there. At the same time he is not offended by their sentiments toward himself. It would be illogical to take offense. After all, humans are subject to emotions, they cannot help it. He never seems too upset over McCoy's hostilities. Spock always has everyone's best interests at heart even when he forgets to take the effects of emotions into his calculations. That usually works against him, and that is where his fatal flaw comes into play. Spock refuses to see himself as in the wrong. He will always find a way of explaining his behavior as being entirely rational. This aspect of him is quite humorous.

I still have another half season to watch, so who knows what else I'll learn as I go along. If you ever see me running around yelling "Kahn!!" at the top of my lungs you'll know why.

Exclusive!

Have you ever been subjected to being pushed outside of a small, insular group of people? They are the elite in your church/school/college/dorm/workplace. They are the cool ones, the club you want to be a part of. Many people feel left out and sad about the fact that a certain group refuses to accept them. It seems like nothing and nobody can ever show said groups the error of their ways. We, the outsiders, always hope that somebody else who is cooler will exclude these elitists so they will learn their lesson. It rarely happens like that. The group goes on from junior high to highschool and then into college still thinking they're all that. They may never get it. Often the group revolves around some common subject like clothes or music or sports or following the latest trends in coolness. Sometimes it's the group that was not cool in junior high and highschool taking vengeance on the groups they thought were excluding them.

I have always been the person on the outside who can possibly be friends with individuals in such groups, but never accepted by the whole group. It bothers me that people get so exclusive. I hope I do not mirror their ways. I have my rather exclusive interests yes, politics. Wait. Politics is something we want everyone involved in. Scratch that. Writing, then. Wait. It's kind of a naturally inclusive thing because if you cannot write then you can read and thereby you are included. Hmm. I am sure I have been exclusive at some point in my life. We all have. I am sure you would like some examples from my past, but I am not here to point fingers I am here to discuss more important aspects of exclusion.

What is the best way to react when you come into contact with an exclusive group? I know I have reacted in many ways, I have felt utterly alone. I have walked away from the group sad and grumpy. I have been unable to enjoy myself. I have created my own strange group of "left outs." I have tried to sneak into the conversation that excludes me or change it's subject. I have challenged people's views with rather irreverent joking responses. Yes, I am half ashamed to admit that I can be very irreverent if I am pushed far enough. Sometimes I am not trying to be that way, the words just come out and only afterwards do I realize that I just shocked everyone in the room. Then I usually feel good about myself for a little while. Still, these are not the answers.

In response to these troubles it may be best to start by realizing that you are not alone. Everyone has felt left out at some point in their lives. Some of us more than others. Aristotle said that man is a "political animal" meaning that we are drawn toward associations. We want and need friends. These people who exclude us are exactly the same in their need for friendship. Some of them may not even know they are excluding others. It would be naive to think that all of them do not get it, but I am sure some do not. One reason for excluding others is our inherent desire to be unique. You've heard the phrase "everyone is special." And you have probably heard the response that if everyone is special no one is. We like to have something that other people do not have, but that other people want. For the excluder that would be the reason to push someone out of the group. For the excludee that would be the fact that he or she is left out.

I liken all this to the 1967 tv series, The Prisoner. In that show the main character Number 6 despises the fact that he is nothing more than a number forced to comply with rules he does not understand. He fights against the leadership on the strange island where he finds himself. He tries to escape the place several times. Human beings do not like being just another faceless number in the tides of society -- the island is analogous of society. Yet we uphold society and this number system by considering others nothing but numbers. At the same time we fight against the idea that we, ourselves, are nothing more than a number. Just as Number 6 regarded his fellow citizens with suspicion, believing that they were helping to keep him on the island as number to be ignored so we suspect our fellow human beings of not appreciating our own uniqueness. If we can keep a person who does not have our qualities from our group than somehow we are more unique.

Then again there are the people who are just plain unique and there's no way around that. Nobody likes those people. Nobody gets to know them. I would like to say I do, but often I do not. This is where the overwhelming exclusive factor kicks in with the best of us. It is called human nature and it is tainted. The truth is we do wrong things. We ignore our fellow human beings and justify it to ourselves. We do not like that person and we do not want to deal with him. We punish him for our own faults. Humans are flawed creatures, we cannot avoid that fact no matter how hard we try.

I have a name for what I consider to be the bottom line in all this: highschool forever mentality. Do not define yourself by what happened to you in highschool. Make up your mind to have a mature reaction. If you feel left out and shoved around realize that the people who are doing this to you have probably felt the same way as you feel and are now pursuing their own immature reaction to that. This does not give you an excuse to be immature. It gives you an excuse to be mature, to refuse to allow their actions to define yours. And it gives you an excuse to find some better friends! If you find that you have gone through life excluding others without realizing it -- or by justifying it to yourself -- then have the balls to own that to yourself. Try making friends with someone who is different from you. Who knows, you might like it. If you see one of those singularly unique people whom no one likes try talking to the person. After all, it is not even mature for three year olds to give others the "silent treatment" in an effort to get them to go away. We cannot by our own power overcome human nature, but we can still choose to do the mature thing. If you just cannot see that odd person as, well, a person than remember this: there is one thing in which we humans are all equal. We are all equally flawed.

Ah, Logic #12

I am getting to the point where I will post something interesting. In the meantime, here's a pretty decent point about limited government and why it's good.

Eight Secrets Meme

I'm going to be gone on vacation for a little bit. After that I have some serious stuff to talk about which I have been researching. In the meantime, you are welcome to enjoy the following eight secrets. I was tagged by Little Cicero to do this meme.

1. I am morbidly afraid of mascots. I never tell people this. I am also afraid to go to Disney World because of the people in Mickey Mouse suit and other character suits.

2. I often have dreams where I am late for work or have forgot my homework even though I do not currently have a job and I have not been in school for a while now.

3. I used to be terrified of making phone calls. Working in the insurance world cured me of that.

4. The only computer game that I will play is the Civilization series, either 3 or 4. I use them to get out pent up aggressive feelings. I learned to hate computer games because my siblings and I had a tendency to fight over the computer. I eventually came to consider computer games to be a waste of time. Not Civ 3 and 4, haha.

5. I have always wanted to take over the world. This is a general wish of serious poli-sci majors, but we don't talk about it.

6. I am a loner. This is no secret. The secret is that I almost never pass up an opportunity for social interaction because I really like being around people.

7. I have some very high strung personality traits. Around people I try to focus these traits into ditziness because it's funny.

8. My greatest joy is to make someone else laugh.

New Blog Title

I have changed my blog title. This time for real. I mean it. Now, first off, this title has nothing to do with race whatsoever. So get that out of your head. However, if you can figure out what movie I quoted in the title then you are allowed to criticize me for my entertainment choices.

I chose the new title because it reflects the slightly more humorous bent my blog has taken in recent months. I have also decided to bend my writing talents toward more cultural type ruminating. I will still talk politics, but in a more cultural sense. I want to address other things, such as religion and the effects that various religious movements are having or what they mean. I think this title will both keep me honest, and keep me remembering to be funny once in a while.

This change is for good. I'm not going to switch back to the old title. It was a good title when I needed it. I had a bad habit of hiding behind a facade. I will never completely shake that habit, but I think I understand how to defeat it now. I do not need a title to make me remember that anymore. So, welcome to the new title!

Real Sci-Fi

I remember when the movie Artificial Intelligence: AI first came out in theatres for several reasons. First, because I wanted to see it, but did not have the chance to go. Second, because that was literally a month before I went off to college. And last, because one of my friends did get to see it and he told me that it was good, but at the very end aliens come. He did not think it made any sense. I have since watched the movie a few times and would like to dispel the aliens rumor. If you pay any attention to the movie, whatsoever, it should be obvious that those are not aliens. I apologize for the spoiler. But one main theme throughout the movie was the inevitable downfall of mankind and the fact that A.I. could go on building themselves and living past the apocalypse. There were many clues that this would happen. I know, the A.I. at the end of the movie look weird, but they are A.I., not aliens. Randomly sticking aliens in at the end of the movie would destroy the thematic elements altogether. Steven Spielberg is way smarter than that.

To me structure is kind of an afterthought and I do not pay that much attention to it. However, one thing I find interesting about the movie is the three act structure. People thought the movie had several endings due to the three act structure. Apparently no one reads Shakespeare anymore. Each act has a different emotion and slightly different cinematography. They flow together very well, but you can see the points between each act. In each act the characters change and we see the main character, David (an A.I. child who can love), differently. In the first act he's a little boy living happily until he is deposed by his parents' real son. The only one who identifies with him at all is Monica, the mom. However, she is a bit of a weak character in that she cannot understand why he begins acting strangely and exhibiting signs of jealousy. In the second act he goes on a journey to become a "real boy" and his obsession with this idea begins to appear dangerous. In the third act, he seems to resolve his obsession a bit. He no longer looks to take others with him realizing it is a personal journey. He is the most patient sentient being you could possibly imagine after he gives up on his dream and then realizes that he might be able to have it after all.

Aside from the moral journey of David, the movie introduces an amazing complexity of moral questions. I think the obvious moral question is the one of using robots as a means of sexual satisfaction. This is aptly portrayed by the character Gigolo Joe, an A. I. lover model. The question is not answered, but the movie shows that human nature could make such a question into a huge and horrible problem. Joe ends up on the run because an angry husband manages to pin the murder of his wife (whom the husband killed) on the robot. This then is the dilemma, that an autonomous object, created by humans is blamed with the crime of human nature. Joe's portrayal is a parable of the entire movie in a sense. Humans have created these things to serve them, then humans turn against the very things they created, hating them for the services they provide.

At the same time the movie does not portray humans as being completely depraved. The moment when the audience rescue David and Joe from the Flesh Fair, believing David to be a human boy instead of an A.I. is remarkable for its show of compassion. These people are not so caught up in the venue of destroying the A.I. whom they hate that they ignore the plight of a fellow human. That scene arranges a dichotomy that we saw in the first act when Monica abandons David with tears in her eyes; and in the third act when David's creator, Prof. Hobby, realizes that his greatest creation is flawed. The A.I. at the end of the movie bring this dichotomy to fruition. They honor David because he knew humans and they did not. To them, mankind was the master they love and were never able to serve. They glean David's memories and see the wickedness of humans for themselves. Still, they obviously believe that they are inferior to humans. They even try to find ways to preserve humans or bring them back, out of this strange desire to serve that which would have destroyed them.

A.I. was 12 years in the making and I think for good reason. It is possibly the best science fiction movie ever made in the U.S. I would say so. For that reason, I think it is fairly unpopular. People do not like real, hard sci-fi. They like popular science fiction, like Star Wars. Things need to blow up. The more artistic, deeply thematic science fiction -- the kind I hope to write -- is not as easily understood in the popular medium of film. Spielberg did some of his best work ever making this movie, and I think it deserves to be remembered as a classic among today's films.

It's Today!

It's Craig and my second anniversary today. Two wonderful years with a wonderful man. I could not have asked for better. I'm so happy!

It's About Time

I will not go so far as to give this article an Ah, Logic rating. But it is nice to see a Muslim taking a stand against the atrocities practiced against other Muslims in their regimes. I think the article deserves to be read by a lot of people, so I am doing my part to get it out there.

You Can Take My Iowa Straw Poll . . .

. . . But you can never take my freedom!

I came to this state, put up with it's strange people and now the one thing that made it interesting -- so far -- appears to have been taken from me. Two big time candidates have ditched the August 11th Iowa straw poll. Namely, John McCain and Rudy Giuliani. Now, you probably already know about this if you keep up on the news even a little bit. After all, this was last week's headlines. I have a need to process what this means for the average Iowa politics freak (e.g. me).

I still plan to get into the straw poll. It's not in my town, but it's not that far. I was not planning to vote for McCain or Giuliani anyway. But it would have been interesting to see them debate the other candidates. Many are suggesting that this opens the door for a lesser known candidate to do well. Maybe it does. It also causes me some consternation.

So far as I can tell, the political nature of Iowa makes it an ideal location for a youngster -- such as myself -- interested in getting involved in politics. This is not to suggest I want to be anything big. It's just that Iowa has two things going for it as far as I can see: lots of cheap corn and early caucuses. I'm stuck here, I may as well enjoy it. I like popcorn, so I've got that side of it covered. I'll do my best to keep the state economy going by eating popcorn with almost every movie. On the other hand, I thought it would be fun to volunteer for a candidate (still don't know which one) and go to the straw poll. Or just go, watch and help make history by being polled there. These two candidates pulling out makes the straw poll a little less climactic. That's what bothers me.

Here I was all excited to be thinking about doing something cool. Then along came McCain and Rudy and they stole my thunder. Well, they also lost a potential vote. Not that I would have voted for them anyway. Chances are, however, that if I thought one of them did well at the straw poll event I would have at least said something about it and maybe cast an unofficial vote for them. I would never vote for either of them in a real election. But now they have lost even a "good job" from me. That is the way of things. You bother me and you won't get my pat on the back.

Ah, Logic # 11

Another amazing piece by Victor Davis Hanson. He almost always makes sense. After reading that article I feel like playing Civ III and taking over the world!

Climbing The Walls

A day in the life of Esther:

6:30am - get up, take shower.
7am - check email, stare at the zero interesting emails.
8am - eat something for breakfast.
8:30am - look for sculpting classes online or read or watch episodes of Arrested Development.
10am - think about the fact that I have nothing to do all day.
11am - read.
12pm - eat something for lunch.
1pm - apply for some jobs online.
2pm - clean and unpack boxes or just clean.
3pm - watch Dr. Phil.
4pm - read or think about the fact that I have nothing to do.
4:30pm - start making dinner.
5:30pm - Craig gets home. Finish making dinner.
6pm - eat dinner.
6:30pm - go out and drive around or buy something.
7:30pm - watch a movie, do something.
10pm - go to bed and to sleep.

Gah. I think I'm going to start working on my book very seriously again. Reading my day is almost worse than living it.

Ah, Logic #10

Here's one for the immigration debate. I especially like the bit where he points out that we are not obligated to keep the families of illegal immigrants together. We Americans are so easy about giving in to guilt trips and such. This is our country and there is nothing wrong with enforcing laws about who can and cannot enter it and when.

Not Quite Warming Up

Things about Iowa that annoy me:

- The people are all too hick to know how to drive in traffic.
- Everyone has a chip on their shoulder. They always want to start a fight even if you did not do anything wrong.
- People here are incredibly chatty. This is nice, but sometimes annoying because I am not chatty. I just do my business and move on. Consequently, they look at me funny.
- No one knows why to honk they're horns even when they do use them. I was honked at once for driving straight in my own lane, once for waiting for someone to pass my turn out before turning into the street, once for stopping behind someone who was turning left and once for taking my own turn at a four way stop. It's the chip on shoulder principle.
- There is very little variety in shopping experience. In Indiana I could always find what I needed at one store and if it was not there I knew where else to look. Here I cannot find what I need and have no idea where to look because most other places do not have them either. So far I am unable to find capers that do not have vinegar in them or corn tortillas that do not have dextrose (I cannot have vinegar or dextrose).

Hey, it's home now. I'll get used to it eventually. It's always weird coming to a new place. I remember how weird it felt when we first moved to Indiana. Just another tough ransition. This too shall pass.

The Answers

I think I have given everyone sufficient time to read my trivia questions from the previous post and respond. It's been nearly a week. I guess it was trivia. I mean, not everybody knows trivia. I spent countless hours reading books about pirates (bad ones) and sailing ships as a kid, so perhaps my brain cataloged too much trivia pertaining to such. I did get one response and those look right to me. Here are the answers:

1. Matt's answer: "Calypso is featured in The Odyssey, and delayed Odysseus on the island of Oyigia with her feminine wiles." That would be a yes. I would add that she was a nymph.
2. Matt's answer: "Tethys, a titaness, original sea goddess." Yes. If you want to go to more contemporary (as if) Greek mythology then you could say there was no sea goddess. Poseidon, the sea god, was male.
3. Davy Jones is actually derived from a word and meant the devil. He never was a real person. Not sure what the word was or if anyone knows that.
4. Davy Jones' locker is a euphemism for death at sea. (That was a real easy one, people.)
5. The captain of the Flying Dutchman was Captain Vanderdecken, a Dutch captain who may or may not have ever actually lived.
6. The legend goes that Vanderdecken attempted to sail the Flying Dutchman around the Horn (the bottom of South America) too late in the year. The storms were already terrible. But he kept trying to sail around it and fought the storms for more than a month. His ship ran out of food and fresh water and he still would not turn back. Then he cursed God in his anger at the weather. An angel came and cursed Vanderdecken, his ship and his crew. They would have to sail the high seas for eternity as a ghost ship.
7. If any sailor saw the Flying Dutchman (a ghost ship) he saw a harbinger of doom or bad luck. The Flying Dutchman was usually "sighted" in bad weather and sometimes down around the Horn.
8. Matt's answer: " Charon, as featured in the Aeneid."
9. Pirates kill people and steal stuff.
10. It's good because they wear fluffy shirts and wield cutlasses. Actually, this is one area where I have not been able to suspend my disbelief while watching the Pirates movies. I just keep thinking to myself, "But they're fighting for their right and freedom to kill people and steal things, why should I care about them?" Ah well, it's just a movie. And a fun movie at that.

Third Time's Fatal

This is the year of the thirds. Spiderman 3, Shrek the Third, Pirates 3. I have now seen all three of these third movies. Here is my one sentence summary of each one.

Spiderman 3: Sadly not as good as the second one; too many badguys, too much unneccessary plot development.

Shrek the Third: They did not try to make it better than the first or second, thus it fulfilled its vision and was good in and of itself.

Pirates 3: Just plain awesome, the third movie that can remind us all why trilogies work so well.

I saw Pirates 3 last night. You must go and see it for yourself. It was amazing. Barbosa is the ultimate badguy and the ultimate badass. I think Geoffrey Rush may have topped my list of favorite actors.

Now, I have a little trivia game relating to the Pirate movies. I want you to participate. You are not allowed to look any of the answers up on any internet search engine or Wikipedia. You are allowed to remember them from literature and look them up in books if you want. These questions pertain to the Pirate movies only because the Pirate movies took from other mythos to create their fantasy world. It's a spectacular fantasy world and well done, but obviously got everything wrong. Not that it matters, I had too much fun to care. I just have this thing about knowing where your story comes from. It's weird, but I want people to have some understanding that a story can be created from other stories and still be good, but that it may not be true to the stories it came from. It's good to know where it came from even though it's not real history. There are reasons why people write stories. Actually, I really just want to say that if one more person insists to me that in nautical lore Davy Jones was the captain of The Flying Dutchman I am going to scream. Here are the questions:

1. Who was Calypso in Greek mythology?
2. Who was the actual goddess of the sea in Greek mythology?
3. Who/what was Davy Jones (hint: that's not a Dutch name)?
4. What does the term "Davy Jones locker" actually mean?
5. Who was the real captain of The Flying Dutchman (hint: he had a Dutch name)?
6. What was the captain of The Flying Dutchman famous for?
7. What was the significance of seeing The Flying Dutchman?
8. Who really ferried dead souls to the Underworld in Greek mythology?
9. What do pirates do?
10. Why is that cool?

The last two are jokes because I wanted a total of ten questions. I will probably post the answers at some point.

It's The Music Man

Do me a small favor. Go to Blockbuster or wherever and rent The Music Man. You can rent the old one or the remake, I don't care which. They are both good. Watch the movie.

Now, that is exactly what Iowans are like. Exactly. The Music Man is so accurate that it's mindblowing. I'm beginning to wonder what I have got myself into. These people are indescribably nice until you do something they do not like. Then they act like they want to tar, feather and run you out of town on a rail. I am not exaggerating.

The most annoying thing of all is that you cannot win with them. Even if you're right. They are just stupid enough (pardon my phraseology) that if you stand there and argue with them you're an awful, wicked person and if you roll your eyes and walk away you're an awful, wicked person. They have chips on their shoulders over the most idiotic things. But when they come at you shouting and threatening and you turn and leave that's a mistake. Apparently, it's normal to stand around and listen while people heap abuse on your head and refuse to explain to you why the seemingly trivial thing you did was so wrong.

That's the other thing I have already grown to hate. They expect you to know all their stupid little rules about everything, but they do not post any signs! This has got to be the most OCD state in existence. You'd think I'd be happy. No, no. I like OCD when it makes sense and when it can explain why certain things are bothersome. OCD that makes no sense and cannot explain its partialities can go somewhere I do not live.

I am sure I will get used to this eventually. Right now I just feel like complaining. Also, I am overwhelmed by how accurate that cute little musical really is.

Home Again

My move is nearly complete. That is to say, I have many boxes to unpack. It will take a while. I really just wanted to write to let you all know that I am here and everything went well. I will probably come up with something interesting to say at another time. Right now I am more practical than thoughtful. I have to help Craig fill out paperwork, I have to unpack boxes. I have to think about dinner for tomorrow and the rest of this week. I have to clean. I have to show my brother who is staying with us for the week a good time. I have to find my clean clothes. I have to organize my stuff. I have to find a part time job. I have to . . . Yeah, there are a lot of "have tos." That's life. Sometimes life is more important than writing. Sometimes writing is life. Right now the former is true. When I get the necessary things out of the way and under control I will be able to take up writing more in earnest. See you then!

A Little Confusion

This is my last evening in the town I claim to have grown to hate. The final night. Tomorrow I can go wherever the wind will take me. Or, rather, wherever a carefully prepared route, a long road and a big truck will take me. It will take me to Iowa. No matter. Right now I am only concerned with what I leave behind.

Some of the few friends I made in this town have expressed how much they will miss me. I begin to realize that I am leaving a place where I have some very meaningful relationships. These are people I will always miss. I have to go, I know. I chose to go. But right now my heart feels wrenched apart. I am confused at what I leave behind me. Going to a better place is one thing. A place where I will fit in more. It's great, really. I have been looking forward to that.

Then I remembered what good friends I leave behind. Suddenly I am torn. I know, I keep repeating myself. You can tell I am a bit sad. But it's the truth. I spend so much time not letting people in, then I realize that I have let a lot more people in than I at first thought. It comes rather suddenly, in something someone says. Some sorrow expressed. Some unexpected compliment. It's a shock to my system. A surprise; both poignant and triumphant. They do care, a small voice inside me says. I'm not a freak. It makes me tearful. It makes me cry when no one's looking. These people cared. I did not realize. Perhaps I did not let myself realize. Now I do, and I'm moving on.

I will always look back, I swear. I will do my best to keep up with all my friends here. And I will try to stay in one place so that I do not have to keep leaving friends in my path.

The Finish Line

Next week the move will be over. At least, the relocation part. I'll be stuck unpacking for the next 6 months. Or not unpacking. I expect we will have a house soon, so there is not much sense in unpacking everything.

Friday is my last day at work. My co-workers had a little going away luncheon for me today. It was nice. I started saying goodbye to a lot of people. I think it's finally hitting me that I am leaving. I am leaving friends. Everyone is so nice. I know, it's mainly because I'm leaving and will probably never see most of them again. People always say the nicest things to you when you're going away. I guess that's human nature. We do not pause to say we care until we realize we are losing something. It's okay. It makes the leaving easier when you know other people like you.

Only a few more days of packing, cleaning and throwing away papers and I will be on my way to my new home. It's like a miracle. Everything has to be taken care of by Monday evening. At times like these I can hardly wait until I reach the scheduled finish line. When I get there I know that the difficult stuff will all be done. But until that time comes I have a lot of work.

Ah, Logic # 9

This is what I am talking about. For once someone makes sense when discussing Africa.

All Good Things

I feel a strong need to wax poetic and talk about feelings. It has been some time since I have been as open on this blog as I would like to be. I had a weird dream the other night. In it I was trapped in a town I did not like with a lot of people who I did like. I was leaving and I knew it. I really liked all the people around me, but none of them knew me very well. I realized that I had gone a very long time liking these people and refusing to allow them to be my friends. I remember the horrible feeling at the end of the dream more than anything else. I just knew it was too late. I was leaving and they did not know me well enough to stay in touch. It was over. It's a feeling I have had many times in life. I know why I get that feeling too.

It is true. I am not a very open individual. I am very slow to make friends. There are many reasons for this. One, I am shy. Yes, really and truly, I am shy. As often as I tell myself I am "just reserved" I know that line is a lie. Two, I hate it when people do not like me. I mean I really hate it. I try to say there was a time when stuff like that did not matter to me. But that is not true either. I want people to like me, I want to like people and I want to make everyone happy.

I was not well liked in highschool. That whole episode made me kind of emo for a while. You know, you really cannot define yourself by what happened to you in highschool. So many people do. At some point you have to grow up and realize that you made choices in highschool and you are making choices now. It is not what was done to you that makes you who you are, it is what you do. This whole rabbit trail is a subject for another day.

Yeah, I like to be liked. And I think that sometimes I feel like people will not like me if they know me too well. I mean, I am odd. I have these strange OCD tendencies. I have to delete my emails to reduce the amount of used space in my inbox. There is no other logical reason for this other than the fact that I despise digital clutter. I am also compelled to check my email every ten minutes. At work I just leave my email up all the time and read the messages as they come in. If someone sends me a task to do I drop everything and do it. Then I go back to what I was doing. I am also compelled to help people even when I do not have time. If an event of some kind is not properly organized I have to fix it. I have to make it work. And it has to work well because I made it work. Not to mention I am the only one who does not have any fun at these events. But everyone else was happy, so I am happy. Then, somewhere deep inside there exists this feeling that it is okay if I am not happy. Or perhaps it is more that I know I have such a restless spirit that I will never be completely happy.

Sometimes I am like Odysseus in Homer's Odyssey. I am torn between two existences: to live a normal, happy life with a family or to be famous, great and well recognized because I am incredibly good at the work I do in life. I suppose you can have both, but it takes an amazing person to do well at both. Still, this is a bit of a digression. I am trying to come up with reasons why people will not like me after all. I suppose the real reason would be because I want them to like me despite my deep insecurities. I know, we all have insecurities. I have heard it all before. But we really do not like the person who is so insecure that she wants you to tell her every minute of every day why you like her. I fear sometimes that I will become that person.

This all started as a post about how I have to say goodbye to the friends I have made here, just like I said goodbye to the friends I had in Michigan and the friends I had in Washington, D.C. I have to start all over in the new place we move to. Again I have failed. Again I have not made close enough friendships to be able to keep them all when I leave. I am tired of being so shy and reserved. Tired of being such a quiet, private person. I equate myself with Captain Piccard on Star Trek in some ways. I am logical, stern and good at my work. But I do not make friends. Not really. I always hold back. I justify these behaviors too. I say that people who are too open immediately are not to be trusted. Yes, that is true. However, people who are never open, no matter how long you know them are also a little odd. They are not always happy. They know they are missing out on something. Sometimes they give in to their insecurities and feel bad about themselves.

Here I am, going away. Turning my back on a place again. Faced once more with the realization that it is always the people who make the place. They are the ones I will miss. They are the ones I will remember. Friendship is a good thing and some of mine will come to an end soon. Not in a bad way, but in a sad way. Even if I had got to know everyone out here as well as I could I know that some friendships would fall by the wayside. Some things in life are true and that is one of them. You cannot hang onto every friend you ever had. But the older I get the more I realize how much I value the friendships I have and how much I hate to leave them behind again.

I hope that I will be able to stay in one place long enough to make some very lasting friendships. I hope it will be a good enough place that I will invest myself more fully in it. I hope it will be the next place I live.

For All You Comics Fans

I found a pretty fun article online today. Now all we have to do is find Superman.